In California, all custody decisions are made according to a child’s best interest. This includes being able to have a loving, healthy relationship with both of their parents, whenever possible. However, these relationships can’t blossom without quality time.
That’s why when parents don’t live together, the court will often issue a visitation order. These edicts ensure that the rights of both parents are being upheld, and that each has the chance to foster a meaningful relationship with their child.
California courts don’t make these orders lightly, and failure to uphold them can trigger serious legal consequences.
If your child’s other parent isn’t cooperating with your custody arrangements, here’s what you need to know about enforcing a visitation order in California, and how the Maples team can help protect your rights and your child’s best interests.
What is a Visitation Order?
Visitation orders dictate how a child’s time will be spent, including where the child will live, and how they will spend holidays. They are a key part of upholding parental rights—in particular, a parent’s right to have access to their child.
In terms of child custody, this access is often referred to as “physical custody.”
Both parents have the right to physical custody with their child. However, if they aren’t living under the same roof, this time must be shared. To this end, California courts will assign one parent to be the custodial parent (or, primary residence parent), while granting the other ample parenting time in the form of visitation.
Visitation orders are generally just one component of child custody. Along with visitation, your child custody orders will also address legal custody, and outline child support.
How to Enforce a Visitation Order When My Ex Has Primary Custody?
It’s hard being a non-custodial parent. You don’t get enough time with your child as it is, and when your ex stops complying with visitation, this puts you in a tough spot. Because now you have to decide if the stress of enforcing visitation is worth the strain on your already limited time together.
If this situation sounds familiar, start by asking yourself these four questions:
Is my order enforceable?
Does my order need to be updated?
Have we tried making things easier?
Is contempt really worth it?
Here’s a closer look.
1. Enforceability
Visitation orders are kind of like personalized laws made just for you. These edicts are backed by the full weight of the law, and breaking them warrants the same legal consequences as breaking any other law.
That being said, the police can’t enforce a law that’s too vague.
Before jumping through legal hoops, make sure that the terms of your visitation order are clear. In some cases, headaches can be cleared up by shoring up details like specific dates and times—something you may be able to coordinate together, without the court.
2. Updates
If your visitation order is sufficiently clear, then maybe the problem is that your order is dated.
As all parents know, a child’s needs change just about as fast as they grow. Hence, a visitation arrangement that worked well for your family five years ago might not be the best fit here, in the present. Indeed, some agencies won’t even help enforce orders that are too old.
If your order is no longer a good fit, then it might be time to consider a custody modification.
3. Alternatives
You don’t need to go back to court to resolve everything. Before drafting up a motion, try talking to your ex to see if there are tweaks you can make. Sometimes a simple change in drop-off location or an alternative pick up time is all it takes to keep things running smoothly.
If it helps, there are even exchange agencies, which can help supervise the transfer of children between parents. These professionals can be really helpful at both keeping parents honest, and tracking violations. And while they do charge a fee, it’s definitely cheaper than the cost of an attorney.
4. Contempt
If all else fails, the last step you should consider is contempt of court.
Contempt is a criminal action, which can be taken against someone who intentionally and willfully violates a court order. This is a serious charge, and one that comes with a very high burden of proof, meaning they’re tough to litigate—especially for visitation violations.
In terms of custody agreements, contempt is most often used as a means to enforce child support.
If you are thinking about pursuing contempt, it’s a good idea to consult your family law attorney, first. In many cases, the potential benefits aren’t worth the effort of pursuing in terms of visitation.
Visitation Order Modification
Judges don’t want to see you back right after delivering your original visitation order. However, under the right circumstances they are willing to consider a custody order modification.
Some of these circumstances might include:
A repeated, long standing pattern of custody order violations.
The child’s education needs have changed.
The custodial parent’s home environment has changed.
The child is being subjected to harm under the current order.
One parent is no longer fit to carry out parental responsibilities.
As always, California parents are free to draft their own parenting plan—and modifications. This can be done between the individual parents, or in a more structured environment, such as mediation.
Remember, however, that the changes will not be enforceable until they are approved by a judge—even if both of you agree. Until then, be sure to follow your original order, or else you could risk being held in contempt.
Enforcing a Visitation Order in California
Failure to comply with visitation isn’t just a violation of your parental rights. It’s also an affront to your child, who is being robbed of the opportunity to foster a loving, healthy relationship with their other parent.
That’s why if you have more questions about enforcing a visitation order in California, we want to hear from you. Call the Maples Family Law team at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let us help ensure your child’s best interests are being met.
In the beginning, you weren’t thinking about the end. Beyond the blur of wedding bells, rings, and gifts, the future was bright; full of hope and possibility. Sure, the details weren’t filled in, yet, but the important parts were: the picture of both of you, together, taking on the world.
Now you’re sitting here staring at the ruins of your relationship, wondering what went wrong, and what you’re even supposed to do to prepare for divorce.
The good news is, that—while dealing with divorce might feel impossible in the moment—the future is still bright. Beyond this dark tunnel, the rest of your life waits, and the Maples Family Law team is here to help you get there.
Start Your Divorce: First Steps
Divorce is stressful, there’s no doubt, but it is manageable. And before you allow yourself to get too overwhelmed, take a step back to relax, breathe deep, and keep reading for five simple steps you can take to start your divorce in California.
