Tag: <span>Negotiation</span>

How Long Does a Divorce Take in California?

February 12, 2020March 5, 2020
by Angie

If you’re considering a split from your spouse, you probably want to know how long a divorce takes in California. The fastest you can get a divorce in California is 6 months – but some divorces take a lot longer. Here’s what you need to know.

How Long Does a Divorce Take in California?

California has a 6-month waiting period for all divorces. The waiting period begins when you serve your spouse with divorce papers. The waiting period is in place to ensure that you really want to go through with your divorce – it gives you time to change your mind before you end your marriage.

What Do You Do During the 6-Month Waiting Period for Divorce?

During the 6-month waiting period, you and your spouse can use that time to resolve issues you’re facing. You might work on things like child custody and visitation, property valuation and division, or other important issues.

If you and your spouse can’t see eye-to-eye and reach agreements on your own, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator.

About Mediation

Mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution. It isn’t for everyone – such as couples who have been involved in domestic violence incidents – but it can be very beneficial to many people. The time you spend in mediation will likely be just a fraction of the time you spend litigating in court, and it’s much more cost-effective than litigation, too. Mediation works quickly to help people find common ground.

Your mediator will meet with you and your spouse in a neutral space. You might be in separate rooms, depending on your preference and ability to negotiate, or you might be in the same room. Your mediator will provide you with ground rules that you both must agree to follow. Then, he or she will remind you that everything you say in mediation is confidential.

Once you’ve all established the ground rules, your mediator will start discussing the first issue. You each get a chance to have your say and explain a proposed solution – and then the negotiation begins. The mediator will be the go-between for you and your spouse until you reach an agreement that you’re both reasonably satisfied with.

Learn more: What is divorce mediation?

What Happens at the End of the 6-Month Divorce Waiting Period?

If you and your spouse have reached an agreement by the time your 6-month waiting period is up, the judge in your case can issue a divorce decree.

However, if you haven’t reached an agreement, your attorney will let the court know that you need to have a trial to settle your divorce.

Bifurcated Divorce

Some people can get what’s called a bifurcated divorce, which means that the court will still terminate the marriage and let the now-former couple work out their issues after divorce. Some of the issues you can work on after a divorce is final might include:

A permanent custody and visitation agreement
The validity of a prenuptial agreement
Other important issues that you can discuss with your attorney

The courts sometimes allow bifurcated divorce because it makes more sense. For example, if there’s just one issue holding up the divorce process, your Stockton divorce attorney can file a motion to ask the court to dissolve your marriage before you hammer out the details.

Related: Do prenups work?

Are There Any Shortcuts to a Fast Divorce in California?

There aren’t any shortcuts to a fast divorce in California. The best thing you can do is work out agreements with your spouse as early as possible so you don’t need to go to trial. If you need to go to trial, your divorce will take much longer. That’s because you have to wait to get on the court’s calendar and wait for the judge to make an evidence-based decision. (Even gathering evidence takes time, so if you and your spouse can’t agree on your own, your divorce could drag on for months. The most difficult cases can take years to resolve.)

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How Long it Takes to Get a Divorce in California?

If your’e contemplating divorce, we can help you. We can even help you negotiate your way to a settlement, which means you may be able to divorce your spouse as soon as the 6-month waiting period is over.

Call us at 209-395-1605 for a consultation now. We’ll answer your questions and start building a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome.

Divorce

3 Things You Can Do to Make Your Divorce…

August 22, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Divorce is never easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through – and unfortunately, there’s no magic wand that can chase away all your stress and make the whole process a breeze. While working with the right attorney can make your whole experience better, the bottom line is that it’s going to be stressful and at times, it’s going to be difficult.

You’ve seen people who have long, drawn-out and extremely painful divorces – in fact, you may even know some of those people personally. But there are three things that you can do to make your divorce easier.

3 Things You Can Do to Make Your Divorce Easier

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for making your divorce easier, but check out these three things you can do to simplify the process and make things go more smoothly:

Be prepared to cooperate
Start negotiations early
Get – and stay – organized

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

#1. Be prepared to cooperate.

When you divorce your spouse, you’ll have to do things like work out custody agreements, decide how to divide your marital property, and figure out who keeps your marital home. You could decide not to negotiate with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and ask the judge to decide for you, but there are a few problems with that scenario.

