Category: <span>Child Custody</span>

Halloween During Divorce: How to Help Your Kids

October 6, 2019July 6, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most parents, the only thing you want for your kids is their happiness – and when the holidays start to roll around, you worry a little bit (or a lot) more. The holiday season is right around the corner, and if you’re going through a divorce, or if you’ve just received your divorce decree and this is your first Halloween flying solo, here’s how you and your ex can help the kids have a great holiday.

Halloween During Divorce: How to Help Your Kids Have a Great Holiday

While you may not be great at co-parenting just yet, holidays like Halloween are definitely times to practice your skills. Even if you’re not actively co-parenting, it’s pretty likely that you and your ex have worked out an arrangement on who gets the kids on which holidays.

Whether or not Halloween is your turn, you can still be supportive of your kids – and of their relationship with their other parent.

Planning ahead is the key. That way, even though your kids’ situations have changed due to the split, they can still enjoy the festivities.

Use these tips to make sure this Halloween is a good one for your children:

Be prepared to cooperate with your ex.
Make a plan.
Figure out which parent has the responsibility of getting together costumes, even if it’s not the parent who’s taking the kids trick-or-treating.
Set ground rules for your kids that you will both enforce.
Start thinking about next year.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

#1. Be prepared to cooperate with your ex.

As always, your kids come first. During the holidays, while it’s tough to face the prospect of spending time without your children (and letting your ex have all the fun), it’s important that you do what’s fair to them.

Be ready to cooperate with your ex, whether you have Halloween outlined in your custody agreement or not. If they’re old enough, you can even ask your kids where they’d prefer to be or which parent they’d like to bring trick-or-treating.

#2. Make a plan.

Talk to your ex. Stay calm and rational, and let him or her know what you think the plan should be. If Halloween isn’t addressed in your custody agreement, you can discuss who will have the children that day – and find out whether your ex has any input. For example, if you have the kids on Halloween, maybe you’re willing to let your ex take them trick-or-treating (or vice-versa). If you’re not willing to, that’s okay, too; however, that could mean your ex will reserve future holidays that aren’t in your parenting time agreement for him- or herself, too.

#3. Figure out which parent has the responsibility of getting together costumes, even if it’s not the parent who’s taking the kids trick-or-treating.

If you have the kids most of the time, it might be more practical for you to put together costumes. You can offer – or ask your ex – to pay for the supplies, or you can take full responsibility. It’s between you and your ex, but remember that this is a great opportunity for you two to work together to co-parent your children.

#4. Set ground rules for your kids that you will both enforce.

When the kids are old enough to trick-or-treat on their own, make sure you discuss the rules with your ex. It doesn’t matter if you’ll have the children on Halloween or your ex will – what matters is that you both agree to the rules you’re going to put in place for your kids, and that you’ll both be willing to enforce them. (That includes enforcing penalties for violations, such as when your kids come back too late and get grounded.)

#5. Start thinking about next year.

If you have the kids on Halloween this year, offer to let your ex have them next year – or ask if you can have them next year if he or she has them this year. These small trade-offs can make a lot of headway when it comes to cooperative parenting, and really, that’s what’s best for your children.

Are You Considering Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

Divorce: What to Do First

October 1, 2019December 7, 2019
by Angie

If you’re thinking about divorce, what to do first is probably one of your main concerns. Should you move out? Take yourself off your spouse’s checking and savings accounts? Call an attorney?

Here’s what you need to know.

Divorce: What to Do First

Divorce is a major life change, and for most people, that means working with an experienced family law attorney who understands the process – and who can give case-specific legal advice. You should absolutely call a Stockton divorce lawyer to discuss your situation and get guidance. When you call an attorney, you’ll be able to ask questions about your own case and learn about the process; your attorney will also have some questions for you. Then, she’ll be able to put together a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome.

After you’ve called an attorney, you’ll also need to:

Gather financial documents
Separate your finances
Save money
Talk to supportive friends and family, or a counselor
Determine your goals for child custody
Think about whether you’ll ask for spousal support (or whether you’ll have to pay it)
Figure out your living situation

Here’s a closer look at each.

#1. Gather financial documents

Your attorney will need several financial documents, including tax returns and pay stubs (from you and your spouse) to help determine your division of assets. Gather your life insurance policies, home mortgage statements and retirement account statements, as well as any other financial paperwork you can find.

#2. Separate your finances

It may be a good time to open up a bank account and at least one line of credit that’s solely in your name. However, you should talk to your attorney before you make any major financial decisions – and don’t take money out of your joint account to finance your new account without asking your attorney about it first.

