If you’re like many women, the thought of divorce has crossed your mind from time to time – and you’re still sitting on the fence about whether it’s the right choice for you, your children, and even your spouse. When you’re considering a split from your partner, you need specific divorce advice for women… that way, you can make the most informed decision possible.
Divorce Advice for Women: 15 Things Most People Won’t Tell You
Check out these 15 pieces of divorce advice for women while you’re evaluating your options:
Make sure you’re really ready for divorce.
Talk to a therapist.
Take your kids to a therapist.
Get all the information you can.
Set goals.
Shore up your support network.
Commit to putting your children first.
Get copies of all your financial documents.
Decide to negotiate with your spouse.
Keep your eye on the “big picture.”
Foster a good relationship between your kids and their other parent.
Look at divorce like a business transaction.
Don’t get divorce advice from Facebook.
Be prepared for other relationships to change.
Be kind to yourself.
Here’s a closer look at each piece of divorce advice.
#1. Make sure you’re really ready for divorce.
When you tell your spouse you want a divorce, and especially when you actually file for divorce, you’re crossing a line that you can’t usually go back over. It’s like a set of dominoes – and once you push the first one over, you’re committed.
#2. Talk to a therapist.
Even if you’ve been thinking about divorce for a long time, you’ll most likely experience grief over the loss of your relationship. It’s a good idea to talk to a divorce therapist who’s trained in helping people cope with difficult situations.
#3. Take your kids to a therapist.
Your kids are seeing your divorce from a different angle, and they’ll most likely benefit from talking to a therapist, too. You can all see the same therapist – together and in separate sessions – to keep your family on the same page. Of all the divorce advice for women available, this may be one of the most valuable pieces.
Don’t leave the outcome of your divorce up to chance. Set goals and make a plan to reach them. While there’s no way to predict how a judge will rule in any case, you need a roadmap to get where you want to be.
#6. Shore up your support network.
Friends and family are a vital support network during divorce. Just be prepared for the fact that some people feel like divorce is “contagious” or that they won’t know what to say to you… and let them know just being there is enough.
#7. Commit to putting your children first.
You may be hurt, angry, afraid and upset – but no matter what, if you have children, they must come first in your divorce. That means doing what’s best for them, even if it doesn’t feel like doing what’s best for you. It also means being honest with yourself about what’s best for them, such as spending enough time with their other parent. This isn’t just divorce advice for women, either; it goes for men, too.
Before you even file for divorce, make sure you have copies of all your financial statements (and access to them in the future), your mortgage information, and other important documents.
When you and your spouse are able to find common ground on all the important issues, your divorce will be less painful (financially and emotionally) than it would be if you fought over everything. Commit to trying to negotiate with each other so you can both be reasonably satisfied with the outcome.
Remember that divorce is a means to an end, and it won’t last forever – even if it feels like it. During your divorce, you’ll have to focus on what really matters: your children, your life post-divorce, and being reasonably satisfied with the outcome. Some of the best divorce advice for women we can give is to stay focused on the goal throughout the entire process.
#11. Foster a good relationship between your kids and their other parent.
Your main responsibility is to your children, and it’s up to you to make sure you’re doing your part to foster healthy parent-child relationships… and that goes for you and their other parent. Kids whose parents try to drive wedges in their relationships have a harder time recovering – and a harder time trusting – than children whose parents make sure they know they’re loved and cared for on both sides of the aisle.
#12. Look at divorce like a business transaction.
Divorce is the legal dissolution of your marriage contract, so try your best to treat it that way. You’ll be emotional – everyone is – but remember that it’s a transaction between you and your spouse. Don’t try to use the courts for emotional justice, because you won’t find it there (and it could even backfire horribly).
Avoid putting any of the details of your divorce on Facebook – even if you’re asking a private group for advice. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to your friends and family; you should absolutely do that. Just keep it off social media because it can come back to bite you later. (This isn’t just divorce advice for women. It goes for men, too.)
#14. Be prepared for other relationships to change.
When people find out that you’re divorcing, they might not know how to handle it – and you may even lose some friends you made as a couple. People often feel like they have to take sides, but that’s not always the case; in fact, some people, in an effort to avoid taking sides, will avoid being there for you or your spouse. A lot of people just don’t know what to say, or they’re afraid that divorce is somehow “contagious,” so you may experience uncomfortable distance between you and some of the people you trust.
#15. Be kind to yourself.
Divorce is rough – nobody can argue that. But remember: You don’t need to do everything perfectly. The house can get messy, you can cry, you can let the laundry go. Be kind to yourself and avoid beating yourself up over things. Remember, too, that you have to take care of your body by getting enough sleep, taking it easy on caffeine and alcohol, and getting enough exercise so your mind can be as sharp as possible when you’re making all these big decisions.
It seems like there’s no shortage of divorce advice for women (and there’s also plenty of divorce advice for men) – but a lot of it just isn’t practical and some of it is pretty tired and stereotypical.
That’s why we’re giving you real, practical divorce advice for women that you can use – and that doesn’t assume that because you’re the woman, you fit into stereotypical boxes.
Divorce Advice for Women You Can Actually Use
First things first: Choose your attorney wisely. Don’t pick a lawyer who doesn’t understand that your situation is unique or that you know what you want – and what you and your children need. In most cases, women find it more beneficial to work with a divorce and family law lawyer in Stockton who doesn’t also work on criminal law cases, personal injury and other types of cases. That’s because family law is complex, and lawyers who work on divorce, child custody and other family-related issues are able to keep up with changes in the law, know how the court system works and stay familiar with the nuances associated with a break-up.
Now, on to the divorce advice for women. These five tips will help you get the best possible outcome in your divorce.
#1: Figure out your living expenses now.
Your financial situation should be your top priority. If you’re struggling now, you want to find ways to prevent that in the future – and by making your financial situation your #1 priority right now, you’ll be better prepared once your divorce is over.
Do not give in on important issues like alimony (it’s called spousal support in the courtroom) just to get things over with, especially if you know you’ll need it. Your lawyer will help you get what you deserve.
#2: Plan for future expenses.
Your soon-to-be ex might be able to kick you off his health insurance plan, you might need to find a new place to live, or you may have to dig deep into savings for car repairs and other emergencies.
Now is the time to plan for them – and you can’t count on future alimony payments to keep you covered. In fact, although your ex can get in trouble for not paying spousal maintenance, there are plenty of men who skip out on payments or try to get them lowered later.
#3: Revenge sounds sweet, but it’s really not.
A lot of women try to use the court system to exact revenge on their soon-to-be exes, and it sounds great – but it’s far more likely to backfire on you than to work. Your attorney can talk to you about “getting back” at your ex and explain why the legal system isn’t the place for it… and any therapist can tell you that the best revenge you can get on your ex is to move on and be happy. (That’s another post for another day, though.)
Do You Need Help With Your Divorce?
We have plenty of divorce advice for women that’s much more case-specific, and we’ll be happy to share it with you.
