For those who aren’t familiar with divorce, it can be surprising to get there and learn that there are actually a lot of options when it comes to calling a marriage quits. From the homemade, “do-it-yourself” divorce contracts, to uncontested, collaborative, and all the way to mediation, when it comes to divorce, couples actually have a wide variety of choices, aside from just going to court with judge and gavel. And of these different avenues, mediation is a pretty attractive option for couples hoping to avoid a long, drawn-out legal battle. Both because it can save time and money, and also because it keeps people from having to do things all on their own, a good middle-ground for everyone involved.
If you and your partner are thinking about alternative divorce court options, but don’t want the headache of having to bushwhack your way blindly through a D.I.Y. process, mediation might be just the thing. Here’s what you need to know about divorce mediation in California, and how it could work for you.
Divorce Mediation in California
To kick things off, divorce mediation is a formal meeting (or series of meetings), where both sides sit down to hash out the terms of divorce, under the supervision of a specially trained moderator. This third-party individual acts as a kind of referee during the conversations, guiding the couple through all the decision-making points necessary for finalizing their divorce. These individuals are trained in the law, and some are even former lawyers themselves, making mediation a great way for couples to explore all their divorce options in a less confrontational setting.
If your relationship with your spouse has not eroded past being able to communicate and negotiate respectfully, there are several benefits to choosing mediation over divorce court.
1. Saves Time and Money
One of the obvious benefits to mediation is the amount of time and money saved. By not going to court, couples can finalize their divorce much quicker—sometimes with just one session, completely bypassing the court’s already-overloaded schedule. And of course, less time spent with attorneys means more money in your pocket, overall.
2. Greater Control Over the Outcome
With few exceptions, judges are almost always willing to sign an agreement when the individual parties have compromised on their own. This means couples who mediate can pretty much dictate the divorce agreement however they want, including the terms of hot topic items like custody, visitation, and property division. A system works, because both parties understand that if they demand something that isn’t fair, the other side can always take it to the judge to decide.
3. Helps Family Transition
Divorce is hard on everyone involved but can be especially damaging when children are involved. Mediation is great, in that it bypasses a lot of the toxic finger-pointing and senseless contention that often comes with a court-ordered divorce. Children who see their parents working through problems in a constructive way will feel more secure and have an easier time making the transition into the family’s new normal.
4. Flexible, Confidential, and Non-Binding
The nice thing about mediation is that the proceedings are both confidential and non-binding. Meaning, if you can’t reach an agreement, not only is that okay, but you also don’t have to worry about settlement offers being used against you in court.
5. Your Attorney Can Sit In
Agreeing to work with your spouse in mediation doesn’t mean you have to ditch your attorney, either. Attorneys are allowed and even encouraged to attend mediation with their clients, though, having one present is not technically required. That being said, it’s still a really good idea to bring along your trusty family law attorney, and here’s why.
Attorneys and Divorce Mediation
They’re really expensive, so if you’re not required to have an attorney at divorce mediation, then why in the world would you? Why not just pocket the extra cash, and take your chances in the ring on your own? Well, there are actually a lot of reasons, but here are the ones we think are most important:
1. Training and Experience
With their extensive education and on the job training, lawyers are almost always better at representing an individual’s legal interests than they are on their own. And this is true, even for mediation. While your mediator has passed all the certification requirements needed to hold the job, they’re not technically required to be an attorney. Some choose mediation because of their good negotiating skills, and not necessarily because they’re legal experts. Between law school, the bar, and the competitive nature of the legal industry, your attorney’s knowledge of the law likely surpasses not only yours, but the average mediator’s as well, making them a critical member of your team spirit.
2. Your Attorney Has Your Back
Here’s the thing, no matter how qualified your mediator is, their number one priority is to find a successful resolution to the conflict. It isn’t you. This means, occasionally, your best interests might get sacrificed on the altar of compromise—and sometimes that’s necessary, we aren’t arguing with that. However, with an attorney present, you have the peace of mind in knowing that whatever is being sacrificed really is in your best interest, and not just the mediator’s success rate.
3. Someone to Shield You
Attorneys also make excellent armor for couples who are struggling to play nice. Because while agreeing to mediation is a good first step, divorce is still emotional, no matter which way the cookie crumbles. If you’re worried about the conversations escalating into a fight, try having your attorney do the talking for you. They’ll be able to express your perspective in a diplomatic way that (hopefully) won’t ruffle feathers or push buttons the way only your spouse can.
Divorce Mediators in California
In the end, no matter if you choose mediation, or head straight on into a full-blown court battle, individuals are always free to represent themselves. However, there’s a reason why Miranda rights are required to be read at an arrest before anything can be used in court, and that’s because the average citizen often doesn’t even know what rights they’re entitled to, let alone how to argue for them. So, while hiring an attorney might seem expensive, not having one means you run a high risk of making a lot of mistakes against your own interest—some of which could be irreversible, and end up costing you a lot more in the long run.
If you or a loved one have more questions about divorce mediation in California, we may be able to help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation, and together we can help tailor a legal strategy that will best fit your unique circumstances.
When you’re going through a divorce, it’s in your best interest to reach agreements with your spouse on important issues like child custody and property division – but if you can’t, your Stockton divorce lawyer will probably suggest that you work with a mediator.
