Divorcing an Addict: What You Need to Know

October 12, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Divorcing an addict is incredibly difficult. You may be struggling with guilt, confusion or even remorse after you make the decision to leave – but it’s your decision alone, and hopefully, you trust yourself enough to know that you made the right choice.

When you divorce an addict, you have to plan, prepare and muster your courage. It’s not an easy road, but in many cases, it’s an easier path to take than staying with an addict would be.

Divorcing an Addict: What You Need to Know

While many professionals can explain that there’s a spectrum of addiction, with some people being on both ends (functional and dysfunctional, but not in the way you’re probably thinking), you have to make the right decisions for yourself – and your kids, if you have them.

The ends of the addiction spectrum – functional and dysfunctional – are simply ways to measure how much harm the addict is doing to your family, other than just to him- or her-self.

Functional Addicts

Functional addicts can typically hold down a job, make a decent wage, and usually present themselves as normal, functioning members of society. Sometimes functional addicts binge-use drugs or alcohol, and often, they build up a tolerance so it’s tough to tell if they’re under the influence.

Dysfunctional Addicts

Dysfunctional addicts are generally the opposite of functional addicts. They may struggle to hold a job, have criminal records related to drugs or alcohol, or have a history of going to (and dropping out of) rehab programs. Some dysfunctional addicts are so caught up in drug or alcohol use that they’re at risk of dying every day; usually, their addiction is long-term. These addicts can be a danger to everyone around them, as well.

Divorcing an Addict: You Need Legal Counsel

For most people who are divorcing an addict, talking to a lawyer is an essential first step. Your attorney can help you determine how to proceed with a divorce, and she can tell you what kind of evidence you’ll need to gather in order to keep your children safe when it comes to child custody.

Divorcing an Addict: Be Ready to Follow Through

You should never threaten divorce unless you mean to follow through with it. That’s true in any situation – not just when you’re leaving a drug addict or alcoholic.

Unfortunately, many people threaten divorce thinking that it will make their spouse “come around” and quit using drugs or alcohol. Usually, it doesn’t work. An alcoholic or drug addict is suffering from a disease, so his or her refusal to get help and turn things around isn’t an indicator of how much they love their spouse – it’s just the way addiction works.

Divorcing an Addict: You May Feel Guilty

You, like many people, may feel like you’re abandoning your spouse in his or her worst moments. But the reality is that there is only so much you can do – and you have to keep yourself and your children safe. You cannot force an addict to get help or get clean. However, you can protect your family by leaving a toxic situation. Remember, too, that kids learn how to behave from their parents – and you don’t want your children to learn these behaviors or be even more at-risk for addiction.

Divorcing an Addict: Protect Your Assets

Unfortunately, it’s fairly common for an addict to spend all of his or her family’s money on the addiction. While you should never drain a joint bank account (doing so could get you into legal trouble), you should talk to your attorney about how you can protect your assets. If you don’t already have a separate bank account and your own credit cards, now is the time to establish them. You may need to remove your spouse as an authorized user on your credit cards, as well.

Are You Considering Divorcing an Addict?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

How Can I Get Full Custody of My Kids?

Courts in California generally recognize that kids benefit most from a good relationship with both parents, even when those parents don’t get along with each other. There are some exceptions, such as cases in which one parent has been abusive, but for the most part, children have a right to have relationships with both parents.

What Do You Mean When You Say Full Custody?

When most people say “full custody,” they typically mean sole custody – a situation in which one parent has legal and physical custody of the child but the other parent does not.

Legal custody is a parent’s authority to make decisions about a child’s education, his or her religious upbringing, health and general welfare.

Physical custody refers to a child’s physical presence with a parent.

Sometimes parents only mean to say that they want full physical custody of their children while the other parent is entitled to visitation. If that’s the case in your situation, your divorce attorney may encourage you to

Requesting Full Custody: What the Courts Need to See

If you’re requesting full custody of your kids, you’ll have to provide the court with a compelling reason your children’s other parent shouldn’t share custody with you. You can’t expect the court to just take your word for it; in fact, you’ll have to prove that there is a valid reason that your ex shouldn’t be part of your children’s lives.

Some of the cases that cause courts to rule entirely in one parent’s favor when it comes to full custody include:

Child abuse. In cases where there is documented child abuse, the courts may grant the non-abusive parent full custody. It’s important that you have documentation to back up your claims, such as photos or police reports, when you’re accusing the other parent of abuse. Remember that false allegations can destroy your credibility, however, and that the court may question your ability to foster a loving relationship between your children and the other parent if you are willing to make false allegations of abuse.

Domestic violence. From the Administrative Office of the Courts: “If a court decides there is domestic violence (now or in the past 5 years) against a parent or the children, the judge must follow special rules to decide custody of the children. Usually, the judge cannot give custody to the person who committed domestic violence. But the judge can give that person visitation.” (Even then, the judge may still be able to give custody to the person who committed the domestic violence.)

Drug or alcohol abuse. The courts can consider substance abuse in a custody dispute, which includes the abuse of prescription medications, street drug use, or alcohol abuse. However, just the allegation (or even proof) that the other parent has used drugs or abused alcohol isn’t usually enough to support a full custody claim. Usually, the other parent must frequently, habitually or continually use illegal drugs or abuse alcohol. (The court may limit parenting time or create other orders that protect the children due to occasional drug use or alcohol abuse, however.)

Abandonment. If one parent has abandoned the children, the courts may recognize that there hasn’t been any bonding between the kids and that parent. In cases such as those, it wouldn’t be in the kids’ best interests to share custody – especially if the other parent is unreliable and may drop right back out of the children’s lives.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Child Custody?

If you’re still wondering how you can get full custody of your children during your divorce, we may be able to help you. Call us at 209-910-9865 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today. We’ll discuss your case, find out about your circumstances and start formulating a plan that gets you and your children the best possible outcome.

Tag: <span>Alcohol Abuse</span>

Divorcing an Addict: What You Need to Know

Divorcing an Addict: What You Need to Know

Functional Addicts

Dysfunctional Addicts

Divorcing an Addict: You Need Legal Counsel

Divorcing an Addict: Be Ready to Follow Through

Divorcing an Addict: You May Feel Guilty

Divorcing an Addict: Protect Your Assets

Are You Considering Divorcing an Addict?

How Can I Get Full Custody of My Kids?

How Can I Get Full Custody of My Kids?

What Do You Mean When You Say Full Custody?

Requesting Full Custody: What the Courts Need to See

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Child Custody?

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