#3. Save money

If you haven’t worked, now may be a good time to start looking for a job. (You should talk to your attorney about this, too.) If you’re already working, start saving your own cash rather than putting it into your joint account. You’ll still have to own up to having this money, but it’s a good idea to keep it separate from your spouse’s cash.

#4. Talk to supportive friends and family, or a counselor

We all need someone to talk to – especially during tough emotional times like divorce. Rely on your friends and family when you need someone to listen, or work with a trained divorce therapist who can help you deal with your emotions. There’s another benefit to working with a therapist, too; he may be able to teach you new coping strategies that help you get through the stresses you’ll face during your divorce.

#5. Determine your goals for child custody

When you divorce, one of the first things you’ll also want to do is determine what you want for your children. Remember, the courts always put the children’s best interest first – so that means you and your spouse should try to come to an agreement about child custody on your own (and it should be fair to everyone involved). If you and your spouse can’t agree to a fair plan that’s good for your kids, the judge in your case will decide for you.

#6. Think about whether you’ll ask for spousal support (or whether you’ll have to pay it)

In some cases, the courts order one spouse to pay the other spousal support (commonly called alimony). These payments are designed to help the lower-earning spouse get back on his or her feet and become self-sufficient. However, even if you think you’ll have to pay spousal support, or if you’re sure you’ll receive it, you can’t count on that until you have a signed order from the judge.

Related: California alimony information

#7. Figure out your living situation

Once you decide to divorce your spouse, don’t automatically move out of the house. Doing so could cost you in the long run. Instead, talk to your attorney about what you want to do – whether you want to keep your marital home or you’d like to sell it, move into a smaller place or do something different. Don’t make any moves without talking to your lawyer first.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Divorce and What to Do First?

When you want a divorce, what to do first is a big question for most people. Call us at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today. We’ll discuss your case, find out about your circumstances and start putting together a plan that gets you and your family the best possible outcome.

Child Custody

What is Parentage by Estoppel in California?

July 27, 2019August 1, 2019
by Angie

If you’re like many people, you’ve heard the term parentage by estoppel – but what does it mean in California, and how does it affect your child custody case?

What is Parentage by Estoppel in California?

Paternity is often assumed in California. That means the courts assume that the person involved in the child’s life is his or her father. Cases in which the court assumes paternity include:

When the father was married to the child’s mother when the child was conceived or born.
When the father attempted to marry the child’s mother when the child was conceived or born, but something made the marriage invalid.
After the child was born, the father married the child’s mother and agreed to have his name put on the child’s birth certificate, or he agreed to support the child.
After the child was born, the father openly treated the child as his own.

That last one – where the father openly treats a child as his own – is called parentage by estoppel.

Parentage by estoppel doesn’t require a biological relationship. A father doesn’t have to be related by blood.

This is important to know if you’re working out a child custody agreement. Fathers who aren’t biologically related to a child may have rights when it comes to custody – and responsibilities when it comes to child support.

It’s called parentage by estoppel because once it’s established that the father held the child out to be his own, he can be held liable for child support.

What Does “Treating a Child as His Own” Mean?

A father who spends time with a child, or whose child calls him “Dad,” can be legally considered the child’s father. The adults in the situation hold out the child as theirs, and the father supports and fosters the relationship with that child.

The main idea behind parentage by estoppel is the child’s best interest. If a child has gone his or her entire life treating someone as a father – even if the person is not biologically related to the child – it’s typically best for the child to continue having that person as a father.

Related: Parentage in California

What About Establishing Parentage?

In California, a party can ask the court to establish parentage or sign a declaration of paternity form. This isn’t necessary when parentage is assumed (like in one of the situations listed above, such as when the father and mother are married when the child is conceived or born). However, it is necessary when the parents aren’t married – especially if the mother doesn’t want the father involved in the child’s life after a split.

Here’s an example:

Carrie and Bob aren’t married, and they break up before their child, Sarah, is born. Bob has to establish parentage if he wants to get child custody or visitation with Sarah. Otherwise, he has no claim to her.

If Bob doesn’t want to get custody or pay child support and denies that he’s Sarah’s father, Carrie has the right to ask the court to order him to submit to genetic testing.

Rights and Responsibilities After Establishing Parentage

When parents have been established legally, they have the following rights and responsibilities:

The right to request parenting time
The right to request custody orders
The responsibility of paying child support
The responsibility of paying healthcare costs (in some cases)
The responsibility of paying child care costs (in some cases)

Parentage by Estoppel in California

Even if a father has openly treated the child as his own, it’s often still a good idea to establish parentage. (Again, though, it’s not necessary if the parents were married or parentage is otherwise assumed.)