First, the judge will do his or her best to be fair – but only you know your family well enough to make the best decisions for them. Most people who ask the judge to decide walk away feeling as if they “lost,” even if they did get some of the things they wanted. However, most people who negotiate their own settlements are more likely to walk away from the divorce feeling reasonably satisfied with the outcome because they had a hand in creating it. Divorce litigation is expensive and time-consuming, too, because you have to pay your attorney for her work on the case and wait for a time and date to open up on the court’s schedule.

That’s not to say that there aren’t some cases in which it’s best to let the judge decide. In fact, there are some cases in which there’s no other option – such as when your ex won’t come to the table to negotiate or you were dealing with a domestic violence situation and negotiation is not in your best interest.

#2. Start negotiations early.

The sooner you begin negotiating with your spouse, the better. You’ll have more time to reach fair settlements – including agreements on child custody and visitation – and you’ll be able to get your kids into a routine sooner, too.

When you’re both upfront about what you want from your divorce, you can work together to negotiate a fair settlement. Ask your spouse what he or she expects to keep, what type of custody arrangement he or she would like to work out, and whether there are any special considerations in your divorce. Then, use what you learn to negotiate for the things you want. Remember to choose your battles, too – you don’t want to fight over things that you don’t even want (although some people do fight just for the sake of fighting).

#3. Get – and stay – organized.

Gather all your important documents, including:

Kids’ birth certificates
Social Security cards
Travel documents
Citizenship paperwork, if applicable
Financial statements
Bank statements
Credit card statements
Kids’ school records
Other records that you may need at any point during your divorce

Having everything you need in one central location is essential. That way, if you have to enroll your kids in a new school, your attorney needs to see retirement account statements, or you want to show how much money you bring in on a monthly basis for alimony or child support purposes, you’ll have paperwork at your fingertips.

Related: Divorce mediation checklist

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

Whether you’re considering divorce, you’re ready to file, or your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

What is Collaborative Divorce in California?

June 1, 2019August 4, 2020
by Angie

If you’re considering collaborative divorce in California, here’s what you need to know.

What is Collaborative Divorce in California?

Collaborative divorce is the same across the board, whether you’re in California or another state. A collaborative divorce is one in which both parties work together to reach a settlement that everyone finds reasonably satisfying. It’s a give-and-take negotiation process that results in the couple – not the judge – making the final decisions on big issues.

Why Do People Choose Collaborative Divorce in California?

Some people choose the collaborative divorce route because it’s faster, cheaper, and in most cases, less stressful than litigation. In a divorce where the couple can’t reach their own agreements, there’s a lot of back-and-forth between attorneys – and there are court dates where all the parties and their lawyers have to show up and argue before the judge. The judge makes a final decision, and while judges do their best to be fair and impartial, someone is bound to leave the courtroom feeling like they’ve lost.

The best way to get what you want from your divorce is to collaborate with your spouse.

What About Mediation?

You can use mediation in a collaborative divorce. Mediation is often a great way to help people see eye-to-eye (or at least find some common ground) during divorce, and working with a mediator can take some of the pressure off each of you because the mediator is your go-between.

Related: Divorce mediation checklist

Do You Have Your Own Lawyer in a Collaborative Divorce in California?

You hire your own attorney and your spouse hires his or her own attorney in a collaborative divorce. Your attorney will be watching out for your best interests along the way, and that means she’ll encourage you to define what you want from your divorce and see what you can use to negotiate to get it.

How to Reach Agreements With Your Spouse

When you’re divorcing the person you’ve been married to, it might feel like cooperation is the last thing you want to do. However, because it’s usually the best way to get what you want from your divorce, it’s in your best interest – and your soon-to-be ex’s best interest – to try to cooperate as best you can. You’ll have to decide on major issues, including child custody (if you have children), spousal support if one of you is asking for it, and how to divide your property fairly.

Negotiation is part common sense and part tact. When you want something, you can’t demand it – you have to plan carefully and be tactful in your delivery. (That’s why many people choose to use a mediator who can carry messages back and forth while smoothing out the process.) You have to set ground rules for negotiation before you start – and you and your spouse both have to agree to them, too. Some good ground rules for negotiation include:

Be prepared to give and take
Be cordial to each other and check your feelings at the door
Avoid ultimatums
Avoid giving each other deadlines
Stay cool – don’t let your emotions get the best of you

Your attorney can help you with the finer points, too. The bottom line is that you need to treat divorce negotiations like a business transaction – essentially, that’s what this type of negotiation is.

