If you’re like many women, the thought of divorce has crossed your mind from time to time – and you’re still sitting on the fence about whether it’s the right choice for you, your children, and even your spouse. When you’re considering a split from your partner, you need specific divorce advice for women… that way, you can make the most informed decision possible.
Divorce Advice for Women: 15 Things Most People Won’t Tell You
Check out these 15 pieces of divorce advice for women while you’re evaluating your options:
Make sure you’re really ready for divorce.
Talk to a therapist.
Take your kids to a therapist.
Get all the information you can.
Set goals.
Shore up your support network.
Commit to putting your children first.
Get copies of all your financial documents.
Decide to negotiate with your spouse.
Keep your eye on the “big picture.”
Foster a good relationship between your kids and their other parent.
Look at divorce like a business transaction.
Don’t get divorce advice from Facebook.
Be prepared for other relationships to change.
Be kind to yourself.
Here’s a closer look at each piece of divorce advice.
#1. Make sure you’re really ready for divorce.
When you tell your spouse you want a divorce, and especially when you actually file for divorce, you’re crossing a line that you can’t usually go back over. It’s like a set of dominoes – and once you push the first one over, you’re committed.
#2. Talk to a therapist.
Even if you’ve been thinking about divorce for a long time, you’ll most likely experience grief over the loss of your relationship. It’s a good idea to talk to a divorce therapist who’s trained in helping people cope with difficult situations.
#3. Take your kids to a therapist.
Your kids are seeing your divorce from a different angle, and they’ll most likely benefit from talking to a therapist, too. You can all see the same therapist – together and in separate sessions – to keep your family on the same page. Of all the divorce advice for women available, this may be one of the most valuable pieces.
Don’t leave the outcome of your divorce up to chance. Set goals and make a plan to reach them. While there’s no way to predict how a judge will rule in any case, you need a roadmap to get where you want to be.
#6. Shore up your support network.
Friends and family are a vital support network during divorce. Just be prepared for the fact that some people feel like divorce is “contagious” or that they won’t know what to say to you… and let them know just being there is enough.
#7. Commit to putting your children first.
You may be hurt, angry, afraid and upset – but no matter what, if you have children, they must come first in your divorce. That means doing what’s best for them, even if it doesn’t feel like doing what’s best for you. It also means being honest with yourself about what’s best for them, such as spending enough time with their other parent. This isn’t just divorce advice for women, either; it goes for men, too.
Before you even file for divorce, make sure you have copies of all your financial statements (and access to them in the future), your mortgage information, and other important documents.
When you and your spouse are able to find common ground on all the important issues, your divorce will be less painful (financially and emotionally) than it would be if you fought over everything. Commit to trying to negotiate with each other so you can both be reasonably satisfied with the outcome.
Remember that divorce is a means to an end, and it won’t last forever – even if it feels like it. During your divorce, you’ll have to focus on what really matters: your children, your life post-divorce, and being reasonably satisfied with the outcome. Some of the best divorce advice for women we can give is to stay focused on the goal throughout the entire process.
#11. Foster a good relationship between your kids and their other parent.
Your main responsibility is to your children, and it’s up to you to make sure you’re doing your part to foster healthy parent-child relationships… and that goes for you and their other parent. Kids whose parents try to drive wedges in their relationships have a harder time recovering – and a harder time trusting – than children whose parents make sure they know they’re loved and cared for on both sides of the aisle.
#12. Look at divorce like a business transaction.
Divorce is the legal dissolution of your marriage contract, so try your best to treat it that way. You’ll be emotional – everyone is – but remember that it’s a transaction between you and your spouse. Don’t try to use the courts for emotional justice, because you won’t find it there (and it could even backfire horribly).
Avoid putting any of the details of your divorce on Facebook – even if you’re asking a private group for advice. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to your friends and family; you should absolutely do that. Just keep it off social media because it can come back to bite you later. (This isn’t just divorce advice for women. It goes for men, too.)
#14. Be prepared for other relationships to change.
When people find out that you’re divorcing, they might not know how to handle it – and you may even lose some friends you made as a couple. People often feel like they have to take sides, but that’s not always the case; in fact, some people, in an effort to avoid taking sides, will avoid being there for you or your spouse. A lot of people just don’t know what to say, or they’re afraid that divorce is somehow “contagious,” so you may experience uncomfortable distance between you and some of the people you trust.
#15. Be kind to yourself.