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Parentage by Estoppel in California?

If you’re going through a divorce, or if you need to talk to a lawyer about parentage by estoppel in California, we may be able to help you. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Child Custody

Does Adultery Affect Child Custody in California?

July 22, 2019March 23, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like many people going through divorce, you have a lot of questions – and one of them is Does adultery affect child custody in California?

Adultery – what it’s called when one person “steps out” of a marriage by being unfaithful – isn’t supposed to affect your divorce. In fact, California is a no-fault divorce state. That means you don’t have to have a reason for divorcing, and the courts can’t use fault to determine things like child custody in most cases. (We’ll get to those exceptions later.)

Here’s what you need to know.

Does Adultery Affect Child Custody in California?

The state of California recognizes that it’s in kids’ best interests to have healthy relationships with both parents. (That’s true even if you have a low opinion of your spouse because he or she cheated on you.) The courts won’t say, “Well, you cheated, so you can only see your kids every other weekend.”

Here’s the deal, though. If one spouse’s infidelity during the marriage changed his or her fitness as a parent, the courts can use it to rule on child custody. But being an “unfit” parent is a big deal, and courts don’t throw that around lightly. The fact that he or she cheated – while it did destroy your marriage – doesn’t mean that the courts will see your spouse as an unfit parent.

Related: Is adultery illegal in California?

Your spouse would have to do something that seriously changed his or her ability to parent, like engage in sexual acts with the other party in front of the kids. The adultery could also affect custody if the new partner abuses the children, for example. If the affair changes your spouse’s living arrangements in a way that wouldn’t be good for the kids (like if he or she moved into a studio apartment with the paramour, and there aren’t any beds or sofas for the children to sleep on), the courts would rule based on what’s best for the kids.

Your Kids’ Best Interests

It’s important to remember that the courts will always put the kids’ best interests first. In cases like those, there’s no way to predict how a judge will rule – but the courts definitely have options. A judge might:

Restrict one parent from seeing the kids except when he or she is supervised
Say that the kids can’t have overnight visits with one parent
Come up with any remedy that puts the kids’ needs first

The bottom line is that even though adultery may have destroyed your marriage, it won’t affect child custody unless it has changed your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s fitness as a parent.

It can, however, affect other aspects of your divorce.

Adultery and Divorce: What Does it Affect?

Adultery can have a minimal impact on other aspects of your divorce, but only in limited circumstances. For example, it may affect property distribution and alimony.

How Adultery Can Affect Property Division

When one spouse spends marital money – which is community property – on an affair partner, and when the other spouse can prove it, the courts may order the big spender to repay half of what he or she spent. This can be very difficult to prove, so without a paper trail, you may not be able to show the court how much your spouse spent on the affair partner. Even if you just suspect that your spouse spent money on the affair partner, though, you should let your Stockton divorce attorney know. Your spouse could be hiding money or accounts, which he or she is legally required to disclose during divorce.

How Adultery Can Affect Alimony

In some cases, the courts order one spouse to pay the other alimony. Known as spousal support, this money is supposed to help a lower-earning spouse get back on his or her feet. Several factors go into a judge’s alimony decision, and one of them is the lower-earning spouse’s living arrangements. If your spouse cheated on you and is now living with the affair partner, you may not owe him or her as much alimony as you ordinarily would – after all, there’s someone else living there that can help pay the bills and provide support.

Who Pays for Divorce if Adultery is the Cause?

You can ask the court to order your spouse to pay your legal fees related to divorce, but not because he or she cheated on you. Section 271 of the California Family Code allows the court to order one person to pay another person’s legal fees if that person doesn’t have enough money to pay his or her own legal fees. Sometimes judges can order one spouse to pay the other’s legal fees without need, too, such as when one party keeps trying to drag the other back to court needlessly.

How Do You Prove Infidelity During Divorce?

In California, there’s typically no need to prove infidelity. It won’t impact the outcome of your case (unless your spouse spent all your family’s savings on his or her affair partner, or your spouse engaged in lewd behavior with a paramour in front of your children, that is).

If you believe that your spouse’s cheating will have an impact on your divorce, you’ll need to provide the court with evidence. That could include credit card statements or bank statements that show how much money your spouse spent on the other party, or proof that your spouse (or the affair partner) behaved improperly in front of your children. The behavior has to be extreme, though – as upset as you may be that your children stayed the night with your ex at the same time his or her affair partner did, that alone probably isn’t enough for the adultery to affect your divorce.

Is Adultery Punishable by Law in California?