How to Know if Collaborative Divorce is Right for You

Collaborative divorce isn’t for everyone. It may not be a good idea if you’ve experienced domestic violence, for example, or you have other issues that will prevent you from cooperating with your spouse.

If you’re thinking about pursuing a collaborative divorce in California, your best bet is to talk to your lawyer. She’ll ask you some questions and help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates for these types of negotiations.

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about divorce negotiation and issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at (209) 546-6870 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

5 High-Asset Divorce Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

May 12, 2019May 10, 2019
by Angie

High-asset divorces can be incredibly contentious – and unfortunately, when there’s a lot of back-and-forth, people make mistakes. But making a mistake in a high-asset divorce can cost you for the rest of your life, so it’s important that you’re aware of the potential pitfalls and that you know how to steer clear to protect your assets.

Check out these five high-asset divorce mistakes so you know how to protect yourself – and your future.

5 High-Asset Divorce Mistakes: What NOT to Do

The most common high-asset divorce mistakes we see in our offices include things like:

Letting emotions rule over logic
Making rush decisions just to get the divorce over with
Hiding assets from one spouse
Failing to consider tax consequences
Going straight to litigation rather than negotiation

Here’s what you need to know about each of these high-asset divorce mistakes.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #1: Letting Emotions Rule Over Logic

Divorce is an emotional process, whether it’s due to infidelity or anything else – and that can make it tough to make logical decisions. However, now is the most important time to focus on what’s most important: your future.

It’s not uncommon for one party in a divorce to feel guilty about what’s happening, but it’s a big mistake to let that guilt guide the decision-making process. For example, if you feel bad and agree to give your spouse double the spousal support he or she would ordinarily receive, or you decide to hand over more than half your marital assets, you’re cutting into your own future.

On the other side of the coin, you can’t use the court system to exact revenge on your spouse. Divorce is a legal process, and if you try to use the legal system to get back at your ex for what he or she has done, it’s more than likely going to backfire on you.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #2: Making Rush Decisions

In many cases, both parties just want the divorce to end – and they’re willing to make less-than-informed decisions in an effort to wrap things up quickly. There are several reasons people want to rush through divorce, such as hoping the divorce will attract less media attention or simply wanting to be done with a spouse they can’t stand any longer.

Unfortunately, though, you can’t rush through a divorce and cover all your bases. You need to take the time to avoid making serious mistakes that will cost you long after your divorce is final.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #3: Hiding Assets

In some cases, one spouse hides assets from the court so he or she doesn’t have to split them. California is a community property state, which means the assets you accumulate during your marriage – in most cases, anyway – belong to both spouses.

Hiding assets can get you into serious hot water with the courts – and in addition to the court finding out about those assets and dividing them anyway, you’ll lose your credibility. The majority of hidden assets are eventually discovered during the divorce process.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #4: Failing to Consider Tax Consequences

Divorce changes your financial situation – sometimes drastically. Most of the financial transactions that take place during divorce have tax consequences, including the division of retirement accounts and the sale of homes, vehicles and other property.

Your attorney may suggest that you hire a tax professional or another financial expert to help you understand the tax consequences of the financial decisions you make now.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #5: Going Straight to Litigation

For most people – even in high-asset divorces – negotiation is the way to go. You may not mind spending money on attorney’s fees through litigation, particularly if it means you’re going to “win,” but the vast majority of people who negotiate their own settlements end up being far more satisfied with the outcome than those who litigated in court.

When you and your spouse reach agreements on the major issues surrounding your divorce, including child custody and property division, your divorce will go faster and be less stressful for everyone involved. If you and your spouse can’t reach agreements on your own, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator who can help.

Related: What is divorce mediation?

Need to Avoid These Costly High-Asset Divorce Mistakes?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about mediation and divorce-related issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-546-6870 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

What Are the Legal Stages of Divorce in California?

May 6, 2019May 10, 2019
by Angie

When you and your spouse are splitting up, there are a few ways you can go about it. Some people qualify for annulment or choose legal separation, but most people use divorce as a means to dissolve their marriages.

Divorce is a legal process. You don’t need grounds to split up from your spouse, and you don’t need to prove that he or she did anything wrong – you just have to let the courts know that you’re unable to continue living within the confines of your marriage.

So what are the legal stages of divorce in California, and how long does it take to get through them? Here’s what you need to know.

What Are the Legal Stages of Divorce in California?