Divorce is rough – nobody can argue that. But remember: You don’t need to do everything perfectly. The house can get messy, you can cry, you can let the laundry go. Be kind to yourself and avoid beating yourself up over things. Remember, too, that you have to take care of your body by getting enough sleep, taking it easy on caffeine and alcohol, and getting enough exercise so your mind can be as sharp as possible when you’re making all these big decisions.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s facing divorce, you probably have a lot of questions. While most of them can be solved during a consultation with a Stockton divorce attorney, here’s a quick peek at a little divorce advice for stay-at-home moms.
Divorce Advice for Stay-at-Home Moms
Being a stay-at-home mom is wonderful – but it can be incredibly scary when you choose to (or when your spouse files for) divorce. When you don’t have your own source of income, or when you’re not sure what the job market holds for you, it can all seem overwhelming. However, you can follow these five tips to help make things easier on yourself:
Gather financial documents.
Find out what your assets are worth.
Get familiar with your credit score.
Plan to return to work.
Think about asking for alimony.
Let’s take a closer look at each of these so you can be as prepared as possible.
#1. Gather financial documents.
Pull together all the financial documents you have. One of the best pieces of divorce advice for stay-at-home moms is to keep records of everything – including things like:
Pay stubs
Loan and mortgage documents
Insurance policies
Bank statements
Investment account statements
W2s from previous years
Tax returns from previous years
When you have as many financial documents as you can get, keep them all organized in a folder. Later, if you choose to ask the court for alimony, you may need to provide proof of your family’s income – and your spouse may not be as truthful as you will.
Maybe you want to continue living in your marital home after the divorce. That’s fine, but no matter what you intend to do, you need to find out how much it’s worth. That’s because divorce is financially tough on many couples – and you may not be able to keep it. It’s often a good idea to get the house appraised before your divorce so you know how much it’ll be worth if you have to sell it, and so you can prepare to divide the cash or come up with the remainder of what you owe.
If you have other assets, you should also find out what they’re worth.
Use a site like CreditKarma to keep up with your credit score. You may need to apply for credit during or after your divorce, and the better your score is, the more likely you are to get favorable rates and terms. If there are things you need to fix on your credit report, now is the time to do it.
#4. Plan to return to work.
Another great piece of divorce advice for stay-at-home moms is to start planning to return to work. While a judge may award you alimony (commonly called spousal support), it’s not likely to last forever – and even if it would last forever, it may not be enough to support yourself in the lifestyle you want. A lot of stay-at-home moms end up going back to work during or after divorce, and you may be one of them. Brush up your resume and start looking at jobs that are available – and remember, even if they’re outside your field, they’re still worth considering when you really need to work.
#5. Think about asking for alimony.
You don’t have to ask the court for alimony, but your Stockton divorce attorney might suggest that you do. If the judge sees that you’ve been out of the workforce for a significant amount of time, and that you’re unlikely to be able to return to work right away because you need to get current on your skills, he or she may order your spouse to pay alimony. There are never any guarantees on how a judge will rule, but if you can show a need, the judge in your case may agree that you need – and deserve – spousal support.
If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. We’ll give you more specific divorce advice for stay-at-home moms, plus case-specific advice that helps you in your unique situation.
If you’re like most people going through divorce, you have a lot of company at work – and you know that people like to have water-cooler chats about each other fairly frequently. When you’re the person who’s going through a divorce, you’re going to be a hot topic at work. Here’s how to deal with your co-workers during divorce so you can maintain your sanity (and keep your job).
How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce
First things first: You should always keep the details of your divorce to yourself, especially at work. Even if your spouse doesn’t know any of the people you work with (which is a great reason to keep quiet in itself), you don’t want to cause yourself any grief now or in the future. Avoid talking about your divorce at work, and if possible, avoid telling many people – keep your personal business confined to your “circle of trust.”
With that said, once your co-workers find out you’re divorcing, you’re likely to be the subject of at least a few conversations… and some people may even approach you and ask you about it directly. Here’s what you can do:
Be open and honest
Maintain a good group dynamic
Keep your family separate from your work
Let’s take a closer look at each of these so you can save yourself a big headache later.
#1. How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce: Be open and honest.
If people ask you direct questions, it’s okay to be open and honest about what you’re dealing with. However, always avoid:
Bad-mouthing your spouse
Complaining about the process
Discussing what you view as unfair about your divorce
Sharing grisly details with your co-workers
Treat your own situation like you’d treat another person’s major life transition: Keep details to a minimum, but provide truthful answers when you can. (If someone asks you if you’re divorcing because your spouse cheated on you or otherwise gets too personal, politely tell them that you don’t want to discuss the details and you’d appreciate if they’d respect your boundaries. Try to be polite, anyway – we know how it is.)