While adultery is against the law in some states , it’s not illegal in California. As a result, someone can’t go to jail for cheating on a spouse. However, there are other ways that adultery can affect a person going through a divorce, such as property division and spousal support (both of which are discussed above). But remember: California is a no-fault divorce state, which means that a judge is unlikely to consider a person’s infidelity unless he or she spent family money on a paramour (and the jilted spouse can prove it) or if it directly affected the children in a negative way.

So is cheating a crime in California? No, it’s not. However, it can affect divorce in multiple ways.

In What States Can You Sue Your Spouse for Cheating?

Alienation of affection is recognized in a handful of states:

Hawaii
Mississippi
New Mexico
North Carolina
South Dakota
Utah

How Do You Salvage a Relationship After Cheating?

There are many people who believe you can’t salvage a relationship after cheating – but on the other side of the coin, there are people who believe you can. If you’re interested in saving your marriage, you may want to talk to a divorce therapist near you about what to do next. Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. Even more, both of you must be willing to salvage your relationship and commit to the idea that you need to create a “new normal.”

Can I Sue My Wife’s Lover in California? (Or My Husband’s Lover?)

Some states do allow you to sue your spouse’s paramour for alienation of affection… but California isn’t one of them. There aren’t any “homewrecker” laws in our state. Although you’re heartbroken over what happened, you’re not going to find justice for your spouse’s moral issue in the court system.

This might really work out in your favor, though. To sue your wife’s lover (or your husband’s lover), you’d have to have concrete proof that he or she cheated on you. Finding that proof can cause more heartbreak than it’s worth.

Remember: You don’t need to prove that someone is at-fault for your divorce in California. You just need to let the court know that your marriage cannot continue because you have irreconcilable differences.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About How Adultery Affects Child Custody in California?

If you’re going through a divorce, or if you need to talk to a lawyer about how adultery affects child custody in California, we may be able to help you. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Child Custody

What is the Best Interest of the Child in…

July 17, 2019July 17, 2019
by Angie

What is the best interest of the child in California? If you’re like many people, you’ve heard that phrase before – but what does it mean, and how does it apply?

Here’s what you need to know.

What is the Best Interest of the Child in California?

When you hear the term the best interest of the child, it’s generally about child custody. When the courts have to make a determination on custody, such as where a child will live and which parent will make important decisions about the child’s life, the judge has to look at what’s best for the child.

The courts recognize that children’s health, safety and welfare are the most important things. The courts also recognize that kids benefit from frequent and continuing contact with both parents.

Some of the factors the courts will look at when determining the best interest of the child in California include:

The child’s age
The child’s health
The emotional ties that each parent shares with the child
Each parent’s ability to care for the child emotionally, physically or financially
Whether there’s a history of family violence or substance abuse
The child’s ties to home, school and community

Ultimately, what’s best for the child will win the day in court.

The Best Interest of the Child in California: Full vs. Joint Custody

California custody laws provide parents with the opportunity to work out their own custody agreements. As long as the agreement the parents reach is fair to everyone involved – and especially to the children – the judge is likely to sign off on it. However, sometimes the courts have to intervene and make a determination on custody on their own. This can happen when the parents simply cannot agree, even with mediation, or when the court has information that shows a certain arrangement would be better for the kids involved.

There are two main types of custody: legal and physical.

Legal custody refers to a parent’s authority to participate in major decisions about the child’s health, education and welfare.

Physical custody refers to the child’s physical presence with a parent.

Most parents share legal and physical custody – that’s called joint custody. However, in some cases, only one parent has legal custody. Sometimes only one parent has legal and physical custody, too. Usually, that happens when:

It’s in the child’s best interest for only one parent to have those rights and responsibilities
The parents have proven to the court that they are unable to make decisions together
One parent is unfit
One parent is incapable of making decisions or of caring for the child

Modifying Custody Because it’s in the Child’s Best Interest

Sometimes the court will enter an order when parents split up, but later, the order stops working as it should. For example, if the parents are supposed to share physical custody of the child, but one parent moves across the country, the custody order will need to be modified. Another example might be if one parent is putting the child in a dangerous environment, or if he or she is failing to properly care for the child.

Custody orders can be modified, but you’ll have to ask the court to agree to a new plan. Your attorney can file the appropriate petitions and walk you through the process.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Custody and the Best Interest of the Child in California?

If you’re going through a divorce, or if you need to change your custody agreement, we may be able to help you. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Child Custody

13 Co-Parenting Rules to Live By

July 6, 2019October 23, 2019
by Angie

Many people feel more comfortable working with their former spouses when they have co-parenting rules in place.

Co-parenting with your ex isn’t always easy to do, but if you’re like most parents, your children are your main concern. When you and your ex have decided to co-parent – meaning, you’ve agreed to work together to raise your children – you’ve made a great choice for your kids.