Regardless what type of divorce you decide to try, all of them are going to need the same personal information from you. So, while you’re deciding which attorney to hire, or whether or not legal separation is the preferable alternative, simplify your divorce, by gathering the needed documents right now.
The names and birthdays of any children you share.
As part of your split, the court will be dividing all marital property between the two of you. Hence, if there’s anything that belongs to you as separate property, you should also make sure you have the necessary proof to support your claims.
Keep in mind that—in addition to being illegal—it’s also extremely difficult to hide assets during divorce. Courts don’t look kindly on this, so it’s best not to try.
3. File a Petition
A divorce doesn’t officially kick off until you file a petition. This document essentially notifies the court of your intent to break your marriage contract, and requests they submit a final ruling.
You or your attorney will need to pick up the divorce petition form at your local courthouse. To fill it out, you will need a lot of the information you gathered in the previous step. Once complete, your or your attorney can return it (and all supporting documents) to your clerk.
Once you’ve filed your petition, the next step is to notify your spouse that you’ve initiated a divorce. While you might be tempted to just send a simple text, California law requiresproper service. This involves having an outside party hand-deliver divorce papers.
After receiving papers, your spouse will have thirty days to respond to your petition, giving you a short respite. However, even if they respond sooner, you still won’t be able to get a quick divorce.
5. Prepare to Wait
You and your spouse might be certain about your split, but California courts need a little more convincing.
Humans beings are emotional, rash creatures, and we aren’t always at our best in the heat of an argument. Because of that, all divorcing couples must endure a mandatory, six-month waiting period, before the court will hear their case.
Try not to think of this as a punishment, but as a way to be absolutely sure that divorce is right for you. You can also utilize the time to engage in any discovery needed for your hearing, and to help the rest of your family prepare for the upcoming changes.
Start Your Divorce: Helping a Child Cope
Of course, knowing the technical steps of how to start your divorce is one thing, but dealing with emotions is an entirely different matter. Especially when it comes to parents and young children.
At Maples Family Law, we understand the concerns parents face—how you worry about custody, child support, and the negative impact a hypothetical divorce might have on your child. You carry the heavy burden of trying not to project your emotions onto your child, all the while it feels like a bomb just went off inside your chest.
It’s no wonder you’re stressed.
However, when it comes to your kids, it’s probably not as bad as you might think. Here are a few things for worried parents to keep in mind, when starting a divorce.
Your Child’s Interests Are Guiding the Decisions
The state of California is worried about your family, too, and easing the impact of divorce on your child is one of their top priorities.
When making decisions that affect minors, your judge will put the best interest of your child above all other considerations.
The Right Team Matters
There is no “I” in “Team,” and when it comes to divorce, it can be hard to see the playing field without the right perspective. This is why hiring the right child custody attorney is so important.
Reach a dynamic parenting plan that meets your family’s unique needs; and,
Develop an effective co-parenting strategy, that will help your child adjust your family’s new normal as smoothly as possible.
Help is Available
Children are amazingly resilient. Most of the time they bounce back from these emotional heartbreaks much better than even the adults do.
That being said, it doesn’t hurt to give them an outlet to work through emotions, or let them talk to atherapist. Extra help is always available, and you don’t have to do this alone.
Divorce Attorneys in California
For more questions about how to start your divorce, call the team at Maples Family Law at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online. While divorce might be an end, it’s also a beginning—the start of the rest of your life—and it’s one we want to help you reach.
With so many different types of plans and variables at play, dividing retirement assets in a divorce can be complicated. Especially if they existed both before and during a marriage, dashing any hopes of a clear property classification. However, considering their sizable worth, retirement accounts are one aspect of property division you don’t want to get wrong.
Fortunately, a good Stockton divorce attorney can help you get the job done without too much hassle.
Identifying Retirement Assets in a Divorce: Community or Separate Property?
When splitting a retirement plan, the first step is to identify what kind of property the account is. Like all other assets acquired by a couple during marriage, retirement funds are subject to property classification and division under California’s community property laws. Under these rules, assets are categorized as either “community” (property that belongs to both spouses equally), or “separate” (property that belong to one spouse, individually).
To classify the contents of a retirement account, timing is key. If either spouse contributed to the account while married, it is most likely community property (unless specifically addressed in a valid prenuptial agreement.) On the other hand, if the account was created before marriage—and was not added to during that time—it’s most likely separate property, and belongs solely to the participant spouse (the party who earned the benefit).
Most of the time, however, property isn’t as clear cut as “before” and “after” marriage. And when the ‘what’s mine is yours’ mentality results in blending separate and community property together, retirement division can get a little more complicated.
Dividing Retirement Assets in a Divorce
If the retirement account is classified as community property, a judge will split ownership based on the length of time the couple was married, and how this occurs will vary by circumstance. In some cases, both spouses agree to keep their own pensions and retirement accounts without taking any part of the other spouse’s. However, when one spouse doesn’t have a retirement account – or when one has a much smaller retirement asset than the other does – a judge will order the couple to split these funds another way. There are two common ways this can be accomplished.
The first, is to suspend all retirement payouts until the participating spouse actually retires. Once retirement finally rolls around, each spouse will get their share of the retirement payout for the time married. The second method, is to allow the participating spouse to keep all benefits of the retirement plan, and to offset this inequality by awarding the non-participating spouse a greater portion of community assets.