#2. How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce: Maintain a good group dynamic.
Every workplace has some kind of group dynamic. You and your co-workers interact every day, so remain committed to your job… even when it’s incredibly tough to focus on your work, you have to miss time because you have to appear in court or meet with your attorney, or you don’t have a sitter for your kids.
There are two reasons you absolutely must do this. One is that when you show everyone you’re still operating normally, and that your current situation isn’t impacting your job performance, people will lose interest in your personal life. The second reason is that even though many employers will realize you’re going through a tough time and provide you with certain accommodations, it’s important to show that you can still perform under pressure – and you’ll be able to keep your job.
If gossip spins out of control, or if you’re experiencing some kind of harassment due to your divorce, you absolutely must talk to a supervisor or your company’s Human Resources department to nip the problem in the bud.
#3. How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce: Keep your family separate from your work.
Don’t involve your children with people from work until you’ve gotten everything straightened out with their other parent. Naturally, if you have work friends that you see outside work regularly, you should still spend time together – but don’t bring your kids to work functions or worse, take them to work with you when people are still apt to talk about your personal life. You may be unpleasantly surprised at what they’ll hear.
Are You Considering Divorce?
If you’d like to discuss your options and learn about how divorce might be one of them, call us at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a lawyer who can help today. We’ll help you with every question you have about divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division.
When it comes to divorce advice, it seems like everyone has some to offer – but sometimes, even when people have the best intentions, it’s just not good advice.
Although your friends and family want only the best for you, it’s important to remember that during divorce, the only legal advice you should listen to comes from your Stockton divorce lawyer. Your attorney is familiar with California divorce laws and how they pertain to your case… and how the legal system works when two parties dissolve a marriage.
Mental health advice from friends and family can be tremendously helpful, though, as long as you take it with a grain of salt. If you feel like you need more help than your support network can provide, there’s nothing wrong with finding a counselor or therapist who specializes in divorce. For many people, advice from experts in psychology is the best kind they’ll ever get – and sometimes that advice stays relevant long after your divorce is final.
Divorce Advice From Psychology Experts: 3 Tips to Help You Through This Difficult Time
Every divorce is different, and what works for one person may have the opposite effect for another. However, these three pieces of divorce advice generally apply across the board.
#1: Get Divorce Advice From Someone Who’s Qualified to Give It
“Individual counseling, psychotherapy, and life-coaching can help you achieve optimal life balance, finding new and effective ways to deal with the effects stress causes on your life,” says Dr. Tom Maples of the Stockton Therapy Network.
Stress has many side effects, and it’s been linked to depression, heart attacks, and a multitude of other health conditions. It’s in your best interest to find new ways to cope with the stress of divorce – and there’s nothing wrong with reaching out for professional help when you need it.
#2: Understand That Emotional Divorce is a Process
Even after the judge signs your divorce decree, ending the legal process, you may still be in the throes of an emotional divorce.
“An emotional divorce is best viewed as a process that occurs minimally over several years and maximally over the course of a lifetime. Typically, the divorce process begins several years before the actual date of separation, when one of the spouses begins to experience a predictable set of feelings, which may include disillusionment, dissatisfaction, anxiety, and alienation,” says Donald T. Saposnek, Ph.D.
Once your divorce is over, you’re in a stage that involves finding your equilibrium again – but you can’t rush it.
“Of course, the feelings during this stage are not always positive. Even if the divorce is successful, negative feelings may still surface from time to time,” says Saposnek.
The key is to let yourself experience the negative feelings and process them so you can move on. Eventually, you’ll rebound completely… but it takes time.
#3: Try Not to Think of Divorce As a Battle You Can “Win”
According to the American Psychological Association, divorce mediation may be the best choice you could make.
“Try not to think of the breakup as a battle. Divorce mediation is often a good alternative to courtroom proceedings. Trying to work things out yourself can be frustrating and self-defeating as the problems that contributed to your divorce are likely to re-emerge during divorce negotiations. Research shows that mediation can be beneficial for emotional satisfaction, spousal relationships and children’s needs,” says the APA’s website.
Do You Need Divorce Advice From a Stockton Family Law Attorney?
If you need legal advice, there’s no substitute for working directly with a divorce attorney.
We can help.
Call us at 209-910-9865 to discuss child custody, child support, spousal support, or anything else related to your divorce. We’ll be able to evaluate your situation and develop a strategy that gets you (and your family) the best possible outcome.
