Many people who come to us for help have similar stories – thanks to an unfaithful husband, the marriage is on the rocks.
Often, cheating is an unforgivable offense. It’s something that destroys the foundation of a marriage, and it sends spouses looking for an “out.” And while cheating won’t have an impact on child custody (except in rare cases), you absolutely have rights if your husband cheated on you.
Here’s what you need to know.
My Husband Cheated. What Are My Rights?
There’s no doubt that cheating often leads to divorce. Some spouses stay, working toward resolutions (both personal and marital) – but others can’t live with the trauma.
Generally speaking, your husband’s infidelity doesn’t grant you any special rights in your divorce. You are entitled to a divorce if you want one – and because California is a no-fault divorce state, you don’t have to have a reason at all. You also have the right to a fair amount of time with your children, if you have them, and you may be entitled to spousal support.
Your Rights if Your Husband Spent Money on an Affair Partner
In one special – and rare – circumstance, you may be entitled to reimbursement from your spouse. That can happen when your spouse spent money on his affair partner that belonged to your marital estate. California is a community property state, which means everything that you accumulate while you’re married belongs to both of you equally. If you can prove what your spouse spent on his affair partner, the court may be able to order him to repay your marital estate for it.
Your Rights to Child Custody After Your Husband Cheated
The courts can’t use fault to determine things like child custody in most divorce cases. That means even if your husband cheated on you multiple times, or in plain view of your children, judges can’t usually say, “Well, you automatically get child custody.” (There are some exceptions, though, which we’ll cover next.)
The state of California recognizes that it’s in a child’s best interest to have a healthy relationship with both of his or her parents. The exception is when your husband’s cheating changes his “fitness” as a parent.
When Cheating and Being an Unfit Parent Go Hand-in-Hand
In California, the best interest of the child is the most important thing when it comes to determining child custody. Parental fitness – the ability a parent has to provide a safe, nurturing and healthy environment for a child – is extremely important. Usually, it takes pretty extreme circumstances for the courts to consider a parent “unfit” to care for his or her children, such as drug use, physical abuse or other issues.
A court may find that your soon-to-be ex-husband is unfit to parent your children if he moves in with the affair partner and abuses drugs, or if he or the affair partner abuse your children, for example.
And while living accommodations don’t necessarily make your ex an unfit parent, the court will certainly consider the size of his home or apartment when determining child custody. For example, if he moves into a studio apartment, there may not be room for your children to sleep overnight; in a case like that, the court would rule in favor of what’s best for your children.
My Husband Cheated – What Are My Rights to Alimony?
In some divorce cases, one spouse has to pay the other alimony (commonly called spousal support). The money is typically intended to help a lower-earning spouse get back on his or her feet. While cheating won’t affect the amount of alimony you get from your spouse, it may change the amount you owe if he qualifies for it. That can happen if he’s living with his affair partner, who can help defray his living expenses.
Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Your Rights After Your Husband Cheated?
If your husband cheated and you need to know about your rights, we may be able to help you. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.
If you’re like many people going through divorce, you have a lot of questions – and one of them is Does adultery affect child custody in California?
Adultery – what it’s called when one person “steps out” of a marriage by being unfaithful – isn’t supposed to affect your divorce. In fact, California is a no-fault divorce state. That means you don’t have to have a reason for divorcing, and the courts can’t use fault to determine things like child custody in most cases. (We’ll get to those exceptions later.)
The state of California recognizes that it’s in kids’ best interests to have healthy relationships with both parents. (That’s true even if you have a low opinion of your spouse because he or she cheated on you.) The courts won’t say, “Well, you cheated, so you can only see your kids every other weekend.”
Here’s the deal, though. If one spouse’s infidelity during the marriage changed his or her fitness as a parent, the courts can use it to rule on child custody. But being an “unfit” parent is a big deal, and courts don’t throw that around lightly. The fact that he or she cheated – while it did destroy your marriage – doesn’t mean that the courts will see your spouse as an unfit parent.