Obviously, each method of distribution comes with its own pros, cons, and risks. When assessing how to make this split, couples are always free to reach their own agreement, rather than fighting in court. One way to do this, is through mediation.
Divorce Mediation
Mediation is a non-binding negotiation process, where couples meet with a neutral third party, and try to come to an agreement on their own. This method of dispute resolution is far simpler and more cost-effective than litigation. It also gives individuals greater flexibility in determining the outcome of their own divorce terms, including the division of any retirement plans. For these reasons, a good attorney will always suggest that you try mediation before going to court.
Retirement Payout After Divorce
Once an agreement has been reached—either through mediation, or by litigation—the actual payout process will depend on what type of retirement plan you have.
For example, when dealing with a military retirement account, the length of your marriage will determine whether the participant pays out the alternate payee, or if the money will come directly from the Defense Finance and Accounting Service.
In other cases, individuals must file a qualified domestic relations order, or QDRO. A QDRO is a special court order authorizing a non-participant individual to receive a payout from a retirement account. Once a QDRO is filed, payout usually takes between 60 and 90 days, depending on how long it takes the plan’s administrator to process the documents.
These types of details—such as how payout works and how long it takes to receive—will vary for each type of retirement account. Once your Stockton divorce attorney has all the facts of your case, they will be able to give you more specific guidance on what to expect from your retirement payout process.
Retirement Plans Covered by a Prenup
Now days, it’s common for divorcing couples in California to have prenuptial agreements. These pre-marital contracts can cover all kinds of things about property division during divorce. In your prenup, you and your spouse may have agreed to several things, including the rights and obligations you each have when it comes to property (even if it was acquired during your marriage).
If a retirement account was included in your prenuptial agreement, it’s a good idea to talk to your attorney about it. The prenup can’t be grossly unfair, and if it is, your Stockton divorce attorney can help argue that all or part of the agreement is invalid.
Divorce Attorneys in California
If you have questions about dividing retirement assets in a divorce, we’re here to help. Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with an experienced divorce and pension attorney. Together, we’ll answer your questions, and begin building a strategy that will get you the best possible outcome in your retirement plan division.
The motivations compelling couples to consider divorce are wide and varied. However, one common motivator, is when individuals feel trapped in a toxic relationship. The term “toxic relationship” was coined in 1995 by Dr. Lillian Glass, and in contrast to physical abuse, the hallmark of a toxic relationship is an emotionally unhealthy environment, where one or both of the parties are plagued by a persistent feeling of unhappiness.
In comparison, healthy partners listen to each other, communicating respectfully and often. These couples build and uplift one another, supporting each other’s goals, desires, and dreams. Habits which, in turn, cultivate and strengthens trust, leading them to a deep sense of understanding, satisfaction, and happiness that can’t be found anywhere else.
Of course, none of which is to imply happy couples don’t fight. Because let’s be honest: to be married is almost, by definition, to have a sparing buddy at the ready. It is completely normal for stable couples to experience periods of life marked with anxiety, stress, and anger. But this unrest is usually temporary. In contrast, a toxic marriage is a relationship where negativity is the norm. One in which individuals:
Don’t support each other;
Seek out conflict;
Undermine their partner;
Engage in unhealthy competition;
Disrespect their spouse;
Lack cohesive unity; or
Attempt to control one another.
In addition to these elements, things like physical abuse, and adultery, can, of course, contribute to an emotionally toxic environment. However, abusive relationships are generally seen as a situation where the perpetrator knows and is choosing to exact harm, whereas in a toxic relationship, on or both parties might not even be aware of what they’re doing.
This is what can make a toxic relationship so difficult to identify, especially since all toxic marriages present differently, and what’s toxic for you might not be so bad for your best friend or your mom. Below, are five signs that you’re in a toxic marriage – and if you recognize them, it may be time to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney. Not just for your own mental health, but also for the sake of any children you might have, who are looking up to you for an example of what kind of relationship they should aspire to.
5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Marriage
When trying to determine whether or not your relationship is toxic, here are five signs that can help you know whether it’s time to consider other options (such as divorce). They include:
Persistent unhappiness;
An inability to connect with your partner;
Consistent fault finding;
Fantasies about striking out on your own; and
Family or friends who are expressing concerns.
Persistent Unhappiness
If you’re always unhappy about your relationship, why are you still in it? Life should be better and happier with the person you’ve chosen to spend life with. If the joy you once felt in marriage has replaced by sadness, anger, anxiety, or resignation, it may be time to talk to an attorney about your options.
Inability to Connect with your Partner
Respectful communication is one of the biggest keys to any successful relationship—romantic or otherwise. And it’s okay for these conversations to occasionally fizzle out between partners, but when it becomes worrisome, is when it doesn’t improve, despite repeated efforts. Especially if you feel like your partner has “checked out,” of the relationship. When couples are unable to resolve differences, and talk though problems with each other, it’s often a signal that they’re on the road to divorce.
Constant Fault Finding
No one is perfect, and if you look close enough at anyone, you’ll find fault with them. But there’s a big difference between occasionally getting after your spouse for not taking out the trash, and when finding fault is a way of life in your relationship. If you and your spouse are overly critical of one another, and resort to personal attacks during every argument, it might be time to start thinking objectively about your future together.