Divorce, like any other legal process, has certain phases and steps you and your Stockton divorce attorney must take. Here’s a rough outline of the legal stages of divorce:

The divorce petition
Temporary orders, if necessary
Service of process
The divorce petition response
Negotiations
Trial, if necessary
Order of dissolution

Legal Stage of Divorce #1: The Divorce Petition

Every divorce starts with a petition that goes to the court. It’s a legal document asking the court to grant an order of dissolution – the document that officially ends your marriage.

Your lawyer will create a petition that states the grounds for your divorce, such as irreconcilable differences.

Legal Stage of Divorce #2: Temporary Orders

Judges don’t always have to issue temporary orders during divorce, but sometimes they’re necessary for things like child support or financial support. Temporary custody orders can come into play here, too. Once a couple splits up, they’re put in place to last until permanent orders take over.

Legal Stage of Divorce #3: Service of Process

After petitioning the court for a divorce, the party who filed is responsible for showing the court that a copy of the petition went to the other party. Your attorney will handle all of this for you – it’s not something you have to worry about, but it is one of the legal stages of divorce.

Legal Stage of Divorce #4: The Divorce Petition Response

Once your spouse gets a copy of the divorce petition, he or she will file a response to it. If he or she disagrees on things like property division, child support, child custody or anything else, they’ll be in the response.

Legal Stage of Divorce #5: Negotiations

You and your spouse can negotiate based on what’s in his or her response. Your attorney will most likely encourage you to come to your own agreements about all the important issues in your divorce. If you can’t agree, the judge in your case will have to make decisions for you – and while that’s fine if it’s necessary, you’ll save time and money if you don’t have to go to trial (that’s the next legal stage in divorce).

One thing’s for sure, though: Couples who reach their own agreements without the court having to intervene are generally more satisfied with the outcome. Each party can walk away feeling more like he or she won rather than lost. Unless you and your spouse absolutely cannot agree, it’s in your best interest to try to negotiate.

Legal Stage of Divorce #6: Trial

Issues that you and your spouse can’t resolve between yourselves will go to trial. Your attorney and your spouse’s attorney will present evidence to the judge in your case, and the judge will make a decision for you. Judges can make all kinds of determinations, including child custody and property division – but again, it’s better if you and your spouse can reach agreements on important issues rather than go to trial.

Remember, too, that there’s no way to predict how a judge will rule… even if you think you have all the evidence you need to get what you want.

Legal Stage of Divorce #7: Order of Dissolution

After the judge has signed off on the agreements you’ve made (or the judge has made decisions on all the issues that he or she needs to settle for you), the court will give you an order of dissolution. The order of dissolution – your divorce decree – will spell out how you’re dividing property and debts, where your kids will live, how much child support will change hands, and every other issue that you and your spouse have settled.

Need Help Understanding the Legal Stages of Divorce?

If you’re divorcing your spouse, even if he or she has already filed for dissolution, we may be able to help you.

Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney in Stockton. We’ll answer all your questions and begin developing the strategy that gets you the best possible outcome.

Divorce

“I Want to Divorce My Husband”: 5 Signs You’re…

January 12, 2019August 3, 2020
by Angie

“I want to divorce my husband.”

If you’ve said those words – or even if they’ve just been floating around in your head a while – it might be time for you to get in touch with an attorney and learn about your options.

But are you really ready for divorce?

The good news: You don’t have to be ready to file divorce paperwork right now to talk to a lawyer. Instead, speaking with an attorney is more of an exploration – it’s a way to find out if you’re ready to dive in with both feet and dissolve your marriage.

Still not sure?

Check out these five signs you’re ready to divorce your husband.

“I Want to Divorce My Husband”: 5 Signs You’re Ready for Divorce

No two people deal with the break-up of a marriage in exactly the same way. You might be ready long before – or long after – someone else in a similar situation.

But these five signs can indicate that you’re ready to divorce your husband and start a new life without him.

You can be honest with yourself about the way you feel.
You want a divorce because you feel you’ll be better off – not because you’re angry or frustrated.
You know you can handle divorce’s side-effects.
You’re ready to take control of your own circumstances.
You have plans in place for your kids, your finances and your future.

You Can Be Honest About the Way You Feel

Divorce is a big deal, and nobody arrives at the decision to break off a marriage lightly. If you’re at the stage where you can be honest about the way you feel – and you’re not in love with your husband any more – you may be ready to begin the process.