Your spouse would have to do something that seriously changed his or her ability to parent, like engage in sexual acts with the other party in front of the kids. The adultery could also affect custody if the new partner abuses the children, for example. If the affair changes your spouse’s living arrangements in a way that wouldn’t be good for the kids (like if he or she moved into a studio apartment with the paramour, and there aren’t any beds or sofas for the children to sleep on), the courts would rule based on what’s best for the kids.
Your Kids’ Best Interests
It’s important to remember that the courts will always put the kids’ best interests first. In cases like those, there’s no way to predict how a judge will rule – but the courts definitely have options. A judge might:
Restrict one parent from seeing the kids except when he or she is supervised
Say that the kids can’t have overnight visits with one parent
Come up with any remedy that puts the kids’ needs first
The bottom line is that even though adultery may have destroyed your marriage, it won’t affect child custody unless it has changed your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s fitness as a parent.
It can, however, affect other aspects of your divorce.
Adultery and Divorce: What Does it Affect?
Adultery can have a minimal impact on other aspects of your divorce, but only in limited circumstances. For example, it may affect property distribution and alimony.
How Adultery Can Affect Property Division
When one spouse spends marital money – which is community property – on an affair partner, and when the other spouse can prove it, the courts may order the big spender to repay half of what he or she spent. This can be very difficult to prove, so without a paper trail, you may not be able to show the court how much your spouse spent on the affair partner. Even if you just suspect that your spouse spent money on the affair partner, though, you should let your Stockton divorce attorney know. Your spouse could be hiding money or accounts, which he or she is legally required to disclose during divorce.
How Adultery Can Affect Alimony
In some cases, the courts order one spouse to pay the other alimony. Known as spousal support, this money is supposed to help a lower-earning spouse get back on his or her feet. Several factors go into a judge’s alimony decision, and one of them is the lower-earning spouse’s living arrangements. If your spouse cheated on you and is now living with the affair partner, you may not owe him or her as much alimony as you ordinarily would – after all, there’s someone else living there that can help pay the bills and provide support.
Who Pays for Divorce if Adultery is the Cause?
You can ask the court to order your spouse to pay your legal fees related to divorce, but not because he or she cheated on you. Section 271 of the California Family Code allows the court to order one person to pay another person’s legal fees if that person doesn’t have enough money to pay his or her own legal fees. Sometimes judges can order one spouse to pay the other’s legal fees without need, too, such as when one party keeps trying to drag the other back to court needlessly.
How Do You Prove Infidelity During Divorce?
In California, there’s typically no need to prove infidelity. It won’t impact the outcome of your case (unless your spouse spent all your family’s savings on his or her affair partner, or your spouse engaged in lewd behavior with a paramour in front of your children, that is).
If you believe that your spouse’s cheating will have an impact on your divorce, you’ll need to provide the court with evidence. That could include credit card statements or bank statements that show how much money your spouse spent on the other party, or proof that your spouse (or the affair partner) behaved improperly in front of your children. The behavior has to be extreme, though – as upset as you may be that your children stayed the night with your ex at the same time his or her affair partner did, that alone probably isn’t enough for the adultery to affect your divorce.
Is Adultery Punishable by Law in California?
While adultery is against the law in some states , it’s not illegal in California. As a result, someone can’t go to jail for cheating on a spouse. However, there are other ways that adultery can affect a person going through a divorce, such as property division and spousal support (both of which are discussed above). But remember: California is a no-fault divorce state, which means that a judge is unlikely to consider a person’s infidelity unless he or she spent family money on a paramour (and the jilted spouse can prove it) or if it directly affected the children in a negative way.
So is cheating a crime in California? No, it’s not. However, it can affect divorce in multiple ways.
In What States Can You Sue Your Spouse for Cheating?