Fantasies about Striking Out on you Own
It’s normal for an overworked parent to think about how much easier things would be without family ties binding them down, but if escaping into your fantasy life of solitude is the only way you can get through the day, it may be a sign there’s something really wrong in your relationship. If you’ve made serious plans to leave, you should talk to an attorney about your options before doing anything. It’s especially important not to move out of your marital home (or throw out your partner) without consulting a lawyer first, as these actions can trigger adverse consequences during a divorce trial.
Family or Friends Express Concerns
There’s an age-old metaphor, which says you can’t boil a frog by putting it in hot water. Instead, you start with a pot of tepid liquid, and slowly turn up the heat. We have no idea why anyone would want to boil a frog alive, but like our amphibious friends, individuals who are in a toxic marriage, are usually the last to figure it out. That’s because humans are amazingly adaptable. We become so accustomed to the harmful environment, we no longer notice what’s all around us, which is a bad place to be. If your friends and family begin expressing concerns, it’s a sign that you’ve normalized an unhealthy relationship.
Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer?
Often, even when individuals recognize their partnership isn’t healthy, they are still reluctant to initiate divorce, either because of time and cost, or worries about child custody and property division. Some even fear physical retribution from their spouse, and if this sounds like you, it’s important to note that there are many different types of divorce, including mediation, which can be quite cost effective. In addition, individuals can file for restraining orders at no cost, which is just one of many ways in which the State of California protects abuse victims.
If you’re thinking about getting a divorce, it’s a good idea to consult with an attorney and learn about your options. The team at Maples Family Law are here to answer any questions you might have about spousal support, child custody, and the division of property. We may also be able to refer you to a therapist focusing on divorce issues and toxic relationships.
Call us at (209) 546-6246 or contact us online to schedule an appointment. Let us help figure out a solution to your toxic relationship.
Child custody refers to a parent’s authority to care for their child, and, during divorce, a judge can assign these powers between spouses as joint custody, or to only one parent in sole custody.
The division of such rights can be quite complicated, and couples should not try to resolve these matters on their own. Instead, families should work with an attorney to make sure that both the child’s best interest are being met, and that they aren’t giving up any essential rights. However, that doesn’t mean it has to be a dogfight.
Most couples find that working together to find a child custody agreement makes the whole divorce a lot easier.
But what is custody, and how does it apply to you?
Here’s a little bit about how custody is handled in California, and why you and your spouse are likely to be awarded joint custody rights.
What is Joint Custody
When you become a parent (either biologically, or through adoption), you don an invisible mantle of rights and responsibilities which are inherent to the role. For children born inside the marriage, this parental authority is shared equally and used interchangeably between spouses. However, upon divorce, these powers will need to be distributed between partners, since some responsibilities simply can’t be shared if parents aren’t living under the same roof.
To this end, judges are free to divide parental rights in one of two ways:
Joint Custody—powers are shared between spouses, either unequally or equally; or,
Sole Custody—when authority is given to one parent, alone.
Hence, “joint custody” refers to any situation where the judge orders parents to share parental authority, instead of assigning powers to just one spouse.
Legal and Physical Custody
In California, these custodial powers are broken down into two groups: legal and physical custody.
Legal custody refers to a parent’s right to make decisions on behalf of their child. This includes being able to make major decisions on things like health and education. It also encompasses a parent’s right to sign documents, have access to records, and the right to be able to decide what religious and cultural norms the child is exposed to.
Physical custody, on the other hand, is about where a child spends their physical time. This refers to both where the child will live, as well as visitation (which may or may not be included, depending on how your judge divides physical custody in your parenting plan).
Both of these custodial power groups (legal and physical) can be shared, jointly, or held by one parent in sole custody.
Joint Legal Custody
If you and your partner are awarded joint legal custody, this means that you share the right to make choices about your child’s health, welfare, and education. In these situations, both of you must pass off on all major decisions that require parental authority (such as surgery), and you are each granted equal access to records and information.
As a general rule, courts are loath to take away a parent’s right to choose how their child is raised. And since legal authority doesn’t necessarily require parents to live under the same roof, parents end up sharing legal custody as joint partners in the majority of California divorce cases.
Why a Judge Wouldn’t Award Joint Legal Custody
It doesn’t happen often, but in rare cases, one parent is awarded sole legal custody. This usually only happens in extreme circumstances, though, such as when:
It’s in the child’s best interest for one parent to have exclusive rights and responsibilities;
The parents have proven they cannot make decisions together;
One parent is unfit; or,
One parent is incapable of making decisions.
As you can see, most of these situations revolve around harm, which means that—short of something more serious, such as neglect, domestic violence, or criminal activity—your pleas for sole legal custody probably won’t be awarded.
In short, being a bad spouse doesn’t mean someone is a bad parent, and the only time courts do not grant joint legal custody is if doing so would hurt the child, somehow.
Joint Physical Custody
When parents share joint physical custody, this means they both have the right to have the child physically present in their homes for significant periods of time. Unlike legal custody, however, physical custodial powers have to be divided (rather than shared), since a child cannot be in two places at once. The split doesn’t have to be 50-50, though.