A mediator can help you and your spouse reach fair agreements that you can both live with.
However, you can’t just assume that all mediators are the same – you’ll have to do some homework to find one that works in a style you’re comfortable with. That process starts when you begin calling local mediators (your attorney can refer you to one if you need a little push in the right direction) and asking questions.
Just like when you hire any other professional, you’ll have to ask the right questions to find out if you’ll be a good “fit” when you hire a mediator. Here are seven questions to ask:
There are several mediation styles, so it’s important that you find a professional who uses the one – or the combination – you’re most comfortable with. Some mediators let you hash it out on your own without giving much input, while others prefer to guide you through each issue and make plenty of suggestions.
#2. Can I meet with you privately?
Some mediators will meet with each spouse privately a few times before bringing everyone together, some prefer to keep you both in the same room all the time, and some keep spouses separate the entire time. If you’re not comfortable being in the same room with your spouse, you’ll need a mediator who understands that and is willing to keep you separate.
#3. Can my attorney come to our meetings?
Many people who use mediators to negotiate a settlement also work with their own attorneys. Your mediator should be supportive of your relationship with your lawyer, and should also welcome your lawyer to come with you to the settlement conference.
#4. What happens if my spouse is disrespectful?
You need to know how your mediator will handle the situation if your spouse becomes disrespectful – either of you and the mediator or of the mediation process in general. Most mediators require couples to sign written rules before beginning a conference that say they agree to the importance of mutual respect and promise to refrain from intimidating or threatening behaviors.
#5. What happens if my spouse is dishonest?
Many mediators include honesty as a clause in the initial agreement you’ll all sign before your settlement conference. If your spouse is dishonest about something, how will your mediator handle it? The answer to this question can be exceptionally important, especially if you already know your spouse has a tendency to be dishonest.
#6. How long will it take to complete mediation?
Everyone’s situation is different, but many mediations can be completed fairly quickly. In high-conflict divorces, mediation can take longer – but really, the timeframe should depend on how committed you and your spouse are to reaching resolutions your whole family can live with.
#7. How much will mediation cost?
Before you hire a mediator, find out how he or she bills and what your anticipated total cost will be. Every situation is different, and the longer your mediation takes, the more it’s likely to cost – but in the vast majority of cases, mediation is far more cost-effective than litigation.
Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer About Mediation in Your Case?
If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, you probably want to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney as soon as you can. Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule your consultation now.
If you’re like many people, you’ve heard of divorce mediation—but what is it, and would it be the right choice for you and your spouse?
What is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is a way for you and your spouse to come together and decide the outcome of your divorce. It includes hiring a mediator—a neutral third party to your case—whose only interest is helping you two find common ground.
The mediator will meet with you and your spouse to help you resolve issues you’ve been unable to resolve on your own. He or she won’t make the decisions for you (unlike the judge, who will make decisions for you if you can’t reach an agreement). Instead, your mediator will help you and your spouse determine the best possible outcome.
Why Some People Choose Mediation
When two spouses cannot agree on an issue—say, child custody—the judge will make a decision for them.
While judges do their best to be as fair and impartial as possible, the fact is that no judge knows your family the way that you and your spouse do. Your judge doesn’t know the special circumstances you have or whether you and your spouse are willing to compromise in some areas.
Unfortunately, when the judge decides an important issue like custody, one or both parties is likely to come away feeling as if they lost the fight.
However, people who participate in mediation work together to come up with a solution that’s best for the whole family—and studies have shown that mediation allows those people to come away feeling as if they (and, more importantly, their children) have won instead.
The Bottom Line on Mediation
Many people choose mediation because they really don’t want the judge to make important decisions for them, but at the same time, they’re unable to agree with each other.
Mediation is also less expensive than a court trial or a series of hearings is, and for the most part, most mediations end in a successful divorce where both parties are reasonably satisfied with the outcome.
How Does Divorce Mediation Work?
Mediation is confidential, and it relies on your (and your spouse’s) ideas to come up with resolutions to the issues you’re experiencing. Your lawyer will still be there to guide you and protect your rights, though, and you and your spouse are in complete control of the process.
Every mediator has his or her own approach, but generally, mediations follow similar processes. Your mediator will get background information from you and your spouse, and then you’ll both attend a meeting with the mediator. He or she will explain the “rules of the road” and tell you what you can expect from the process. You may also be asked to sign a form that says you promise to keep what’s said to yourself—and that you understand that the mediator won’t disclose the private details of your meetings in court later.
Do You Have to See Your Spouse for Mediation?
Sometimes you and your spouse will be negotiating across a table; sometimes the mediator will go back and forth between separate rooms to help you negotiate. You can always tell your mediator whether you’re comfortable being in the same room with your spouse (or if you’re not); the point is that your mediator wants to help you find common ground, and he or she will use the appropriate tactics to get you there.
Can Your Lawyer Go to Mediation With You?
If you want your Stockton divorce attorney to attend a mediation with you, talk to your mediator (and your lawyer). In many cases, these meetings don’t involve lawyers—but typically, they can if you feel it’s necessary.
Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer in Stockton?
Call us at 209-910-9865 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.
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