Alienation of affection is recognized in a handful of states:
Hawaii
Mississippi
New Mexico
North Carolina
South Dakota
Utah
How Do You Salvage a Relationship After Cheating?
There are many people who believe you can’t salvage a relationship after cheating – but on the other side of the coin, there are people who believe you can. If you’re interested in saving your marriage, you may want to talk to a divorce therapist near you about what to do next. Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. Even more, both of you must be willing to salvage your relationship and commit to the idea that you need to create a “new normal.”
Can I Sue My Wife’s Lover in California? (Or My Husband’s Lover?)
Some states do allow you to sue your spouse’s paramour for alienation of affection… but California isn’t one of them. There aren’t any “homewrecker” laws in our state. Although you’re heartbroken over what happened, you’re not going to find justice for your spouse’s moral issue in the court system.
This might really work out in your favor, though. To sue your wife’s lover (or your husband’s lover), you’d have to have concrete proof that he or she cheated on you. Finding that proof can cause more heartbreak than it’s worth.
Remember: You don’t need to prove that someone is at-fault for your divorce in California. You just need to let the court know that your marriage cannot continue because you have irreconcilable differences.
Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About How Adultery Affects Child Custody in California?
If you’re going through a divorce, or if you need to talk to a lawyer about how adultery affects child custody in California, we may be able to help you. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.
Is adultery illegal in California? Many people whose spouses have cheated ask us that question – and the short answer is no. Adultery isn’t illegal in California, but it can affect some aspects of your divorce.
Is Adultery Illegal in California When it Comes to Divorce?
Divorce is a civil proceeding, not a criminal one – which means you can’t say that adultery is “illegal.” However, it can make an impact when you divorce a cheating spouse.
Where is Adultery Illegal?
Most laws prohibiting adultery are gone, but in a few states, there are still laws on the books. They’re generally unenforced because they’re archaic, and many include language like “criminal conversation.” (They used that term because it was too risqué to say “sex.”)
States with laws against adultery, as of this writing, include:
Alabama
Arizona
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Kansas
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
New York
North Carolina
Oklahoma
South Carolina
Utah
Virginia
Wisconsin
In most of these places, the laws are unenforced and haven’t been updated in years. For example, if you’re actually prosecuted for cheating on your spouse in Maryland, the fine is a whopping $10. However, in other states, such as Massachusetts, Idaho and Michigan, adultery is a felony.
If Adultery Isn’t Illegal in California, What Impact Does it Have on Divorce?
While California is a no-fault divorce state – meaning that you don’t have to give the courts a reason (like adultery) in order to get a divorce – it can have a small effect on your divorce. However, that only applies in very specific situations.
A judge cannot make your spouse pay you extra alimony, for example, because he or she cheated during your marriage.
The only time it matters to the court that you were married to someone who was unfaithful is if your soon-to-be ex-spouse spends money on a paramour or the affair directly affected your children (other than by causing your divorce, that is).
Money and Affairs: Adultery Isn’t Illegal, but it Can Be Costly
If your spouse blows your family savings account on a girlfriend or boyfriend while you’re married, you have every right to be angry – and you may have legal recourse, because there’s a good chance that some of that money belonged to you. You and your spouse equally own the money that came into your marriage while you were together (with the exception of gifts and inheritances intended only for your spouse).
Although the judge can’t order your spouse to pay you extra alimony or give you more property, he or she can make your spouse reimburse your marital estate. However, you’ll have to prove what your spouse spent and that he or she spent it on an affair partner. That might be easy to do if you have credit card bills and other ways to build a paper trail, but it can be nearly impossible if you don’t.
If your spouse did spend your money on his or her affair partner, make sure you let your attorney know.
It’s extremely unfortunate that your spouse’s cheating ended your marriage, but it won’t have any effect on child custody.
Unless, of course, the affair changed the cheater’s fitness as a parent. For example, if your spouse engaged in sexual acts in front of your kids, or if he or she worked with the affair partner to disrupt your relationship with them, you could have legal recourse.