While it is (technically) possible for joint custody to be split 50-50, because of outside influences like work, school, extracurricular activities, and childcare arrangements, dividing a child’s time exactly equally between parents is almost impossible.
Instead, it’s much more common for the court to assign one parent to be the “custodial parent” (or rather, the child’s “primary residence parent”), while the other (the “non-custodial parent”) receives ample visitation.
Examples of Joint Custody Division
Custody and visitation can be divided any number of ways. One of the most common plans is for parents to alternate weeks, starting on a certain day. Monday is a common choice for these families (since it’s practical for school and work reasons), and in this situation, your joint custody agreement could look like this:
Mom
Dad
Week 1: Monday – Sunday
✓
Week 2: Monday – Sunday
✓
Week 3: Monday – Sunday
✓
Week 4: Monday – Sunday
✓
Other families might prefer to break up this “alternating week” cycle, and include a midweek visit. That way, kids and parents don’t have to go a full week without seeing each other.
If that was the case in your situation, your custody schedule might look like this:
Mom
Dad
Week 1: Sunday – Tuesday
✓
Week 1: Wednesday
✓
Week 1: Thursday – Saturday
✓
Week 2: Sunday – Tuesday
✓
Week 2: Wednesday
✓
Week 2: Thursday – Saturday
✓
Week 3: Sunday – Tuesday
✓
Week 3: Wednesday
✓
Week 3: Thursday – Saturday
✓
Week 4: Sunday – Tuesday
✓
Week 4: Wednesday
✓
Week 4: Thursday – Saturday
✓
There are also visitation schedules that combine every other week with every other weekend, prolonging the visit for an extra weekend each cycle. This arrangement is common during the summer, for parties who live more than twenty-five miles away from each other.
Other plans might include:
Three days on, four days off;
Alternating three days on, four days off;
Two weekends a month;
Alternate weekends plus two weeks during summer;
Every other holiday; or even,
All time when the child isn’t in school.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. The number of combinations and options available to couples are extensive, and ultimately, the type of joint custody agreement you and your ex-spouse work out will be up to you. After all, only you know what’s best for your family.
Couples who are interested in having more flexibility in drafting this arrangement, however, should try to avoid divorce litigation. Instead, consider an alternative method of dispute resolution, such as mediation or collaborative divorce.
Your Stockton family law attorney can help you figure out what parenting time agreement will work best for your unique situation.
Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Child Custody?
Call us at (209) 989-4425 for a divorce case review with an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer, one who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.
For those who aren’t familiar with divorce, it can be surprising to get there and learn that there are actually a lot of options when it comes to calling a marriage quits. From the homemade, “do-it-yourself” divorce contracts, to uncontested, collaborative, and all the way to mediation, when it comes to divorce, couples actually have a wide variety of choices, aside from just going to court with judge and gavel. And of these different avenues, mediation is a pretty attractive option for couples hoping to avoid a long, drawn-out legal battle. Both because it can save time and money, and also because it keeps people from having to do things all on their own, a good middle-ground for everyone involved.
If you and your partner are thinking about alternative divorce court options, but don’t want the headache of having to bushwhack your way blindly through a D.I.Y. process, mediation might be just the thing. Here’s what you need to know about divorce mediation in California, and how it could work for you.
Divorce Mediation in California
To kick things off, divorce mediation is a formal meeting (or series of meetings), where both sides sit down to hash out the terms of divorce, under the supervision of a specially trained moderator. This third-party individual acts as a kind of referee during the conversations, guiding the couple through all the decision-making points necessary for finalizing their divorce. These individuals are trained in the law, and some are even former lawyers themselves, making mediation a great way for couples to explore all their divorce options in a less confrontational setting.
If your relationship with your spouse has not eroded past being able to communicate and negotiate respectfully, there are several benefits to choosing mediation over divorce court.
1. Saves Time and Money
One of the obvious benefits to mediation is the amount of time and money saved. By not going to court, couples can finalize their divorce much quicker—sometimes with just one session, completely bypassing the court’s already-overloaded schedule. And of course, less time spent with attorneys means more money in your pocket, overall.
2. Greater Control Over the Outcome
With few exceptions, judges are almost always willing to sign an agreement when the individual parties have compromised on their own. This means couples who mediate can pretty much dictate the divorce agreement however they want, including the terms of hot topic items like custody, visitation, and property division. A system works, because both parties understand that if they demand something that isn’t fair, the other side can always take it to the judge to decide.
3. Helps Family Transition
Divorce is hard on everyone involved but can be especially damaging when children are involved. Mediation is great, in that it bypasses a lot of the toxic finger-pointing and senseless contention that often comes with a court-ordered divorce. Children who see their parents working through problems in a constructive way will feel more secure and have an easier time making the transition into the family’s new normal.
4. Flexible, Confidential, and Non-Binding
The nice thing about mediation is that the proceedings are both confidential and non-binding. Meaning, if you can’t reach an agreement, not only is that okay, but you also don’t have to worry about settlement offers being used against you in court.
5. Your Attorney Can Sit In
Agreeing to work with your spouse in mediation doesn’t mean you have to ditch your attorney, either. Attorneys are allowed and even encouraged to attend mediation with their clients, though, having one present is not technically required. That being said, it’s still a really good idea to bring along your trusty family law attorney, and here’s why.