Sometimes it’s rough, but if you and your ex-spouse can follow these co-parenting rules, it’ll be easier on all of you.

13 Co-Parenting Rules to Live By

Setting boundaries for each other as co-parents takes away some of the stress many co-parents face. These co-parenting rules aren’t hard-and-fast, but they’re guidelines that you and your ex may want to follow:

Remember that it’s not about you.
Commit to good communication.
Make a plan.
Be flexible.
Be forgiving.
Don’t forget that your kids are watching (and learning).
Leave the kids out of it.
Watch what you say around (or to) the kids.
Don’t fight.
Be consistent.
Respect each other’s time with your kids.
Work hard to agree on big issues.
Don’t use the kids as messengers.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

Co-Parenting Rule #1: Remember that it’s not about you.

You’re co-parenting for your kids’ benefit, so remember, it’s all about them. If your ex is being argumentative, try to remind yourself that the primary focus is on your little ones – and discuss only things relating to them.

Co-Parenting Rule #2: Commit to good communication.

Keep each other in the loop. Choose a communication method that works best for everyone and stick to it… and push yourself to be a good communicator. Sometimes the best method of communication is through text or by email, because it allows you to think things through before you respond – and it provides a paper trail in case you ever need it.

Co-Parenting Rule #3: Make a plan.

Determine what’s most important in raising your children by discussing your goals with your ex. You two, together, can make a plan that covers most of the major issues divorced parents face. What will you do if your children act out? How will you deal with homework, chores, sports and school events? What about your kids’ privileges? If you address these things with your ex now, co-parenting will be easier in the future.

Related: How to develop a parenting plan

Co-Parenting Rule #4: Be flexible.

You and your ex most likely have a parenting time agreement in place, but you both need to be flexible when things come up. Appointments, special activities, illness – there are dozens of reasons you or your ex may need to shift your plans, but as long as you communicate (see Rule #2), nobody will come out worse for wear.

Co-Parenting Rule #5: Be forgiving.

Nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. Don’t hold a grudge, because doing so will derail your ability to communicate with each other. Even worse, it’ll limit your ability to co-parent effectively because your emotions will get in the way of making the best possible decisions for your children.

Co-Parenting Rule #6: Don’t forget that your kids are watching (and learning).

The old saying “Little pitchers have big ears” is just as true today as it was a century ago. Kids hear and see everything – even if you think they’re not paying attention. They’re learning from you both, and the way you deal with each other makes a big impact on what they see as normal and right.

Related: Divorce with kids

Co-Parenting Rule #7: Leave the kids out of it.

Never, ever make your kids feel like they’re in the middle of a tug-of-war. Kids want to love and respect both of you, but when you put them in the middle, they’re automatically going to gravitate toward one side (and if you’re the parent adding stress, it might not be your side they take).

Co-Parenting Rule #8: Watch what you say around (or to) the kids.

Little comments like, “We can’t buy that because Dad doesn’t pay his child support on time” or “I can’t believe she’s always late picking you up – what is she doing?” can be harmful to your kids and to your co-parenting relationship. Be careful what you say while they’re within earshot, too (see Rule #6).

Co-Parenting Rule #9: Don’t fight.

When you and your ex have a parenting plan you can turn to in the event of a dispute, you’ll disagree less. But still, your ex is your ex for a reason – and it’s easy to get sucked into an argument. It happens to everyone! Your job, though, is to keep it away from the kids. Don’t fight or argue in front of them. (Fair warning: This might be one of the hardest rules to follow.)

Co-Parenting Rule #10: Be consistent.

Try to keep the big stuff the same in both houses, like bedtime and basic chores. All the rules don’t have to match up, because sometimes that’s just not feasible. However, you do have to set rules in your home and stick to them. Kids thrive in environments with limits, as long as they know exactly what those limits are.

Co-Parenting Rule #11: Respect each other’s time with your kids.

You both deserve quality time with your kids, but more importantly, your kids deserve quality time with both of you. Don’t make plans that interfere with your ex’s time with the children without making sure it’s okay first, and certainly don’t call and text constantly while your kids are with their other parent.

Co-Parenting Rule #12: Work hard to agree on big issues.

You can’t address everything in your parenting plan because parenting isn’t cut-and-dry – and new issues will pop up as your children grow. Try to agree on big issues, like when your kids are allowed to date, what to do when they break curfew or how to handle new (and challenging) behaviors. If you can’t agree, find an expert – like a mediator, counselor or therapist – who can help you both.

Co-Parenting Rule #13: Don’t use the kids as messengers.