You Want a Divorce Because You’ll Be Better Off

Living with conflict – or living with a lack of any compassion, warmth or romance – is incredibly stressful. If going it alone looks more appealing than staying in a miserable situation, that can be a sign that you’re ready to talk to a divorce lawyer.

You Know You Can Handle the Consequences of Divorce

Although divorce is just a legal process that dissolves a marriage contract, it can have several repercussions. You’ll be living on your own, and outside spousal support and child support, you’ll be responsible for providing for your own needs. If you have children, you’ll have to help them cope, as well.

Related: Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

You’re Ready to Handle Negotiations Responsibly

During your divorce, you’ll have to negotiate with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. In order for both of you to come out of the divorce reasonably satisfied with the outcome, you might have to turn to a mediator for help. You’ll have to make agreements that are good for everyone and that respect your spouse’s rights. If you’re ready to do that, you may be ready to file for divorce from your husband.

Related: 13 Divorce Negotiation Tips You Can Use Today

You Have Plans for Your Kids, Finances and Future

Divorce is one of the biggest life events you’ll ever go through, which means you have to have plans in place. You and your spouse will eventually need to reach agreements on child custody that serve your kids’ best interests, and you’ll also have to be able to support yourself financially. If you’ve mapped out how you’re going to handle your post-divorce future, it may be the right time for you to talk to an attorney.

Are You Considering Divorcing Your Husband?

If you’re thinking about divorce and you’re reasonably sure you’re ready to take the first step, we can help you.

Call us at 209-910-9865 to schedule your consultation with an experienced, compassionate divorce attorney today.

Divorce

13 Divorce Negotiation Tips You Can Use Today

May 22, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

Your Stockton divorce lawyer will most likely tell you to try to work out agreements with your spouse before trying to haul him or her to court – and that’s all fine, but just how are you supposed to negotiate?

Check out these 13 divorce negotiation tips; they’ll get you started. While you’re here, familiarize yourself with the 5 Ground Rules for Divorce Negotiation, as well.

Leave the kids out of it
Control your own emotions
Provide (and get) all the facts
Commit to clear communication
Don’t focus on the person; focus on the problem
Keep looking for common ground
Know your limits
Be reasonable
Use helpful, not harmful, phrases
Avoid deal-killers
Recognize coercion
Be willing to look for solutions
Set ground rules before you start

13 Divorce Negotiation Tips

#1: Leave the Kids Out of It

Your spouse is less likely to negotiate with you when the discussion becomes emotionally charged, so avoid bringing up your children unless you’re negotiating a child custody agreement.

#2: Control Your Own Emotions

When you control your emotions, your spouse is more likely to do the same. Don’t respond to anything in an emotional way; what you’re doing is dissolving your marriage contract, and once you’ve reached an agreement, you can move on with your life.

#3: Provide (and Get) All the Facts

You can’t negotiate a fair settlement if you’re not sharing all the facts with your soon-to-be ex (and vice-versa). If you suspect that your spouse is hiding assets, talk to your Stockton divorce attorney about working with a forensic accountant.

#4: Commit to Clear Communication

Say what you mean to say, and when you say it, you must mean it. Don’t waffle back-and-forth or be indecisive; your job is to communicate clearly with your spouse so you can reach a fair and equitable agreement.

#5: Don’t Focus on the Person; Focus on the Problem

For most people, it’s easy to get distracted and want to fight. To reach agreements through successful negotiation, you’ll have to focus solely on the issues – not how you feel about your spouse, or what he or she did to you during the course of your marriage.

#6: Keep Looking for Common Ground

Some problems seem insurmountable, but most aren’t – you just have to keep looking for common ground. That may mean giving up things that are important to you in exchange for other things.

#7: Know Your Limits

Enter negotiations knowing the least you’d be willing to give, the most you’d be willing to give, and the bottom line you know you’ll agree to. Remember, they’re negotiations, so you don’t start there. However, you do need a threshold for what you’ll accept.

#8: Be Reasonable

During the negotiation process, remember that you both want to come out feeling as if you’ve “won.” You can do that, but only if you’re both reasonable and willing to accommodate each other.

#9: Use Helpful, Not Harmful, Phrases

When you’re talking to your soon-to-be ex, use phrases like:

“Please correct me if I’m wrong…”
“Can we go over this again so I can be sure I understand it?”
“Maybe a more equitable solution is…”
“Can I show you where I’m having trouble with…:

#10: Avoid Deal-Killers

Deal killers in any negotiation are:

Anger
Greed
Jealousy
Pride

Don’t let any of those emotions prevent you from looking at your negotiations with a clear head – or from making concessions or asking for what you deserve, either.