Is Adultery Legal in California? No, But You Don’t Have to Stay With a Cheater
While adultery isn’t illegal in California, it’s the cause of many marital break-ups. If your spouse cheated on you and you want to explore your options, we can help you.
The sad truth is that people cheat – and that cheating often leads to divorce.
But how do California alimony laws treat infidelity?
Here’s what you need to know.
California Alimony Laws and Infidelity
Divorce after infidelity is incredibly painful. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you know exactly what we’re talking about. First things first: We’re very sorry you’re going through this, and we want you to know that we’re here to fight for everything you deserve.
If you’re like many people, you need to know about spousal support – and how infidelity is covered under California alimony laws.
California is a no-fault divorce state, which means you don’t have to show the court that your partner is at-fault for your split in order to obtain a divorce. You only have to show the court that you and your spouse have irreconcilable differences. That means you can’t resolve your issues and you no longer wish to continue your marriage – your relationship has gone past the point of no return, and you’re unwilling or unable to save it. That’s true even if you or your spouse had an extramarital affair; you don’t even need to bring it up in court.
When it comes to alimony, adultery doesn’t play a role. A judge can’t say, “Well, your husband cheated on you, so he’ll have to pay twice what I’d ordinarily order.” The judge will look at specific factors to determine how much alimony changes hands. Factors for alimony in California include:
How long you were married
Your needs based on the standard of living established during your marriage
The other spouse’s ability to pay
The age and health of both spouses
Whether one spouse helped the other build a career through education, training and other means
There are some ways that your spouse may have to repay you for his or her infidelity, but it doesn’t come in the form of alimony.
Here’s the deal: When your spouse spends your family’s money on his or her affair partner, half of that money belongs to you. California is a community property state, so all the money that your spouse spent was part of your marital estate.
If you can prove what your spouse spent on his or her affair partner, the court could order reimbursement.
On the other side of the coin, if your cheating spouse is living with his or her affair partner but is asking for spousal support, your Stockton divorce attorney can point out that he or she has a decreased need for support. If two people are living together, the expenses can be halved if they both kick in – and that probably means that your soon-to-be ex doesn’t need as much money in spousal support.
Infidelity has long-lasting effects that are tough to move past. You shouldn’t rush yourself, because only you know your healing timetable. You may find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you.
The loss of trust between you and your spouse can make it difficult to negotiate, find resolutions and even make good decisions about your own future. You owe it to yourself – and your kids – to practice self-care as you heal from the trauma your spouse inflicted on you.
It’s a question we hear often – and it’s one that has a simple answer: It doesn’t.
But that answer isn’t absolute. Here’s what you need to know about how adultery affects divorce in California, whether you’re in Stockton or elsewhere.
How Does Adultery Affect Divorce in California?
Adultery can certainly cause divorce – in fact, it happens every day. But when it comes to hashing out the legal details, adultery (the act of cheating on your spouse) doesn’t have much of an impact on the divorce itself. Keep reading, though, because there are a handful of instances in which the adulterer ends up paying for what he or she did financially.
Adultery and No-Fault Divorce
Always a leader, California was the first state to implement no-fault divorce. What that means is that you don’t have to prove someone was wrong in order to get a divorce here – you just have to assert that your marriage is irretrievably broken and nothing’s going to fix it.
If you walk into court and say, “My spouse cheated and I want him to pay,” the court can’t do anything but work through the divorce settlement you and your attorney have proposed.
Judges can’t make a cheating spouse pay because he or she strayed.
That is, unless your spouse blew your life savings on a paramour, or his or her affair affected your children.
When Your Spouse Spends Money on His or Her Affair Partner
If your spouse has spent big bucks on his or her affair partner, you have every right to be mad – you should be mad, because some of the money he or she spent belonged to you. You and your spouse equally own everything either of you acquired during your marriage, and that includes the money in your bank account. When your cheating spouse spends money on his or her affair partner, that cash is coming from your marital estate.