Your kids want to be free to love you both, but if you’re using them as messengers, they’re in the middle of adult problems. It’s fine to say “Tell your dad I said hello” or “Dad asked if you can send my dress shoes next time,” but anything bigger than that needs to be communicated directly to your ex.

The bottom line is that most people are fully capable of co-parenting after a divorce. It’s hard, but it’s possible – and with the right ground rules in place, you can pull it off.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Divorce or Child Custody?

We’ve helped many people through divorce, and we can help you, too. As family law attorneys serving Stockton and the surrounding communities, we have extensive experience dealing with parenting plans and other divorce issues.

Call us at (209) 546-6870 to let us know what you’re going through. We’ll begin developing a strategy that gets you and your children the best possible outcome—and we’ll give you all the support you need during this difficult time.

Child Custody

Parental Alienation Examples

July 1, 2019August 4, 2020
by Angie

Parental alienation is incredibly serious. It’s the practice of turning a child away from one of his or her parents, and it’s extremely harmful to everyone involved – including the parent who’s doing the alienating.

Check out these parental alienation examples so you know how to recognize it if it’s happening to your child. Then, read on to find out what you can do about it.

Parental Alienation Examples

When you read through these parental alienation examples, keep in mind that every case is different. What you see here may be different from what your child is experiencing. The main themes in parental alienation can involve:

Badmouthing one parent
Causing the child to reject the other parent
Interfering with the child’s visitation time and contact with the other parent
Undermining the relationship with the other parent

Let’s take a closer look at each of these – and again, remember that these aren’t the only examples of parental alienation.

Parental Alienation Example #1: Badmouthing one parent.

This can include criticizing or belittling the other parent to the child, or telling the child that his or her other parent is crazy, dangerous or otherwise unworthy of being a parent.

Example: David tells his daughter that her mother is unfit to be a mom. He says that she works too much now, and that she’s always been “crazy.” He tells his daughter that he’s worried that her mom won’t take “good enough” care of her when she visits.

Parental Alienation Example #2: Causing the child to reject the other parent.

This can include making the child feel guilty for loving the other parent, as well as creating parent-child conflict, forcing the child to choose between one or the other, and talking to the child about the divorce.

Example: When Sadie tells her dad that she loves and misses her mom, he scoffs and says, “Why?” He tries to get his daughter angry with her mother, even when her mother hasn’t done anything wrong, and he shares too many details about their divorce and other adult matters that should remain strictly between parents.

Parental Alienation Example #3: Interfering with the child’s visitation time and contact with the other parent.

This includes being chronically late to drop off the child (or picking the child up too early), finding reasons to keep the child when he or she is supposed to be with the other parent, excessively calling the child when he or she is with the other parent, or refusing the child to get in touch with the other parent.

Example: Billie comes up with excuses to prevent her stepdaughter from seeing her non-custodial mom. She purposely makes appointments for the child when it’s visitation time, or simply asks the child whether she feels like skipping the visit. Billie calls excessively when the little girl’s mom takes her to an amusement park and threatens the child with punishment if she fails to pick up the phone.

Parental Alienation Example #4: Undermining the child’s relationship with the other parent.

This includes interrogating the child about details of his or her visit with the other parent or asking the child to spy, as well as refusing to provide the other parent with information on the child or failing to invite the other parent to important activities (like conferences, school plays and things of that nature).

Example: Howie and his wife grill his children when they come home from a visit, demanding details about everything from what they ate to where they went and who they saw. They also refuse to let his ex-wife know how the kids are doing in school (or asks the school not to divulge information to her), and never mentions when there’s an important event coming up that his ex should be part of.

What Are the Signs of Parental Alienation?

The signs of parental alienation aren’t always easy to spot, but if you see them, it’s in your best interest to take your child to talk to a therapist or counselor as soon as possible. It can be incredibly painful and harmful – not just to the child, but to the alienated parent as well.

Some of the signs of parental alienation include:

Extreme negativity toward the alienated parent, including denying past positive experiences
Lack of remorse for hurting the alienated parent’s feelings
Preposterous reasons for being angry with the alienated parent
Saying that the rejection of the alienated parent is “all my idea”
Seeing one parent as “all-good” and the other as “all-bad”
Taking the side of the alienating parent, no matter what

What if Your Ex is Engaging in Parental Alienation?

If your ex is engaged in a campaign of parental alienation against you, you may be able to modify your custody order to help your child get out of the situation.

We may be able to help you. Remember, though, that every case is different. Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with a caring, compassionate and knowledgeable Stockton child custody attorney now.