Attorneys and Divorce Mediation
They’re really expensive, so if you’re not required to have an attorney at divorce mediation, then why in the world would you? Why not just pocket the extra cash, and take your chances in the ring on your own? Well, there are actually a lot of reasons, but here are the ones we think are most important:
1. Training and Experience
With their extensive education and on the job training, lawyers are almost always better at representing an individual’s legal interests than they are on their own. And this is true, even for mediation. While your mediator has passed all the certification requirements needed to hold the job, they’re not technically required to be an attorney. Some choose mediation because of their good negotiating skills, and not necessarily because they’re legal experts. Between law school, the bar, and the competitive nature of the legal industry, your attorney’s knowledge of the law likely surpasses not only yours, but the average mediator’s as well, making them a critical member of your team spirit.
2. Your Attorney Has Your Back
Here’s the thing, no matter how qualified your mediator is, their number one priority is to find a successful resolution to the conflict. It isn’t you. This means, occasionally, your best interests might get sacrificed on the altar of compromise—and sometimes that’s necessary, we aren’t arguing with that. However, with an attorney present, you have the peace of mind in knowing that whatever is being sacrificed really is in your best interest, and not just the mediator’s success rate.
3. Someone to Shield You
Attorneys also make excellent armor for couples who are struggling to play nice. Because while agreeing to mediation is a good first step, divorce is still emotional, no matter which way the cookie crumbles. If you’re worried about the conversations escalating into a fight, try having your attorney do the talking for you. They’ll be able to express your perspective in a diplomatic way that (hopefully) won’t ruffle feathers or push buttons the way only your spouse can.
Divorce Mediators in California
In the end, no matter if you choose mediation, or head straight on into a full-blown court battle, individuals are always free to represent themselves. However, there’s a reason why Miranda rights are required to be read at an arrest before anything can be used in court, and that’s because the average citizen often doesn’t even know what rights they’re entitled to, let alone how to argue for them. So, while hiring an attorney might seem expensive, not having one means you run a high risk of making a lot of mistakes against your own interest—some of which could be irreversible, and end up costing you a lot more in the long run.
If you or a loved one have more questions about divorce mediation in California, we may be able to help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation, and together we can help tailor a legal strategy that will best fit your unique circumstances.
Mediation can be a time and cost-saving method of resolving divorce disputes, but it can also be tricky, especially when children are involved. If you and your partner have children and are considering divorce mediation, here are ten tips for making your child custody mediation be as successful as possible.
1. Bring Your Schedules
First thing’s first, come to mediation prepared. This means having a handle on not only your schedule, but your child’s as well, including school dates, extracurricular activities, holidays, and any other information that might go into scheduling decisions. Knowing these dates in advance will make your time in mediation more productive, helping you arrive at a conclusion more swiftly and efficiently.
2. Have a Proposed Time-Share
As far as schedules are concerned, it’s not just your current calendar that’s important, but your future endeavors as well. That being said, it’s a good idea to come prepared with a proposed custody plan and visitation schedule already organized. It’s highly unlikely your plan will automatically be approved by your spouse, so be prepared to make changes. Even still, having at least a basic outline will give the mediator a good starting place from which to work.
There are many online tools and apps available to help you with this process, and with the combined aid of these resources—along with your trusty family law attorney—coming up with a plausible solution does not have to be overwhelming as it might sound.
3. Know Your Alternatives
A good plan always has a good backup. When constructing your timeshare schedule, think carefully about all the elements involved, and prioritize your requests accordingly. Know what you’re willing to give up, and what you’re not. Don’t budge on something if you’re truly not comfortable with it, but also be ready with alternative scenarios, in the event your first option gets shot down. Successful negotiations favor the prepared, and having a thoroughly vetted list of preferred alternates at the ready can go a long way toward helping you be happy with the eventual outcome.
4. Listen to Your Mediator’s Suggestions
Despite all your careful planning, the fact is, your mediator will have much more experience than you in dealing with these types of situations, and throughout the day, they will likely bring up ideas for you to consider. Ultimately, some of these suggestions might not end up working out for you. However, listening to them with an open mind can not only help broaden your perspective but also help you avoid common pitfalls of other couples who have come before you.
5. Communicate Firmly, but Respectfully
During mediation, it’s important to be clear about what you want, but try to keep your emotions in check, and to communicate respectfully. Some people find it helpful to view mediation as a business meeting. As most of us already know, in work situations, it doesn’t usually pay to treat people—even the rude ones—with disrespect. The same mentality applies here. Communicate your desires and concerns firmly, but with respect, even if you are being treated poorly. Experienced mediators can usually see through the antics, and know when a request is being made in good faith.
6. Be Willing to Compromise
All that about being firm aside, it’s important to recognize that the mark of a good compromise is when neither party leaves completely satisfied. In “mediation speak,” that means it’s pretty much guaranteed that you won’t leave with everything you want. And that’s okay. You’re in co-parenting territory now, where sharing is even more critical to success than it was during your marriage. Be honest about your own shortcomings, and enter the proceedings mentally prepared to make realistic compromises.
7. It’s About Them, Not You
During the divorce process, pride can often cloud good judgment, making it easy for parents to confuse their own desires with what’s best for their child. Try to leave your ego and personal needs at the door as much as possible. Instead, be honest about what your child needs, and focus on making every decision in their best interest—even if it means not getting what you want, personally. In the end, you and your spouse know your child better than anyone, and whatever agreement you can reach as loving parents is far more likely to meet your child’s individual needs than if a stranger has to make those decisions for you.