And while a judge can’t give you more property because your spouse cheated, he or she can make your spouse reimburse your marital estate for half the money that went toward the affair partner.
The catch: You have to prove what your spouse spent. It might be easy if your soon-to-be ex wrote a check to a car dealership, but littler things, like hotel stays and dates, might be tougher to prove. If your spouse spent a bunch of cash on his or her affair partner, let your divorce attorney know – you may be able to ask the court to order your spouse to reimburse your marital estate for it.
A Word on Spousal Support and Infidelity
The court can’t punish someone for cheating by ordering him or her to pay alimony – but the courts can consider a decreased need for support. If the cheating spouse is demanding alimony but lives with his or her affair partner, he or she likely has less of a need for support because the affair partner should be kicking in to pay some bills.
When Your Spouse’s Affair Affected Your Kids
California custody law doesn’t care that your spouse cheated on you. In fact, custody is almost completely untouched by unfaithfulness – what’s most important is what’s best for the kids, and in the vast majority of cases, that’s having good, quality time with both parents. The only way infidelity is going to have an impact on child custody is if the affair changed the cheating partner’s fitness as a parent, such as engaging in sexual acts in front of them.
Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How Adultery Affects Divorce in California?
If you need to talk to an attorney about the ways adultery affects divorce in California, we’re here to help.
If you’ve been the victim of infidelity, which can shatter the foundation of a marriage, nobody can tell you whether you should stay or go—and that’s the tough part. You’re caught in a period of questioning your own identity, and you just wish there was a clear-cut answer to whether your marriage can survive your spouse’s betrayal.
Only you can make the decision to divorce or work things out with your spouse after he or she has so callously and cruelly disregarded your feelings. However, you have to make the decision logically (and keep the “big picture” in mind, all the time… even when it’s tough).
Logical Decisions You Need to Make About Divorce After Your Spouse Cheats
Some people have a zero-tolerance policy on cheating: One episode and the marriage is over.
Others see infidelity as more of a gray area and choose to stay and work on the marriage.
Many people don’t know immediately what the right decision is. It can take months for the reality of the affair to sink in, and experts suggest not making any rash decisions when you’re dealing with raw emotions.
However, in addition to the deeper questions about your marriage, trust, and whether you can still love your partner, you need to evaluate your new—and unwelcome—situation logically.
Ask yourself:
Can you afford to live on your own, with just one income? Would you be entitled to spousal support?
Realistically, would you or your ex keep possession of your marital home?
Would you have to move to another city, or even another state, so you’d have a support network in place?
How reasonable is your spouse when it comes to negotiation? (Sometimes remorseful spouses can be more reasonable than unrepentant ones, which is something to keep in mind if you choose to divorce.)
How will your children deal with the news of a split? Do you have a counselor or therapist you—and your children—can talk to?
What can you do to protect your assets if you choose to divorce?
Financial Considerations
If you’re not currently working and your spouse is, you may not be financially prepared for divorce. You can’t count on spousal support or child support until you have a signed court order in your hands, no matter what your spouse promises to pay you or what he or she has given you in the past.
Talk to your Stockton divorce attorney about your options if you’re out of the workforce. You may have to begin working before you file for divorce.
Your home falls under “financial considerations,” too. The person who takes over the marital home generally assumes the payments for it, and all the utilities, repairs, insurance, and other bills come along with it.
You’ll also have to weigh your financial considerations against your ability to forgive your spouse. Nobody wants to live with the unfair consequences of a spouse’s affair—especially the victimized spouse—but if you have to choose between struggling a little financially and living the rest of your life with the misery of what your husband or wife has done, your choice may become a bit easier.
Where Would Your Children Live?