Child Custody

Reasons to Modify Child Custody

June 27, 2019August 4, 2020
by Angie

If you’re a parent whose custody agreement isn’t working out, you probably already know that you have to have valid reasons to modify child custody… but what are those reasons, and what can you do if one of them applies?

Reasons to Modify Child Custody: The Basics

The court won’t grant your request to modify child custody if you can’t provide a valid reason for doing it. Typically, the courts favor an existing custody agreement over making changes – unless, of course, there’s been a significant change in your (or the other parent’s) circumstances.

Either parent can file a motion to modify child custody. The catch: The person filing for the change will have to show the court why it’s in the child’s best interest.

5 Common Reasons to Modify Child Custody

There are several reasons parents give for asking to modify an existing custody agreement. Some of the most common include when one parent:

Needs to relocate because of work or personal reasons
Is exercising religious practices that are harming the child
Has put the child in a dangerous environment
Is preventing the other parent from seeing the child
Has failed or is failing to properly care for the child

Let’s take a closer look at each – and remember, these aren’t the only reasons a court can modify custody. There are dozens more, and every case is different.

#1. Relocation

When a mom or dad needs to relocate – whether it’s for work or personal reasons – the parents may need to change the entire custody agreement. For example, if the child spends every other weekend with one parent, but that parent is moving out of state, it would be unreasonable to expect the custodial parent to make travel arrangements that frequently. It would probably be pretty hard on the child, too, depending on how far away the other parent was moving.

#2. Harmful Religious Practices

A judge won’t change custody because of one parent’s religion unless there’s proof of harm to the child. Dress codes, dietary restrictions and other activity restrictions aren’t usually big enough reasons to modify child custody. However, if there is proof of harm to the child – such as abuse or other issues – or when one parent threatens to take the child away to practice a particular religion (it happened in New York), the court may find that a change is in order.

#3. Putting the Child in a Dangerous Environment

If one parent puts the child in a dangerous environment – such as taking the child along to buy drugs or has an unsanitary and dangerous home (like in the case of hoarding) – the other parent may be able to ask the court to modify custody. There are several places and circumstances that can create a dangerous environment for kids. If you’re not sure whether something qualifies, talk to your Stockton custody lawyer about the situation. She’ll be able to help you sort things out.

#4. Preventing the Other Parent From Seeing the Child

If there’s a custody order in place, both parents are supposed to stick to it – it’s an official court order. However, when one parent prevents the other from seeing or spending time with the child, a modification might be necessary. This is extremely serious, and it’s harmful to the child (and everyone else involved). If this is going on in your situation, talk to an attorney about what you can do to help salvage your relationship with your child. You may also want to talk to a therapist with your child.

#5. Failure to Properly Care for the Child

Every parent has a responsibility to care for his or her children. When one parent fails at that responsibility, such as by failing to provide adequate food, shelter and clothing – or when the parent fails to emotionally care for the child – you may have a reason to modify child custody.

The bottom line, though, is that the parent asking for the modification has to show that there are significant changes that make the change necessary. You’ll have to provide the court with proof in order for the judge to consider your request.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Your Reasons to Modify Child Custody?

If you need to discuss your situation with an attorney and find out what your options are as far as changing your custody agreement, we may be able to help you. Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with a caring, compassionate and knowledgeable Stockton divorce attorney now. We can also help you with issues related to parentage and child custody, spousal support and other divorce issues.

Child Custody

Grounds for Full Custody of a Child

June 17, 2019August 4, 2020
by Angie

What are the grounds for full custody of a child? You might be surprised to learn that the courts determine custody on a case-by-case basis, and even the smallest factors play a role.

Grounds for Full Custody of a Child: What California Law Says About Parenting

The state of California recognizes that children, when possible, have a right to access to both of their parents. The only cases in which one parent has grounds for full custody of a child occur when it’s in the child’s best interest.

What is Full Custody?

When people say full custody (or sole custody), they’re usually talking about legal and physical custody.

Legal custody refers to a parent’s ability to make decisions about his or her child’s welfare. That can include things like where the child will attend school, whether the child will engage in religious activities (and which religion the child is part of), and whether a child should receive some types of medical care (not counting emergencies – just routine care, like getting braces at the orthodontist).
Physical custody refers to where a child will live, both during and after his or her parents divorce or separate. Physical custody is a lot different from legal custody – the parent who has physical custody has the right to have the child in his or her home.

Most people have a joint custody arrangement, with both parents sharing legal custody – the right to make important decisions about the child – and joint physical custody, in which the child spends plenty of time with both parents.

However, there are some cases in which it’s appropriate to give full custody to one parent. In cases like those, only one parent has the right to make all the major decisions about health, education and welfare. The child only lives with one parent, too, although the other parent can enjoy visitation rights.