#11: Recognize Coercion

You need to be able to recognize the signs if your spouse tries to coerce you into giving up more than what you’re willing to give up. Watch for:

Deception or misrepresentation of the facts
Personal attacks
Plays on your guilt
Refusal to negotiate or unreasonable demands
Escalating demands

If you see any of these, your negotiations are in danger and you may need to stop what you’re doing to call your attorney.

#12: Be Willing to Search for Solutions

Solutions aren’t always readily apparent, so make sure you’re willing to brainstorm with your spouse to reach a fair agreement. Don’t be afraid to get creative, either.

#13: Set the Ground Rules Before You Start

You and your spouse both have to agree to ground rules before you begin or you won’t get very far. Make sure your spouse is willing to work with you, not against you, before you attempt to negotiate with each other.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Negotiation?

We can help you negotiate with your spouse. Call us at 209-910-9865 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today. We’ll discuss your case, find out about your circumstances and start formulating a plan that gets you and your family the best possible outcome.

Divorce

5 Ground Rules for Divorce Negotiation

December 20, 2017January 17, 2019
by Angie

Divorce negotiations can be tough, which is why many people choose to work with a Stockton family law attorney who understands the process and its impact on those going through it.

But what is divorce negotiation, and how can you do it successfully?

What is Divorce Negotiation?

Negotiation during divorce is a back-and-forth between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse that allows you to reach a fair, equitable outcome. While many people choose to work with a mediator, that may not be necessary if you and your spouse can agree to a few ground rules.

5 Ground Rules for Divorce Negotiation

The basic rules for divorce negotiation are:

Be prepared
Be cordial to each other and don’t get personal
Do not use ultimatums
Avoid giving deadlines
Keep your cool

Divorce Negotiation Rule #1: Be Prepared

Know what you want and what you’re willing to accept before you begin negotiating with your spouse. Write down what you’d like to see happen, and be realistic. Know that you may not get everything you want, and prepare yourself by remembering that negotiation is about give-and-take.

Divorce Negotiation Rule #2: Be Cordial to Each Other and Don’t Get Personal

You may not even want to talk to your spouse, let alone agree to anything – but you have to commit to staying cordial or you’ll stall negotiations completely. Once you cross the line into personal insults, your ex will shut down and stop dealing with you, and that means you’ll have to drag your issues to court (and the judge will take the outcome out of your hands).

Divorce Negotiation Rule #3: Do Not Use Ultimatums

Some issues are more important than others, and there might be some issues you’re not willing to negotiate on at all – but if you frame these issues in a “if you do this, I’ll do that” way, you’re almost asking your ex to call you on it. Instead, share your ideas with your spouse and leave things open-ended. Try saying something like, “This is what I propose, and I think it’s reasonable. If you disagree, please let me know why and what you think would be more reasonable.”

Divorce Negotiation Rule #4: Avoid Giving Deadlines

Deadlines are ultimatums in disguise. Don’t say, “You have until tomorrow at 10 a.m. to decide,” because what your spouse hears is, “If you don’t do what I want, I’m going to make this harder for you.” Remember that your spouse wants to get this over with just like you do, and the fastest way to do that is to reach agreements on your own terms.

Divorce Negotiation Rule #5: Keep Your Cool

Letting your emotions take over can be a disaster. When you become angry or upset, rational thought takes a hike – and you’ll say or do things you’ll later regret. If you become emotional when you’re trying to negotiate with your spouse (and we know, this is hard), it’s important that you take a step back and wait until you’ve cooled off to make important decisions.

Some people find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can teach them new coping strategies and ways to keep calm when confronted with emotional issues.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Divorce Negotiation?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about divorce negotiation and issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-910-9865 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

3 Tips on How to Negotiate During Divorce

November 1, 2017January 17, 2019
by Angie

During your divorce, your family law attorney will most likely advise you to try to negotiate with your spouse – whether it’s about child custody and visitation, the way you divide your assets, or other matters that could put you and your soon-to-be ex at a judge’s mercy.

But that’s easier to say than it is to do… right?

How to Negotiate During Divorce

Before you begin to negotiate with your spouse, you need to know why it’s important.