8. “Ours,” Not “Mine”
Listen. We know it’s hard not to take cheap shots at your spouse whenever possible, especially when you’re hurting. But it’s important to remember that your child is not just yours. That child belongs to both of you. And chances are, if your spouse is fighting you on custody, then they probably love that child as much as you do. During mediation, try not to be petty. Avoid referring to your child as “mine,” but rather “ours,” and do your best to empathize with your spouse. Doing so can help make it easier to accept decisions that will be mutually beneficial to the whole family, even if they wouldn’t be your first choice.
9. You Don’t Have to Agree
Sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, an agreement can’t be reached through mediation. And you know what? That’s okay. Take the pressure off yourself to agree. If you’re not comfortable with the proposed solution, it’s okay to let the court handle things. Even though a judge might not know your child as well as you, they do have the benefit of looking into the relationships with an unbiased perspective, and sometimes that might be exactly what your situation needs.
10. Avoid Social Media
Regardless of whether or not you come to an agreement during divorce mediation, resist the urge to talk about what happened on social media at all costs. Actually, this wisdom can be applied to the entire divorce process. Despite how secure you think your profiles are, they’re never ironclad. And the things people post on social media can—and often do—get used against them when courts make custody decisions. Err on the side of caution. Be classy. Take the high road. And avoid spilling these details into the internet void. In the end, you’ll be glad you did.
Divorce Mediation Attorneys in California
Even if your divorce is amicable, the process of splitting a joint life can be incredibly complicated. Especially when children are involved. If you or a loved one have questions about divorce mediation, and how to prepare for a child custody dispute, our California family law attorneys can help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation today. Together, we can help your divorce mediation run more smoothly, and ensure the best possible custody arrangement for your child.
If you’re like most people, you want your divorce to go as smoothly as possible. You’d like to minimize conflict and just make it through with your head above water – and that’s probably true whether you’re just starting to think about a split or you’re riding out California’s 6-month divorce waiting period. The good news: There are three ways you can simplify your divorce right now.
3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You File)
Check out these three ways you can simplify your divorce:
Get ready to cooperate.
Organize everything.
Start negotiating as early as possible.
Here’s a closer look at each.
#1. Get Ready to Cooperate
You don’t have to get along with your spouse. You don’t even have to spend time in the same room together or have lengthy discussions over the phone.
However, you do need to prepare yourself – and ask your spouse to prepare him- or herself – to cooperate with each other throughout the process.
Cooperating means working together to achieve an outcome you can both live with. It also means co-parenting your children so that they have as much stability and continuity as possible during (and after) your divorce.
If you and your spouse are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator. A mediator is an impartial third party whose sole job is to find common ground. You can mediate every issue in your divorce, from child custody to property division.
Sometimes it’s not possible to cooperate with your spouse, and that’s okay. Some people are naturally combative and won’t budge. If that’s the case, don’t worry. Your Stockton divorce lawyer can still do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.
Gather all your important documents and keep them together to simplify your divorce. You may need things like:
Tax returns
Children’s birth certificates
Social Security numbers
Insurance policies
Bank statements
Pay stubs
Credit card statements
Mortgage documents
Business-related documents
Pension or retirement account statements
Your attorney may need these types of documents throughout your divorce, so if you have everything organized, they’ll be easy to find when the time comes.
You don’t have to keep a paper file folder with this information in it. Instead, you can keep digital copies on your computer or in the cloud. Remember, though, when you have all your documents together, you should take steps to protect them. That might include putting them in a safe (if they’re physical copies) or putting them in a password-protected file on your computer.
You may not feel like negotiating with your spouse, but it’s very important that you try if you want to simplify your divorce. Before you head into negotiations with your spouse, decide what you’ll be okay with – and what you can give up to get what you want.
Commit to choosing your battles. You don’t have to fight for things you don’t want just for the sake of “winning.” A successful divorce is one in which you walk away reasonably satisfied with the outcome.
Incidentally, that’s how a lot of people – even those who don’t want to fight – view divorce. It’s not a win-or-lose battle. It’s the dissolution of a marriage in which both parties need to come away with some concessions. In fact, it’s a lot like a business transaction.
The bottom line is that it’s mentally healthier for you to keep your divorce as simple as possible. By extension, it’s better for your children, too. You’ll be less stressed and better equipped to make sound decisions that affect your future.
Are You Ready to Simplify Your Divorce?
If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. We want you to be able to simplify your divorce, and we’ll do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.
Call us at (209) 395-1605 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.
If you’re considering a split from your spouse, you probably want to know how long a divorce takes in California. The fastest you can get a divorce in California is 6 months – but some divorces take a lot longer. Here’s what you need to know.
How Long Does a Divorce Take in California?
California has a 6-month waiting period for all divorces. The waiting period begins when you serve your spouse with divorce papers. The waiting period is in place to ensure that you really want to go through with your divorce – it gives you time to change your mind before you end your marriage.
What Do You Do During the 6-Month Waiting Period for Divorce?
