Divorce is an emotionally draining experience. However, in terms of the legal issues to be resolved, it is pretty straight forward. Family members, friends, and loved-ones, even though they may mean well, can ultimately cause you to approach the process in a manner that does not ultimately serve your needs. Here are five tips from Attorney Anna Y. Maples:
Tip 1 _ Be Reasonable: Far too often, emotional states get in the way of people making reasonable decisions during their divorce. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, and vengeance is the outcome all to often associated with Divorce. THIS WILL COST YOU.
If vengeance is the emotional state present, you will prolong your legal proceedings. Realize, the court does not care who cheated on who, or what dirty laundry you feel needs to be aired as a means to get one up on your case. The court must make a decision “in kind” as it relates to your property, and airing your dirty laundry in court will not effect the outcome of your divorce.
Remember, when approaching divorce, it is imperative to remove you emotions from the decision making process. It may even benefit you to work with a therapist @ The Stockton Therapy Network, who can assist you in managing the complex feelings associated with the loss of a relationship. While not a requirement, remember, the more you can make decisions from a rational perspective, the easier it will be to take on these five tips to assure divorce goes smoothly and you can begin your healing journey while, not after the divorce finalizes.
Tip 2 – Be Respectful: You chose to marry your significant other. At one time you had love for that individual, even though many hurtful events may have preceded your divorce. By maintaining respect, you open the doors for the healing process to begin. If you have children with one another, you will continue to work with one another throughout your children’s lives. Even though you may be separated, your children will still want their mother & father to attend graduations, weddings, birthdays, and funerals.
Tip 3 – Be Willing to Negotiate: In divorce, there is a lot of give and take. Identify what is imperative for you to have, and be willing to give up things for it. The act of divorce is a property negotiation, and when the court determines the division of assets, it will be in-kind. So if the family 3 carat diamond ring is imperative, be willing to give up an asset of equal value within the context of the divorce proceedings.
Tip 4 – This is NOT the End of Your Life: Your relationship died, and it will take time to heal. However, time WILL heal all wounds. If you approach divorce as being the end, you will prolong your grieving process. Expect to have a variety of emotions, including Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and eventually Acceptance. Even though you may feel all or most of them at various parts of your grieving process, in working through your emotions, you will become stronger, and ultimately get to know and love single self again. If needed, see a therapist. They can help you sort through your emotional state.
Tip 5 – If You Fulfilled the First Four, it Does Not Mean That Your Spouse Will: Take the higher road. Especially if you have children. They will know who acted like what within the context of your divorce. Remember, this is about your healing journey. The faster you can become indifferent about your spouse, the easier it will be to heal from the division process. This is about Your Healing Journey, Your Ability to Find Inner Peace, Get Back to Even, and ultimately develop the Self Love Needed to Move on With Your Life.