Divorcing an addict is incredibly difficult. You may be struggling with guilt, confusion or even remorse after you make the decision to leave – but it’s your decision alone, and hopefully, you trust yourself enough to know that you made the right choice.
When you divorce an addict, you have to plan, prepare and muster your courage. It’s not an easy road, but in many cases, it’s an easier path to take than staying with an addict would be.
The ends of the addiction spectrum – functional and dysfunctional – are simply ways to measure how much harm the addict is doing to your family, other than just to him- or her-self.
Functional addicts can typically hold down a job, make a decent wage, and usually present themselves as normal, functioning members of society. Sometimes functional addicts binge-use drugs or alcohol, and often, they build up a tolerance so it’s tough to tell if they’re under the influence.
Dysfunctional addicts are generally the opposite of functional addicts. They may struggle to hold a job, have criminal records related to drugs or alcohol, or have a history of going to (and dropping out of) rehab programs. Some dysfunctional addicts are so caught up in drug or alcohol use that they’re at risk of dying every day; usually, their addiction is long-term. These addicts can be a danger to everyone around them, as well.
For most people who are divorcing an addict, talking to a lawyer is an essential first step. Your attorney can help you determine how to proceed with a divorce, and she can tell you what kind of evidence you’ll need to gather in order to keep your children safe when it comes to child custody.
Unfortunately, many people threaten divorce thinking that it will make their spouse “come around” and quit using drugs or alcohol. Usually, it doesn’t work. An alcoholic or drug addict is suffering from a disease, so his or her refusal to get help and turn things around isn’t an indicator of how much they love their spouse – it’s just the way addiction works.
You, like many people, may feel like you’re abandoning your spouse in his or her worst moments. But the reality is that there is only so much you can do – and you have to keep yourself and your children safe. You cannot force an addict to get help or get clean. However, you can protect your family by leaving a toxic situation. Remember, too, that kids learn how to behave from their parents – and you don’t want your children to learn these behaviors or be even more at-risk for addiction.
If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.
Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.
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