During the 6-month waiting period, you and your spouse can use that time to resolve issues you’re facing. You might work on things like child custody and visitation, property valuation and division, or other important issues.
If you and your spouse can’t see eye-to-eye and reach agreements on your own, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator.
About Mediation
Mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution. It isn’t for everyone – such as couples who have been involved in domestic violence incidents – but it can be very beneficial to many people. The time you spend in mediation will likely be just a fraction of the time you spend litigating in court, and it’s much more cost-effective than litigation, too. Mediation works quickly to help people find common ground.
Your mediator will meet with you and your spouse in a neutral space. You might be in separate rooms, depending on your preference and ability to negotiate, or you might be in the same room. Your mediator will provide you with ground rules that you both must agree to follow. Then, he or she will remind you that everything you say in mediation is confidential.
Once you’ve all established the ground rules, your mediator will start discussing the first issue. You each get a chance to have your say and explain a proposed solution – and then the negotiation begins. The mediator will be the go-between for you and your spouse until you reach an agreement that you’re both reasonably satisfied with.
What Happens at the End of the 6-Month Divorce Waiting Period?
If you and your spouse have reached an agreement by the time your 6-month waiting period is up, the judge in your case can issue a divorce decree.
However, if you haven’t reached an agreement, your attorney will let the court know that you need to have a trial to settle your divorce.
Bifurcated Divorce
Some people can get what’s called a bifurcated divorce, which means that the court will still terminate the marriage and let the now-former couple work out their issues after divorce. Some of the issues you can work on after a divorce is final might include:
A permanent custody and visitation agreement
The validity of a prenuptial agreement
Other important issues that you can discuss with your attorney
The courts sometimes allow bifurcated divorce because it makes more sense. For example, if there’s just one issue holding up the divorce process, your Stockton divorce attorney can file a motion to ask the court to dissolve your marriage before you hammer out the details.
Are There Any Shortcuts to a Fast Divorce in California?
There aren’t any shortcuts to a fast divorce in California. The best thing you can do is work out agreements with your spouse as early as possible so you don’t need to go to trial. If you need to go to trial, your divorce will take much longer. That’s because you have to wait to get on the court’s calendar and wait for the judge to make an evidence-based decision. (Even gathering evidence takes time, so if you and your spouse can’t agree on your own, your divorce could drag on for months. The most difficult cases can take years to resolve.)
Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How Long it Takes to Get a Divorce in California?
If your’e contemplating divorce, we can help you. We can even help you negotiate your way to a settlement, which means you may be able to divorce your spouse as soon as the 6-month waiting period is over.
Call us at 209-395-1605 for a consultation now. We’ll answer your questions and start building a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome.
How long does it take to get a divorce in California?
For most people, it takes at least 6 months to get a divorce in California. It can take longer, but usually, that depends on how the parties involved choose to resolve issues.
Anyone can get a divorce in California. You don’t need a reason (other than having “irreconcilable differences,” which means you and your spouse or domestic partner no longer get along), and you can even divorce if your spouse or domestic partner doesn’t want to. Under California law, nobody’s “at-fault” for the divorce – this is a no-fault divorce state.
The 6-Month Waiting Period for Divorce in California
You have to wait 6 months from the date that the person who filed notifies the other party before a court will grant your divorce. For example, if you file the paperwork on the 1st of the month and officially notify your spouse on the 5th of the month, you must wait 6 months from the 5th of the month because that’s the day you notified your spouse.
Use the table below to determine the earliest date the court can grant your divorce.
Notification Month
Earliest the Court Can Grant Your Divorce
January
July of this year
February
August of this year
March
September of this year
April
October of this year
May
November of this year
June
December of this year
July
January of next year
August
February of next year
September
March of next year
October
April of next year
November
May of next year
December
June of next year
Remember, though, that this table only shows you the earliest date the court can grant your divorce. If you and your spouse haven’t agreed on all the major issues by then, like child custody and property division, your divorce will take longer.
How Long Does it Take to Get a Divorce in California if Both Parties Agree?
If you and your spouse can reach agreements on your own, before you file or during the 6-month waiting period, the court should be able to grant your divorce as soon as the waiting period is over. Your attorney will work with you during the waiting period to get all your paperwork turned in to the court and get your divorce judgment approved (provided the judge in your case finds that it’s fair to everyone involved).
If you and your spouse don’t agree to the terms of your divorce before the 6-month waiting period is over, your case will hang in the balance until you do reach a settlement. Your attorney will help you negotiate with your spouse – and she may recommend that you use mediation as a way of settling your differences. In some cases, the courts actually order couples to go to mediation rather than fighting things out in court (which is time-consuming and expensive).
Mediation: The Basics
How long your divorce takes depends on whether you agree, and you may be able to speed things up through mediation. You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse will visit a mediator who will strive to get you on common ground within just a day (although sometimes it does take longer). Mediation isn’t for everyone, though, so talk to your attorney about your options if you don’t think it’s the right choice for you.
How Long Does it Take to Get a Divorce in California?
The least amount of time it can take to get a divorce in California is 6 months. Some cases take longer because the spouses can’t agree – but we may be able to help you. If you’re thinking about filing for divorce, or if your spouse has already filed and you need to react, call us at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with us online to schedule a consultation. You can also click “Let’s Start” below and fill out our contact form to get a call or an email back.