If you can’t agree on important issues, you’ll end up forcing the judge in your case to decide them for you. While judges do their best to be fair, only you and your spouse know what’s really best for yourselves and your children. Further, the more time you need to spend in court, the more money your divorce will cost – and the longer it’ll take.

Ideally, you’ll be able to work with your spouse to reach agreements on all the major issues before you go before the judge.

3 Tips on How to Negotiate During Divorce

Divorce Negotiation Tip #1: Separate What You Need From What You Want

Map out a post-divorce budget and try to determine how much, if any, alimony you’ll need to ask your spouse to pay. Evaluate the entire situation so you know what’s negotiable and what’s not before you begin engaging your spouse in negotiations. Ask yourself:

Do I need to remain in the marital home because the children are in school here (or for other reasons)?
Will I be able to handle the debt associated with taking one of the vehicles?
Can I reasonably expect my spouse to pay a certain amount in alimony while still leaving him or her enough to live on?
Will the kids live with me or my ex, and what do I need (or what do I need to do) to keep their standard of living the same?

Every situation is different, so take an objective look at your divorce. Try to think like a judge, who’s looking out for what’s fair for both parties (but especially the children).

Divorce Negotiation Tip #2: Separate Your Emotions From the Facts

It’s easy to become upset when you’re negotiating your entire life, but that’s the least productive thing you can do. (It may be a good idea to talk to a local therapist who can provide you with new coping strategies, as well.)

Remember that nothing can derail negotiations as quickly as a heated argument can. Do what it takes to remain as calm and reasonable as possible while you’re working through these issues with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, because you need to focus on the big picture: life after divorce.

Divorce Negotiation Tip #3: Stay Flexible

The divorce process is all about negotiations, but you won’t get far if you don’t remain flexible. Negotiation is give-and-take, and you can’t try to change that dynamic. There are alternatives to every situation; if your spouse wants something that isn’t on your “must-have” list, use it as a bargaining tool.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Negotiating With Your Spouse?

Your attorney can always help you negotiate, as well, although she’ll have to work with your spouse’s attorney to do so.

We can help you get through this – and if you’re overwhelmed by what’s going on, call us right away. The sooner we can understand your situation, the sooner we can begin to help you.

Call us at 209-910-9865 or get in touch with us online to talk to a Stockton family lawyer who can help today.

Divorce

Divorce and Property Settlement: 5 Tips to Negotiate With…

February 27, 2017March 24, 2020
by Anna Maples

When you go through a divorce in California, you’ll have to go through several steps — and one of them is creating a divorce property settlement. Here’s how to negotiate during divorce so you can reach a fair, reasonable outcome.

How to Negotiate During Divorce

If you’re like most people, you have no idea how to negotiate during divorce. That’s okay, because you probably haven’t been through it before.

However, before we get into how to negotiate, we need to cover:

What is a property settlement?
Whether you have to settle on debt
Divorce property settlement laws in California

What is a Property Settlement in Divorce?

California is a community property state. That means the property you acquire (beginning on the day you marry and ending on the day your marriage ends) is supposed to be divided equally between you when you divorce.

A property settlement agreement is the agreement you and your spouse reach to divide your property equally and fairly. Equal doesn’t always mean 50-50, though. It can mean that you each get your own vehicle, even if one is valued more highly than the other, and for the most part, the courts will take into account whether you feel the agreement is fair and equitable.

Does a Divorce Settlement Agreement Include Debt?

A divorce settlement agreement does include debt. All of the debt you incur while you’re married is considered community property; you’re both responsible for it.

Divorce Property Settlement Laws in California

In many cases, divorcing couples can figure out a property division arrangement that works for everyone involved.

However, if you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement, or if the agreement you reach is obviously skewed unfairly to one side, the Superior Court steps in and splits your property and debt equally.

Now that you’re familiar with the concepts you’ll have to deal with, here’s how to negotiate during divorce.

How to Negotiate During Divorce: 5 Tips to Help You Figure Out Your Divorce Property Settlement

Ideally, you and your spouse will be able to reach an agreement on your own. If you can’t, you’ll force the judge to step in. That can drag out your divorce, and often, couples come out of the courtroom feeling as if they’ve both lost. (Your Stockton divorce and property settlement lawyer will encourage you to reach an agreement with your spouse long before you show up in court because doing so will save you time and money — and you’ll have fewer headaches with the whole ordeal.)

