Tag: <span>Thanksgiving</span>

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents Divorce

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents

  • November 6, 2019August 13, 2020
  • by Angie

Thanksgiving is right around the corner – and if you’re going through a divorce, or if you’re recently divorced and this is your first Thanksgiving day without your spouse (and possibly without your kids), here’s what you can do to get through it.

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents

For most people, Thanksgiving is a family-centered holiday. That means during or after divorce, you have some coping to do – it’s going to be different this year than it has been in years past. Unfortunately, while only time can really make it easier, there are a few things you can do to cope with the new reality of the holiday season.

Related: Collaborative divorce in California

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents - Dealing With NostalgiaThanksgiving for Divorced Parents: Dealing With Nostalgia

If you’re like many people, particularly those who are spending their first after-divorce Thanksgiving without a spouse and children, you’ll experience nostalgia – and that’s fine. However, be careful not to put all your focus on the way things were before; now is the time to make new traditions. Consider spending Thanksgiving with your own family or friends or doing some volunteer work. You might think about delivering bags of food and necessities to homeless people downtown, or maybe you’ll offer your services to a soup kitchen or other charity.

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents: Dealing With Your Ex

Perhaps you and your spouse have a flexible child custody agreement that allows you to share time with the kids on Thanksgiving, or maybe one of you will have them on the “big day” and the other will have them the following day. Sometimes parents agree to swap out holidays, where one parent has the children on even-numbered years and the other has them on odd-numbered years. No matter what your arrangement looks like, you still have to remember that you and your kids’ other parent are still parenting together – and you’ll want to avoid bad-mouthing your ex or talking about whether you agree with the arrangement in front of your children.

Related: How to set up a holiday visitation schedule for joint custody

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents - Dealing With Your Kids' FeelingsThanksgiving for Divorced Parents: Dealing With Your Kids’ Feelings

Your children might be upset about your divorce, and the holidays can make those feelings more intense. In some cases, kids aren’t happy about having to spend Thanksgiving with one parent while leaving the other behind – they may feel like you’ll be all alone. You should acknowledge your kids’ feelings; don’t minimize them. The key here is making your children feel like you understand where they’re coming from… but without getting caught in the trap of bad-mouthing your custody arrangement or their other parent.

Related: 7 tips for surviving the holidays during divorce

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents: Creating New Traditions

Thanksgiving is all about gratitude, which can be tough during or just after a divorce. However, you’re modeling for your children, which means you should still try to find things to be grateful for. Maybe you’re grateful for your close relationships with your children, your supportive relationships with friends and family, or your health. When you highlight genuine gratitude for your kids, you’re showing them positive coping strategies (and you’re giving yourself a reality check).

If you have your children this year – or even if you don’t – now is a great time to start your own traditions. (Check out these ideas!)

Thanksgiving for Divorced Parents - Friendsgiving and New TraditionsThanksgiving for Divorced Parents: Taking Care of Yourself

Take care of yourself. You’ll likely have other holidays without your children, which means you can start planning ahead for how you’ll spend that time. Maybe you want to relax on your own, binge-watching your favorite shows or a movie series (The Avengers series will take all day!), or perhaps you’d rather spend time with your friends by hosting a “Friendsgiving” dinner in your home.

We know the holidays can be stressful – especially if you’re in the middle of a divorce or you’ve just received your divorce decree. By using these coping tips, though, you can make it a little easier on yourself and your children, and you’ll be better prepared for next year.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

If you’re ending your marriage and need to talk to a divorce lawyer in Stockton, we can help. Call us at (209) 546-6870 to tell us what’s going on. We’ll evaluate your case and start building a strategy that gets you – and your family – the best possible outcome.

 

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce Divorce

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce

  • October 1, 2018January 17, 2019
  • by Angie

The holidays are right around the corner, and if you’re like most people going through divorce, you’re not exactly looking forward to them.

But you can still enjoy this holiday season – and these seven tips can help take away the dread, even if you’re right in the middle of your divorce.

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce

For many people, part of the dread of divorce comes from no longer sharing tradition with a former spouse; for others, it’s just added stress during an already-tough time. No matter which camp you fall into – or if you’re in both, or another entirely – these seven tips for surviving the holidays during divorce can help you through.

1. Make new family traditions.

Everything changes during divorce, whether or not you have children. But if you do have children, it’s important that you try to blend the family traditions of yesteryear in with your new traditions. Even if it’s something small – like watching a special movie on Thanksgiving morning or creating family handprints on Christmas Eve – it’s important to create something that you and your children can share in the coming years.

2. Ditch the guilt.

A lot of parents feel guilty about changing the holidays for the kids – but don’t become one of them. Different isn’t wrong; it’s just different. If your kids see you lamenting what’s changed and not enjoying the holidays, they’ll take that on themselves. However, when they see you embracing the new traditions and enjoying yourself just by being with them, they won’t be able to help enjoying themselves, too.

3. Try to cooperate with your ex.

You and your ex both have the same goal for your children: You want them to enjoy the holidays, the time off school, and time with family and friends. If you can, try to cooperate as much as you can. If you plan on spending time with extended family, make time for both – that way, your kids get to see all the grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and other family members they love, and they’ll get the most from every holiday. Maybe you’ll both spend time with the kids on Christmas, or you’ll alternate holidays; no matter what you decide, it’ll be the right thing as long as you both have your kids’ best interests in mind.

4. Don’t spend the holidays alone.

If you’re the ruminating type (and sometimes even if you’re not), one of the worst things you can do is spend the holidays alone. Don’t avoid your family and friends, especially during your first holidays during or after the divorce. Make plans with people you care about, whether or not you have children. You can invite family, friends and coworkers to your house or find a support group, or even better: You can volunteer at a homeless shelter, bring food to people who need it, or do something else to give back to the community. That way, you won’t be alone with your thoughts – and you’ll do some good for others, too.

5. Embrace what you love about the holidays.

Figure out what puts you in the mood to celebrate – Christmas music, decorating, planning menus – and dive into it with your whole heart. See what else you can do to squeeze all the enjoyment you can out of the holiday season!

7. Take one holiday at a time.

The holidays seem overwhelming in October, but realistically, they’re pretty spread out (other than Christmas and New Year’s Eve). Only think about one holiday at a time, even if it seems like a huge blur. Try not to multi-task; besides, if this is your first or second holiday during or after divorce, you’ll probably want to spread things out to occupy your time.

8. Keep the ghosts of holidays past where they belong: in the past.

Sure, we all reminisce during the holidays – but this year, avoid visiting places where you have holiday memories that involve your ex. Try to avoid getting sucked into your memories of what used to be and start making new memories for your even better future.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

If you’re contemplating divorce, you’re ready to file, or your ex has already filed, call us at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a lawyer who can help today. We’ll help you with every aspect of your divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division.

 

 

 

 

Anna Y. Maples Maples Family Law



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