Related: Full custody information

When Are There Grounds for Full Custody of a Child?

When one parent is incarcerated, for example, or he or she is in a drug treatment program or has been proven an addict, the other parent may ask the court for full custody of the child. Other cases might involve:

Sexual abuse
Physical abuse
Abduction
Neglect
Domestic violence
The violation of court orders
Parental alienation

What if You Want Full Custody?

If you want full custody of your child or children, you need to let your divorce attorney know – and you should be prepared to provide valid reasons that the other parent should not be allowed to make decisions about the kids’ health, welfare and education. You can’t simply say, “My wife cheated on me, so I don’t want her to have the kids.” (Well, you can say it – but a judge is unlikely to see eye-to-eye with you based on that alone.)

Your attorney will most likely encourage you to try to reach an agreement with your spouse rather than telling you to fight things out in court. There are a couple of reasons for this, and one of them is that litigation (going to court to fight) is a lot more expensive and time-consuming. If you and your spouse can reach an agreement – either that one of you will get full custody or that you’ll share joint custody – you won’t have to fight in court.

Remember, though, that the judge will only sign off on your agreement if it’s in your child’s best interest. Even if you think you have grounds for full custody of a child, that decision rests with the judge in your case. That means if you and your spouse agree that one of you should have full custody, but the court doesn’t believe it’s in your child’s best interest, you’re going to have a joint custody arrangement.

Do You Have Grounds for Full Custody of a Child?

If you believe you have grounds for full custody of a child and you’re splitting up with your spouse, we may be able to help you.

Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with a caring, compassionate and knowledgeable Stockton divorce attorney now. We can help you with issues related to parentage and child custody, spousal support and other divorce issues.

Divorce

California Divorce: Family, Home and Children

February 22, 2019May 24, 2020
by Angie

A lot of people who call us want to know about California divorce – family, home and children are among the most commonly asked questions.

Here’s what you need to know.

California Divorce: Family, Home and Children

Most people who get a divorce are primarily concerned about the effect it will have on their families. Fortunately, you and your spouse can make an agreement to co-parent your kids – and that can strengthen your parent-child bonds on both sides.

California Divorce and Your Family

Breaking up the family unit is one of the things that makes a lot of parents think twice about divorce – even when they’re in a bad situation or an emotionally toxic relationship.

The good news is that with a good joint custody agreement, kids can have the benefits of a healthy relationship with both parents.

Joint Custody

There are two types of joint custody: legal and physical.

In joint legal custody, each parent gets equal rights and responsibilities when it comes to making decisions about their kids’ health, welfare and education.

In joint physical custody, both parents share living quarters with their children for a significant period of time. It doesn’t have to be an equal 50-50 split, though; it just has to be close. The parents can also share custody in a way that one parent has the children more than the other; the parent with whom the child lives most of the time is the custodial parent, and the one the child visits (on weekends and holidays, for example) is the non-custodial parent.

No matter what type of custody agreement you have, though, you and your spouse can make the choice to co-parent.

What is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is cooperation between you and your ex-spouse to parent your children. It requires you and your ex to communicate regularly, make decisions about your children together, and share your schedules so that you can both put your kids first. You can agree on things like:

Discipline and rule-making
How you’ll handle last-minute scheduling changes
How to deal with emergencies
How you’ll manage extra expenses not covered in child support

The key is remaining consistent through both homes. If the rule is that at mom’s house, there’s no TV after 8 p.m., the rule should stay the same at dad’s house.

California Divorce and Your Home

One of the other major issues people ask us about is the house. In fact, for some couples, the family home is almost as important as child custody is.

During divorce, you can negotiate a property settlement with your spouse. Because California is a community property state, you both have equal rights to the house if you bought it while you were married. In that case, you have three major options – and a little flexibility, which your Stockton divorce lawyer can explain to you. Your options include a buyout, a deferred sale, or an outright sale.

Buyout

You and your spouse may agree that one of you takes full ownership of the house. The one who takes ownership will also take over payments. That might include refinancing the home in only one spouse’s name.

Deferred Sale

Sometimes the court will order that you both keep the home because it’s in your children’s best interests. You and your ex will both stay on the mortgage, but the custodial parent gets exclusive use and possession of the home. You can sell it after a certain period of time.

Sale

You might also choose to sell the home outright and split the proceeds of the sale. A lot of people choose this option when neither spouse can make the payments on their own.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer About Family, Home and Children?

If you need to talk to an attorney about a divorce, we’re here to help you.

While you’re here, you can also explore our articles on:

Call us at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a lawyer who can help today. We’ll help you with every aspect of your divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division.