California law is very clear about being fair to the children when it comes to quality time with each parent. However, in many situations, parents aren’t able to reasonably divide every day in half for the kids; many families have custody plans that involve visitation at one parent’s house with the children’s primary residence at the other parent’s house.
As you contemplate divorcing your unfaithful spouse, think about possible outcomes for your children. Would they keep living with you or primarily live with your spouse? What would be best for them? (As a side note, most experts agree that divorce is better for children when the parents can’t, or won’t, get along.)
Getting Far Enough Past Your Emotions to Think Logically
It takes time—sometimes a lot of time—for the raw emotions to subside. While you’re still on that roller coaster, you should avoid making any permanent decisions (even the decision to stay is a permanent one). It’s tough to see through your emotions and look at the logical consequences of what your spouse’s infidelity has done. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you sort through your emotions and make the best possible decision for you and your children.
Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Attorney?
If you’re contemplating divorce and need to talk to a lawyer who understands, call us at 209-910-9865 or get in touch with us online for a divorce case evaluation. We’ll talk about your situation and start developing a strategy that gets you—and your kids—the best possible outcome.
If you’re like most people, you’ve heard the term grounds for divorce—but what does that really mean, and do you really need to pinpoint a specific reason before you divorce your spouse in California? While it’s typically best to ask an attorney who practices family law in Stockton about the specifics of your own case, here’s what you need to know about grounds for divorce in California.
What Are Grounds for Divorce in California?
California is a no-fault divorce state. That means if you file for divorce, you don’t have to provide the court with a specific reason. You can get a divorce in Stockton and elsewhere in California when you and your spouse simply have “irreconcilable differences.”
You do not have to disclose your reasons for divorcing to the court other than to say that you have irreconcilable differences.
A Word on Irreconcilable Differences
The term irreconcilable differences simply means that neither party in a marriage committed an act that directly brought about the end of the marriage (like adultery, abandonment, or cruelty). When you use this term, it means that neither party is completely at-fault for the marriage’s breakdown.
Will the Grounds for Your Divorce Have an Impact on Your Alimony Award?
Most people don’t want to spill the personal details of a split in a courtroom, and that’s completely fine. It’s important to know that in most cases, the grounds for your divorce won’t have an effect on the amount or duration of an alimony award that you receive.
(Even cheating is unlikely to affect your alimony award. Remember, the purpose of spousal support is to ensure that one spouse doesn’t fall into poverty because of the divorce. The courts don’t use it as a punishment for a spouse’s bad behavior during the marriage.)
There is one exception, though: If your spouse has been convicted of violent or abusive behavior, the judge has the power to reduce or, in some cases, eliminate the alimony that the abuser would normally be entitled to receive.
What the Courts Look at When Determining Alimony Awards
The courts must look at several factors when determining how much alimony will change hands, including:
Each spouse’s earning capacity
How much each spouse contributed to the other’s career, education, and other financially tied achievements
Each spouse’s ability to pay alimony
The needs of each spouse based on the standard of living each enjoyed during the marriage
Tax consequences to each spouse
The balance of hardships each spouse must now endure
This isn’t a complete list. Instead, courts look at these factors and a number of others—including any other factors the judge believes are fair and reasonable—to make an alimony award determination.
Do You Need “Grounds for Divorce” in California?
You don’t need to have a specific reason to end your marriage in the state of California. Whether your spouse had a long-term affair, abandoned you, or simply chose to terminate your marriage is irrelevant to the court. The court’s primary concern is the children of your marriage, if you have them; if you don’t, the court is only interested in overseeing a fair, equitable split that allows both parties to move forward separately.
Do You Need to Talk to a Family Law Attorney in Stockton?
If you’re contemplating divorce, or if your spouse has already filed for a divorce and you need an experienced, knowledgeable attorney in your corner, call us at 209-910-9865 right away. You can speak with a Stockton divorce lawyer who understands what you’re going through—and who’s willing to be your voice in the court system.