Check out these five tips as you learn how to negotiate during divorce:

Remember that divorce and property division are business transactions.
Be logical and reasonable every step of the way.
Watch for coercive tactics.
Use helpful, rather than harmful, phrases.
Don’t become trapped in predictable scenarios.

#1. Pledge to Look at Your Divorce and Property Division Issues as Business Transactions

When you divorce, you’re dissolving your marriage contract. While that seems like an unfeeling way to look at things, it’s how the law sees it—and your property division is no different. Treating property division as a negotiation process can make things much simpler.

#2. Be Logical and Reasonable

You can’t afford to ignore the “big picture” when you’re negotiating a divorce settlement with your spouse. You don’t have to be adversarial; in fact, looking at a divorce like something you have to win can be counterproductive.

Related: More divorce negotiation tips

#3. Watch for Coercive Tactics

While coercive tactics can be tough to spot, if your spouse is attempting to use them on you, it’s imperative that you stop, back away from the process, and regroup. Coercive tactics that some spouses employ include:

Personal attacks, including insults and implications
Lying or threats
Psychological tricks, such as attempting to get you to feel guilty
Refusal to negotiate
Escalating demands
Planning delays to make things more difficult for you
Withholding money or access to your children

Chances are good that your divorce attorney is going to notice these tactics if your spouse uses them — they’re actually fairly common in adversarial divorces.

#4. Use Helpful Phrases to Encourage Your Spouse to Cooperate

Negotiations come to a grinding halt when one party says, “I’m not going to let you win.”

Remember that in successful negotiations, both parties “win.” When you’re working with your spouse to reach an agreement, try phrases that help the process along, such as:

“Can we go over this again to make sure I understand it correctly?
“Please correct me if I’m wrong, but…”
“My main concern is fairness.”
“Or we could try…”

#5. Don’t Become Trapped in Predictable Scenarios

It’s perfectly normal for divorce negotiations to seep into your emotions. The key, though, is not letting your emotions rule the negotiation process. When your spouse becomes angry or attempts to drag you into a disagreement, step back. Take some time to cool down and let your attorney summarize the issue so you can move forward.

What Should I Ask for in a Divorce Settlement?

If you’re like many people, you’ve heard divorce stories that run the length of the entire spectrum — some people say, “She took everything from me!” while others say, “We had a fair settlement. Actually, maybe I got more than he did.”

So what should you ask for in a divorce settlement?

The answer is simple: Ask for what you need to be reasonably satisfied with the outcome. Remember, too, that the judge is unlikely to sign off on anything that’s patently unfair (to you or your spouse). Don’t ask for the house, the cars, all the furniture, your savings accounts and half your spouse’s retirement — even if you’re pretty sure you deserve all those things.

California is a community property state, which means the assets you and your spouse acquired while you were married belong to both of you. You can make trade-offs, but make sure you’re asking for things you actually want. If you only want the house so you can sell it and pocket the proceeds, you need to know that the courts will expect you to trade something of equal value — and if your spouse would remain in the house with the children, it’s probably not a great idea to try to fight for it.

How Do You Negotiate Spousal Support?

Negotiating spousal support can be one of the most difficult aspects of your divorce. Before you begin negotiations, remember that the judge in your case will only sign off on your agreement if it’s fair to both of you — and if the paying party can reasonably afford it.

When one spouse doesn’t agree that the other needs spousal support, negotiating for it can be incredibly difficult. You may need your attorney to step in. However, if you’re both in agreement that some spousal support should change hands, make sure that you can see things from your spouse’s point of view.

Try these tips to negotiate spousal support:

Stay calm. If either of you becomes upset, negotiations are going to grind to a halt.
Don’t point the finger or make demands. Try saying things like, “I feel upset when you say I’m asking for too much. It’s difficult for me to support myself when I need to go to school to learn marketable skills. I’d like it if you could help me with $X so I can get on my feet.”
Actively listen to what your spouse is saying. That means summarize what he or she is saying and repeat it back so that your spouse knows you’re actually paying attention.
Ask questions to help your spouse collaborate with you. Think about saying things like, “I’m worried about being able to pay a sitter while I’m at school. What are your ideas?”

You don’t have to know exactly how to negotiate during divorce… but you do need to go into it with a positive attitude and be willing to settle for a reasonable outcome. You also have to know that your lawyer is here to help you every step of the way.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How to Negotiate During Divorce?

We can help you with your divorce and property settlement agreement. Just call us at 209-910-9865 to tell us what you’re going through. We’ll put together a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome.