Tag: <span>Parenting</span>

Visitation Schedules

March 15, 2022February 25, 2022
by Briana White

Between school and work schedules, the modern family has a lot going on. As a result, even when both parents are qualified, it’s not always possible for California courts to split a child’s time fifty/fifty.

When this happens, the court will sometimes choose a primary residence for the child, and award the non-resident parent ample visitation.

Visitation comes in several types and can be either scheduled or not. This important parental right ensures both parents have time to cultivate a meaningful relationship with their child and to influence how they’re raised.

Here’s what you need to know about visitation schedules in California, and what Maples Family Law can do to help you figure out the plan that’s right for your family.

What is Visitation?

Visitation is a critical part of child custody, and refers to the allotted parenting time given to a non-custodial parent. This in-person time is critical to maintaining parental rights, and ensures both parents have access to their child.

When visitation is planned in advance, this is called a visitation schedule. Visitation schedules can be as detailed or flexible as parents can handle; some need everything planned out, while others work better on an as-needed basis.

Visitation—whether scheduled or not—is only really applicable in situations where one parent is assigned sole physical custody. If both parents have their child for an equal (or close to) amount of time, this is called joint custody.

In California, all custody decisions—including visitation—will be determined, according to a child’s best interest.

Figuring Out the Visitation That’s Best for Your Child

The best interest of the child is a legal standard that makes a child’s long-term health and wellbeing the driving force behind every decision made.

When applied to custody and visitation, the court will weigh a number of different individualized facts, and choose the outcome that will serve your child best.

Some of these considerations include:

The child’s age;
The child’s health;
The child’s relationship with each parent;
The child’s ties to school, home, and community;
Each parent’s ability to care for the child; and,
Any history of family violence or substance abuse.

Judges are also free to consider any other tidbits they think might be relevant to this decision—though, we should point that, that a parent’s wishes will never be one of those morsels.

Types of Visitation

Like with everything else in family law, visitation isn’t a one size fits all situation. Families are each unique, and thus, each will need an arrangement tailored to their child’s unique needs.

To accommodate all these varying needs, California family law offers four main types of visitation. These include:

Scheduled Visitation
Reasonable Visitation
Supervised Visitation
No Visitation

Here’s a closer look at each of these, and when you might use one over the other during a custody dispute.

1. Scheduled Visitation

When people think of visitation, scheduled visitation is usually what comes to mind. In this arrangement, a child’s time with each parent is planned out—often in fairly significant detail.

Often, this calendar often will include information about:

The dates and times with each parent;
Drop off times and locations;
Where the child will spend major holidays;
Who gets the child on birthdays;
School schedules, summer holidays, and family vacations; as well as,
Directions for how special events will be handled.

Contrary to popular belief, parents do not have to use the court in order to get a scheduled visitation. Parents are always free to make their own parenting plan, and can tailor it to meet their family’s specific needs. If you can’t, though, then the court will draft one for you.

This is usually done using a standard visitation schedule as a starting point. These standard schedules come in a variety of different formats, such as alternating weeks, every other weekend, and even age appropriate schedules, depending on the child’s needs. (For example, a daytime only schedule for a newborn baby.)

Scheduled visitation is often preferred over other types of visitation, since both parents know what to expect. This helps them to avoid conflict, and provides children with a set routine. However, not all parents like the rigidity of a scheduled arrangement, which is why some choose our next option.

2. Reasonable Visitation

Unlike scheduled visitation, reasonable visitation does not try to plan everything out. Instead, parents agree to allow the other a “reasonable” amount of time with the child, and get to decide—on their own—what, exactly, that means.

Reasonable visitation is essentially an open-ended, “fly by the seat of your pants” arrangement, and offers families a lot of benefits. Like flexibility, and ongoing communication. Because of this, they work particularly well for amicable divorces, unmarried parents, and those with unpredictable work schedules. However, it’s definitely not for everyone.

With no structure in place—or, even a definition of what “reasonable” might be—this type of visitation can easily lead to disagreements, requiring parents to head back to court again, later on down the road.

3. Supervised Visitation

In a supervised visitation arrangement, a parent’s time with their child is chaperoned. This can be done either by a neutral third party (such as a family friend or family member), or, in some cases, may require a paid professional (such a social worker).

Judges usually require supervised visitation, when the health and safety of the child are in question. Sometimes, this is because of domestic violence. Other times, the court might be worried about mental illness, substance abuse, or even, parental abduction. However, supervised visitation doesn’t always mean you’ve done something bad.

Supervised visitation is also used to help parent and child ease into a relationship, if the two haven’t seen each other in a long time.

4. No Visitation

And finally, there’s our least commonly used type of visitation: no visitation.

We say “least commonly used,” here, because parental rights are pretty dang important in California. Hence, in order for the court to completely restrict a parent’s access to their child, the threat of harm has to be fairly significant.

This is usually implemented in cases of known domestic violence, where the threat of physical and/or emotional harm still exists. In California, the court will not put a child in danger just to uphold a parent’s right to access. That being said, keep in mind that you (as a parent) don’t get to make that call.

In California, parents are not allowed to withhold visitation for any reason. Doing so could put your own parental rights at risk, and prompt the court to reevaluate your custody order.

If you believe your child is in danger, then you should call the authorities. Afterwards, talk to your family law attorney about filing a formal case.

Do You Need Help with a Visitation Schedule in California?

As a divorced or unmarried parent, your allotted parenting time is a critical part of establishing and maintaining a relationship with your child. That’s why it’s so important to have the right attorney fighting for your rights during a custody dispute.

If you have more questions about visitation schedules in California, and how one might work in your situation, we want to hear from you. Call the Maples Family Law team at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let us fight for the arrangement that’s in your child’s best interest.

Child Custody

Virtual Visitation

May 18, 2021
by Briana White

As a parent, one of the most difficult aspects of divorce is suddenly having to share time with your child. This can be particularly excruciating, if you are a non-custodial parent, who no longer gets to live under the same roof as your child.

As a non-custodial parent, daily communication used to be something you didn’t think about. Nowadays, building a relationship with your child is contingent on being able to maintain a meaningful visitation schedule, which can be difficult, even in the best of circumstances. (Impossible, under the worst—thanks for that, COVID.) And this is before you even consider the unique challenges that families with international custody, traveling careers, and military obligations face.

Lucky for us, we live a time of unprecedented technology, where communication is no longer limited to in-person contact. In certain situations, these virtual tools can be incorporated into your custody agreement, to help supplement your parenting time.

What is Virtual Visitation?

In order to understand exactly what virtual visitation is, it’s important to first have at least a basic understanding of how California courts handle custody.

Custody refers to the broad range of parental rights and responsibilities that have to be divided when parents get a divorce. To this end, the court can divide custody by either giving all the power to one parent (sole custody), or making them share (joint custody). Since it’s nearly impossible to split a child’s time exactly fifty-fifty, the court will then typically make one spouse the child’s primary residence, while the other is awarded ample visitation.

Visitation, then, is essentially all that time a non-custodial parent gets to spend with their child. And for a really long time, that’s all it was: in person contact. Visitation either happened physically, or it didn’t happen at all.

Luckily, the past decades have moved us well beyond our Neanderthal ways, and when it comes to visitation, non-custodial parents are no longer quite so constrained by physical limitations. With a huge variety of technological advances at our fingertips, the parent/child relationship can be strengthened virtually, as well.

Hence, virtual visitation is defined as any parent/child contact that is facilitated through the use of technology.

Examples of Virtual Visitation

Virtual visitation’s broad definition encompasses a wide range of platforms and tools, and isn’t limited to just phone calls. Instead, parents have a wide variety of options, including:

Phone calls and text messaging;
Data plan facetime;
Webcams and online video chats;
Email and instant messaging;
Online gaming;
Private document sharing sites, such as Dropbox and Google Drive;
Photo sharing sites, such as Shutterfly, Flickr, and Picasa; and,
Social media posts, personal messaging, and sharing, through platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and TikTok.

With virtual visitation, a parent can help with homework, read a bedtime story, share the excitement of a special achievement, “attend” a performance, and offer emotional support, even if they can’t be there in person.

Virtual Visitation Laws in California

Virtual visitation is still a relatively new concept, and there are currently only a few states with official legislation that address it, including Utah, Texas, Wisconsin, Illinois, North Carolina, and Florida. As you can see, California isn’t one of them, but in our ever-expanding world of global interaction, it may be only a matter of time.

That being said, whatever your judge includes in your custody order is enforceable by law—including any kind of electronic communication. California courts routinely include virtual visitation as a part of custody orders, and the failure of either party to uphold these important terms can result in fines, a loss of custody, and in some situations, contempt of court.

During divorce or custody modification, parents can either mutually agree to include virtual visitation in their parenting plan, or else request that the court include it in the final order. In these situations, your judge would assess your circumstances to see if electronic communication is a viable option for your family.

When Does the Court Allow Virtual Visitation?

The 2020 COVID pandemic threw the world into the kind of crisis most people probably never even thought to consider, let alone worry about. As lockdowns, travel bans and mandatory quarantines forced global markets to a halt, California legislators were forced to weigh the risk of spreading the disease against the need for visitation.

This crisis resulted in a sudden, unexpected reliance on virtual visitation, which most divorced families took part of in some way. However, long before COVID became a household word, electronic communication was already being used by California courts to supplement in-person visits.

Virtual visitation is particularly useful for cases involving international custody, military custody, move away requests, and even extended business trips, for parents whose careers require frequent travel.

Guidelines for Virtual Visitation

Since electronic communication isn’t officially part of California family law, judges don’t have a specific set of criteria or formula they can apply to these situations.

Instead, the court analyzes what would be in the child’s best interest, and loosely considers whether parents:

Will permit and encourage their child to engage in virtual visits;
Have the tools to facilitate their child’s visits;
Are capable of carving out the necessary time; and, of course,
Whether each has the emotional bandwidth to allow their child to have uncensored communication with the other.

The court is unlikely to grant e-communication in situations of abuse or domestic violence, or when supervised visitation is required. And, as a whole, virtual visitation is most successful for parents who can set aside differences and work harmoniously with one another.

All that aside, if the COVID pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that while virtual visitation can be a vital tool in certain situations, it’s certainly no replacement for in-person contact.

The Drawbacks of Virtual Visitation

For parents who are limited by time, distance, or obligation, virtual visitation opens up an array of opportunities for them to maintain contact with their child. However, this technology has also drawn criticism from those who argue that e-communication is a poor substitute for in person face time.

Some of the arguments against virtual visitation include:

The negative impact of too much screen time on a child;
The burden it could place on a child’s already busy schedule;
The burden it places on a parent’s time and resource; and,
The ineffective, two-dimensional nature of e-communication (for instance, how easy it is to misread context and tone).

As California legislators consider whether or not to standardize virtual visitation in family law, they’ll need to examine some of these legitimate drawbacks, and analyze whether these technologies hinder—rather than actually help—parents and children foster deep, meaningful relationships.

They are also drawbacks that you should discuss with your family law attorney, if you and your spouse are considering making virtual visitation a part of your parenting plan.

Virtual Visitation Attorneys in California

If you have more questions about virtual visitation, and whether it’s appropriate for your situation, we want to hear from you. Call the Maples team at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let us help you figure out the visitation arrangement that will work best for your family.

family-law

FAQs About Child Custody Lawyers

March 1, 2021February 10, 2021
by Briana White

For worried parents, one of the most stressful aspects of divorce is how it will affect your child—especially in terms of custody. With your child’s well-being on the line, you want to be certain that the lawyer handling your case will fight for their best interest as passionately as you would.

At Maples Family law, we understand these concerns, and want to do everything possible to help you feel comfortable with the child custody process.

Here are some of the most commonly asked questions about child custody lawyers in California, and how our team can help you.

What is Custody?

First off, child custody is a broad label that refers to the rights and responsibilities associated with parenthood. In California, these custodial powers are divided into two main groups:

Legal Custody—the right to make decisions on behalf of a child and to choose how they will be raised; and,
Physical Custody—the right and responsibility to have a child physically present, and to care for their needs.

When parents get a divorce, these powers and duties must be shared and/or divided between spouses. To this end, judges can order the couple either to share responsibilities in joint custody, or, give only one parent this authority in sole custody.

How these parental rights are divided in your case will depend on an analysis of a number of individualized factors.

Can I Sue for Custody?

The answer to this question depends largely on what your relationship is to the child, and where you’re at in the family law process.

Parents, for example, inherently have rights to access, possession, and control over their child. However, if a parent has to ask about suing for custody, this probably means they’ve had their rights revoked or limited at some point. If this is the case, that parent would need to petition the court to have their current order amended, before custody could be reinstated.

If you are a parent getting divorced, custody will automatically be decided as a part of your parenting plan, and incorporated into your final order. There is no need to file a separate suit.

In California, grandparents do not have the same inherent rights to custody as a child’s parents. However, there are some situations where grandparents can sue for visitation, custody, or even adoption. Usually these cases arise due to parental neglect or abuse.

Should I Hire a Lawyer for Child Custody?

Yes. Whether you are getting divorced, or suing for custody in another capacity, it is always better to have an attorney, then not.

Family law is complicated and nuanced, and child custody is no exception. Without an attorney, you have a much greater chance of making expensive and irreversible mistakes—some of which could end up costing you your relationship with your child.

In the end, hiring an attorney is well worth the added expense to make sure your interests are being properly represented.

What if I Can’t Afford an Attorney for Child Custody?

If finances are tight, check with your local legal aid office, andexplore what resources are available to you there. The State Bar Association strongly encourages California attorneys to devote a portion of their time to pro bono services each year, so you may be able to find a quality attorney, at no cost.

Also, consider whether or not you even need an attorney. While it’s always better to have one, you might be able to forego representation under certain circumstances, especially if your spouse is not using representation, either.

If this is the case, consider trying to solve your differences out of court. Mediation, for example, does not require parties to have a lawyer present in order to reach a settlement agreement.

What Do Judges Look at When Deciding Custody?

The governing standard for any case involving children is the best interest of the child. Under this presumption, all outcomes are evaluated based on what will satisfy the child’s long-term health and happiness the best.

That being said, California courts strongly assume that a child’s best interest is served when allowed to cultivate a loving relationship with both parents. Hence—baring extreme circumstances, such as abuse or neglect—judges are likely to grant parents joint custody in most cases.

Factors your judge might consider when making this decision include:

The emotional and mental stability of both parents;
Home life in each household;
A parent’s ability to care for the child;
Any criminal behavior;
Potential harm that could befall a child; and even,
The child’s preference (especially if the child is over twelve).

Ultimately, however, every decision will come down to what is in the child’s best interest.

Who is Most Likely to Win a Custody Battle?

In California, it’s common for courts to split legal custody fifty-fifty between spouses. In these situations, both parents would have an equal say in how their child was raised, as well as the right to make decisions on behalf of their child (such education, medical procedures, and religious exposure). Physical custody, however, is another matter.

Since it’s so difficult to split a child’s physical time exactly equal, judges will often appoint one parent to be the child’s primary residence, while the other gets ample visitation. Statically speaking, mothers are more likely to be appointed the custodial parent, however this is not always the case.

With same sex marriage now legal, as well as a greater overall emphasis on protecting paternal rights, the role of custodial parent is no longer assumed. In the modern California courtroom, there is no room for gender roles, and every custodial decision is made based on the child’s best interest, alone.

How Can a Father Win a Custody Battle?

A father becomes their child’s custodial parent the same way a mother does: by being in the child’s best interest.

This analysis does not include gender stereotypes. Instead, the court simply wants to know which parent is most likely to:

Provide the best home environment;
Devote time and attention to their child;
Offer continuity and stability;
Meet the child’s physical, mental, and emotional needs; and,
Cultivate a relationship between the child and the child’s other parent.

If you are a father who is interested in becoming your child’s primary custodian, you should discuss it with your attorney, who can help you develop the rights strategy, moving forward.

Can You Lose Custody Because of Mental Illness?

The short answer is: no. The reality is: maybe.

While the presence of a mental illness, itself, does not affect custody, sometimes the type and severity of the illness can. For example, if symptoms are so severe that they inhibit a parent’s ability to address basic needs, or to provide a safe home environment, these things would certainly impact a judge’s decision. However, on its own, the diagnosis is not a deterrent.

California Child Custody Lawyers

If you have more questions about child custody lawyers in California, and how the team at Maples Family Law can help you, call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and together, we can ensure that your child’s best interests are being met.

Guardianship

Legal Guardianship in California

February 19, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

In California, legal guardianship is a court order that gives an adult the responsibility of taking care of a child who isn’t biologically theirs. Once appointed, a legal guardian has many of the same rights, responsibilities, and decision-making power as an actual parent, including the ability to make medical and education decisions on behalf of the child. Because these duties are so similar to what actual parents do, legal guardianship is often confused with adoption, however the two are not the same thing.

Here are a few things to know about legal guardianship in California, why you might want to consider appointing one, and how these scenarios differ from adoption.

Legal Guardianship in California

There are two major categories of legal guardianship in California: Juvenile Court Guardianship, and Probate Guardianship.

Juvenile Court Guardianship

Juvenile Court Guardianship requests come to a judge from either Family Court or a Juvenile Court action. These are the children removed from their home by child protective services due to neglect, abuse, or other dangers. Unification with biological parents is always the main goal in these cases, however if that’s not possible, a legal guardianship appointment will be made.

If a parent does not agree with the decision to elect a guardian, they are free to file an objection with the court, and to make statements at the hearing. However, in the end, all decisions will be made by the judge according to the best interest of the child. If the parent’s objections are overruled, it’s possible the court will still grant visitation rights while the child is under the care of his or her legal guardian.

Probate Guardianship

The second category of legal guardianship in California, is when a child enters the system through probate court. Probate court is the part of our judicial system that handles death matters, such as wills, estates, trusts, and other practical issues that need to be resolved when a person dies. When a legal guardianship application is initiated on behalf of an orphaned child, this is referred to as a “Probate Guardianship.”

Usually Probate Guardianships only apply to children who are under eighteen. For some cases, though, it’s possible to request an extension for youth who are over eighteen, but not yet twenty-one.

Scope of Legal Guardianship Powers in California

The decision to grant an outside adult legal authority over a non-biological child is not something California courts consider lightly. Circumstances that require a guardian will vary from case to case, and sometimes the full spectrum of rights is neither appropriate or needed. Therefore, when granting a legal guardianship, California courts authorize this power in one of three ways:

Guardianship of the person;
Guardianship of the estate; or
Both personal and estate guardianship.

Legal Guardianship of the Person

An adult who is granted physical guardianship over a child has the duty of meeting all the child’s basic, daily needs. This includes food, shelter, safety, and emotional support, but also extends to things like medical care, health needs, and education. When you’re appointed to be a legal guardian over a child’s physical needs, you have all the same responsibilities of caring for that child as a biological parent, plus the legal authority to make necessary decisions to that effect.

Legal Guardianship of the Estate

On the other hand, estate guardianship extends only so far as that child’s property is concerned. Usually this kind of guardian is arranged when a child inherits money or real property, and needs an adult to oversee fiscal matters until he or she turns eighteen. In most cases, the surviving parent is appointed to this position, unless both parents are deceased.

If the child is orphaned, the court might grant both physical custody and estate management to a single guardian. Or, these powers might be split between two people, in order to make it harder for a guardian to take advantage of a child’s wealth and age to benefit themselves.

Who Can Be a Legal Guardian

Anyone can apply to be a child’s legal guardian, and they do not actually have to be related. Guardians may include:

Grandparents;
Adult siblings;
Aunts, uncles, and other relatives;
Foster parents;
Close friends; or,
A teacher, counselor, or any other adult who has a relationship with the child.

Regardless of who applies, all guardianship appointments will be made in accordance with a child’s best interests.

Applying for Legal Guardianship in California

Whether the child’s parents are deceased, or are simply unable to properly care for their children, the application for legal guardianship follows the same basic process: paperwork, court investigation, and hearing.

Paperwork

To initiate a guardianship application, there are several forms that you need to complete, including a petition for guardianship. Many of these forms require supporting documents, so it’s a good idea to have your family law attorney on hand to help you avoid making common mistakes that will delay your process.

Court Investigation

Once all the forms have been filed, the court will assign an investigator to visit your home. This person will conduct interviews, look for signs of neglect or abuse, and conduct criminal background checks on everyone involved. This might sound a little invasive, but it is a necessary step to ensure that guardianship decisions are made according to the best interest of the child.

After these independent inquiries are through, the investigator will file their findings with the court, and copies of this report will be given to your attorney, as well as to any other relatives involved. If there is anything in the account you believe was made in error, your attorney can help you file an objection.

Hearing

The last step to becoming a legal guardian, is to attend the hearing. At this meeting, the judge will listen to all interested parties involved—including the child’s parents, if they are alive and object to the appointment. If there are too many competing interests involved, a judge may even assign an attorney to specifically represent the child’s interest. If the judge approves your application at the hearing, he or she will issue an order to make your position official.

As a legal guardian, you will be expected to file an annual status report. So long as there aren’t any problems, your appointment will continue as outlined in the guardianship order. Usually until the child turns eighteen.

Legal Guardianship vs. Adoption in California

While legal guardianship and adoption function to provide the same, basic care for children in need, they are not the same thing. The primary difference being, that in a legal guardianship, parents retain their parental rights, whereas in adoption, these rights are transferred, and cannot be reacquired. For this reason, the process is generally more rigorous than that of a legal guardianship.

Once finalized, adoption displaces the line of inheritance, halts any child support duties the biological parents might have had, and relieves adoptive parents from the obligation of fostering a relationship between the child and its biological parents—including visitation. Legal guardians, on the other hand, are subject to visitation schedules (as laid down by the court), and unlike adoptive parents, legal guardians must provide special provisions in their will, if they wish their wards to inherit.

In short, once a child is adopted, their new parents have all the same rights, responsibilities, obligations, and authoritative power as biological parents. In the eyes of the law, there is no distinction.

Legal Guardianship Attorneys in California

Whether it’s the permeance of adoption, or merely a legal guardianship, taking on the responsibility of someone else’s child is a huge endeavor, and one that should be thoughtfully considered with your family law attorney. If you have further questions about the legal guardianship process in California, or other adoption-related questions, we are here for you. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation, and let us help you pursue the arrangement that will work best for you and the child you care about.

Divorce

Divorce Tips for Moms

October 22, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Your top priority is doing what’s best for your children – and as a mom, that carries over into every aspect of your life. Are you working too much? Making enough money? Spending enough time with your kids? Signing them up for enough extracurricular activities? Aren’t there any specific divorce tips for moms you could use to do better?

Are you doing a good enough job?

If you’re like most moms, you’re your own toughest critic. The good news: You’re doing just fine – and even though you’re working your way through a divorce, your kids are going to be okay. Statistically, children of divorce turn out well, and they have the best outcomes when their parents truly care about what’s best for them.

And that’s you. You do care about what’s best for them, and you’re doing the best you possibly can right now. Check out our divorce tips for moms to make sure you’re staying grounded. (Hint: You probably are.)

Divorce Tips for Moms

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Check out these five divorce tips for moms to see if you could put any of them to use in your life:

Know that you’re normal.
Don’t be afraid to rely on support.
Create boundaries and stick to them.
Get control over your finances.
Keep moving forward.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

#1. Know that you’re normal.

You’re on an emotional roller coaster when you’re going through a divorce – and you’ll have good days and bad days. That’s completely normal. So are all the feelings you experience, ranging from anger to sadness to a sense of hope for the future. While it sounds like a cliché, know that the feelings you’re experiencing now are more than just normal… they’re temporary. This will pass.

#2. Don’t be afraid to rely on support.

We’re hard-wired to talk to other people for support, so don’t be afraid to talk to people in your support network. Family and friends can be great resources during times like these – but if you need to talk to a professional, do it. Talking to a divorce counselor or therapist can be a great way to learn new coping strategies and work through some of the things you’re experiencing right now.

#3. Create boundaries and stick to them.

While you were married to your ex, you had a certain way of dealing with each other, including the ways you communicated about your children. You don’t have to stick to the status quo now – you can do what works best for your own emotional well-being. That means if your ex wants to argue, you can get off the phone; if your ex wants to stop by and visit, you can say no. Creating healthy boundaries is a good way to start moving forward.

#4. Get control over your finances.

Whether you worked during your marriage or you stayed home with your children, you need to get control over your own finances when you divorce. Separate your money and talk to your Stockton divorce attorney about what you can expect as far as paying or receiving spousal support (commonly called alimony). Talk to your attorney about child support, too, because in California, both parents are responsible for providing for their children.

Related: Protecting assets from divorce

#5. Keep moving forward.

It doesn’t always feel like it, but your divorce will eventually be over – and then you’ll be moving forward to a more positive future. There’s no way around it; divorce is a major life change. If you keep moving forward, your kids will learn from your example. They’ll end up being more resilient and able to cope with the challenges that come their way, too. Focus on doing what’s right for you and your children, now and once your divorce is final, and your whole family will emerge from the process just fine.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Divorce?

These divorce tips for moms can help you out, but they’re not a substitute for legal advice. If you’re getting divorced, or if you’re still just thinking about it, you may need to talk to an attorney who can preserve your – and your children’s – rights. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

Co-Parenting Definition, Explanations and Guide

September 12, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Co-parenting can be really tough, especially when you and your spouse have had a contentious divorce. However, you’re better able to do it if you know the official co-parenting definition, you can see real-world examples, and you have tips that will make you more successful.

Fortunately, we’re here to give you all three.

Co-Parenting Definition, Explanations and Guide

Knowing what to expect from your co-parenting experience, as well as what real co-parenting looks like and how to put theories into practice, will help you be a better mom or dad to your kids.

Co-Parenting Definition

Technically, co-parenting explains a situation in which both parents share the duties of parenting a child. Kids need stability, consistency and effective communication between their parents, and co-parenting is a great way to achieve these things.

Essentially, co-parenting is a parenting relationship where the parents aren’t romantically involved, but still assume joint responsibility in bringing up their kids. Usually, it’s used to describe people who are separated or divorced (or who were never together in the first place) when those people work together to raise children.

Both parents choose to put aside their personal differences for the sake of the children.

Benefits of Co-Parenting

There are many benefits of co-parenting, including:

Stability. When both parents are on the same page and they’re consistent from house to house, the child is more likely to feel stable and safe. Kids who have more stability at home are typically more resilient.
Solid relationships with both parents. Kids need the framework that parents set up when they co-parent so they can maintain loving relationships with each adult.
Limited “parentification.” The term parentification refers to a child who feels the need to take care of his or her parents’ feelings. Basically, it means the child becomes the parent. When the actual parents can work together for the child, though, the child won’t be as likely to want to take care of his or her parents… because the parents are doing just fine on their own.
Conflict resolution. Children learn by example, and if you and your spouse can resolve your conflicts in healthy ways, that’s what your kids will pick up. Kids can learn that they can cooperate with other people, even if they don’t agree with each other, by watching you and your ex-spouse co-parent.

Co-Parenting Examples

Check out these examples of co-parenting in action.

#1. Judi and Pat split up just before the holidays, and they built a holiday schedule into their parenting plan. Judi will have the kids for Halloween, according to the parenting plan, but Pat’s employer is putting on a huge trunk-or-treat event that he’d really like to share with the kids. Judi and Pat reach an agreement that he can take the kids to trunk-or-treat, but he’ll have them home in time to trick-or-treat with Judi.

#2. Kathy and Bonnie have twin teenagers who want nothing more than to avoid them and spend time with their friends. Together, Kathy and Bonnie came up with a set of rules governing where the twins can and can’t go, how late they can stay out, and what the consequences are for violating the rules. The rules are the same at both Kathy’s and Bonnie’s houses, and so are the consequences, so the twins always know what to expect.

#3. Angie and David have only one child, and Angie tells David that if their son doesn’t keep up his grades, she’s going to take him out of baseball. David explains why he doesn’t think that’s a good idea, and Angie is open to David’s opinion. Together, they develop a plan to get their son’s grades up and commit to keeping him in baseball for the remainder of the season.

Co-Parenting Tips

Use these tips to make your co-parenting efforts more successful:

Pick your battles. Some things just aren’t worth fighting over.
Be open and flexible with your schedule. Put your kids first when their other parent wants to spend time with them.
Communicate directly with your ex. Don’t use the kids as messengers.
Keep your exchanges with your ex short and polite. Don’t get involved or give endless instructions.
Respect your kids’ time with their other parent.

Are You Considering Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Child Custody

13 Co-Parenting Rules to Live By

July 6, 2019October 23, 2019
by Angie

Many people feel more comfortable working with their former spouses when they have co-parenting rules in place.

Co-parenting with your ex isn’t always easy to do, but if you’re like most parents, your children are your main concern. When you and your ex have decided to co-parent – meaning, you’ve agreed to work together to raise your children – you’ve made a great choice for your kids.

Sometimes it’s rough, but if you and your ex-spouse can follow these co-parenting rules, it’ll be easier on all of you.

13 Co-Parenting Rules to Live By

Setting boundaries for each other as co-parents takes away some of the stress many co-parents face. These co-parenting rules aren’t hard-and-fast, but they’re guidelines that you and your ex may want to follow:

Remember that it’s not about you.
Commit to good communication.
Make a plan.
Be flexible.
Be forgiving.
Don’t forget that your kids are watching (and learning).
Leave the kids out of it.
Watch what you say around (or to) the kids.
Don’t fight.
Be consistent.
Respect each other’s time with your kids.
Work hard to agree on big issues.
Don’t use the kids as messengers.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

Co-Parenting Rule #1: Remember that it’s not about you.

You’re co-parenting for your kids’ benefit, so remember, it’s all about them. If your ex is being argumentative, try to remind yourself that the primary focus is on your little ones – and discuss only things relating to them.

Co-Parenting Rule #2: Commit to good communication.

Keep each other in the loop. Choose a communication method that works best for everyone and stick to it… and push yourself to be a good communicator. Sometimes the best method of communication is through text or by email, because it allows you to think things through before you respond – and it provides a paper trail in case you ever need it.

Co-Parenting Rule #3: Make a plan.

Determine what’s most important in raising your children by discussing your goals with your ex. You two, together, can make a plan that covers most of the major issues divorced parents face. What will you do if your children act out? How will you deal with homework, chores, sports and school events? What about your kids’ privileges? If you address these things with your ex now, co-parenting will be easier in the future.

Related: How to develop a parenting plan

Co-Parenting Rule #4: Be flexible.

You and your ex most likely have a parenting time agreement in place, but you both need to be flexible when things come up. Appointments, special activities, illness – there are dozens of reasons you or your ex may need to shift your plans, but as long as you communicate (see Rule #2), nobody will come out worse for wear.

Co-Parenting Rule #5: Be forgiving.

Nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. Don’t hold a grudge, because doing so will derail your ability to communicate with each other. Even worse, it’ll limit your ability to co-parent effectively because your emotions will get in the way of making the best possible decisions for your children.

Co-Parenting Rule #6: Don’t forget that your kids are watching (and learning).

The old saying “Little pitchers have big ears” is just as true today as it was a century ago. Kids hear and see everything – even if you think they’re not paying attention. They’re learning from you both, and the way you deal with each other makes a big impact on what they see as normal and right.

Related: Divorce with kids

Co-Parenting Rule #7: Leave the kids out of it.

Never, ever make your kids feel like they’re in the middle of a tug-of-war. Kids want to love and respect both of you, but when you put them in the middle, they’re automatically going to gravitate toward one side (and if you’re the parent adding stress, it might not be your side they take).

Co-Parenting Rule #8: Watch what you say around (or to) the kids.

Little comments like, “We can’t buy that because Dad doesn’t pay his child support on time” or “I can’t believe she’s always late picking you up – what is she doing?” can be harmful to your kids and to your co-parenting relationship. Be careful what you say while they’re within earshot, too (see Rule #6).

Co-Parenting Rule #9: Don’t fight.

When you and your ex have a parenting plan you can turn to in the event of a dispute, you’ll disagree less. But still, your ex is your ex for a reason – and it’s easy to get sucked into an argument. It happens to everyone! Your job, though, is to keep it away from the kids. Don’t fight or argue in front of them. (Fair warning: This might be one of the hardest rules to follow.)

Co-Parenting Rule #10: Be consistent.

Try to keep the big stuff the same in both houses, like bedtime and basic chores. All the rules don’t have to match up, because sometimes that’s just not feasible. However, you do have to set rules in your home and stick to them. Kids thrive in environments with limits, as long as they know exactly what those limits are.

Co-Parenting Rule #11: Respect each other’s time with your kids.

You both deserve quality time with your kids, but more importantly, your kids deserve quality time with both of you. Don’t make plans that interfere with your ex’s time with the children without making sure it’s okay first, and certainly don’t call and text constantly while your kids are with their other parent.

Co-Parenting Rule #12: Work hard to agree on big issues.

You can’t address everything in your parenting plan because parenting isn’t cut-and-dry – and new issues will pop up as your children grow. Try to agree on big issues, like when your kids are allowed to date, what to do when they break curfew or how to handle new (and challenging) behaviors. If you can’t agree, find an expert – like a mediator, counselor or therapist – who can help you both.

Co-Parenting Rule #13: Don’t use the kids as messengers.

Your kids want to be free to love you both, but if you’re using them as messengers, they’re in the middle of adult problems. It’s fine to say “Tell your dad I said hello” or “Dad asked if you can send my dress shoes next time,” but anything bigger than that needs to be communicated directly to your ex.

The bottom line is that most people are fully capable of co-parenting after a divorce. It’s hard, but it’s possible – and with the right ground rules in place, you can pull it off.

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Divorce or Child Custody?

We’ve helped many people through divorce, and we can help you, too. As family law attorneys serving Stockton and the surrounding communities, we have extensive experience dealing with parenting plans and other divorce issues.

Call us at (209) 546-6870 to let us know what you’re going through. We’ll begin developing a strategy that gets you and your children the best possible outcome—and we’ll give you all the support you need during this difficult time.

Divorce

Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

July 24, 2018August 4, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most parents going through divorce, you want what’s best for your kids – but how are you supposed to help them through this process?

Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

There are dozens of great ways you can help your children cope with this situation, like getting them divorce books written just for kids or learning how the divorce is affecting them… but there are many other things you can do that lots of moms and dads overlook. Some of the most important are:

Sheltering kids from visible conflict
Minimizing disruptions to the kids’ routines
Keeping negativity away from the kids
Staying involved with the children’s lives

Sheltering Kids From Visible Conflict During Divorce

The last thing you and your ex should do is fight in front of your children.

“Children rely on their home environment for stability and comfort in order for them to develop emotionally. When there is conflict, it can feel as though their world is crumbling, and their sense of safety and trust becomes compromised. Certain issues that seem trivial to adults are intensified a great deal in the mind of a child,” says Allison Fosberry, M.A.

If you sense a fight brewing, hit the brakes. Wait until your children aren’t around – or, better yet, try your hardest to resolve the conflict without anger. Sometimes working with a therapist can help you learn new (and healthier) ways to deal with conflict.

Minimizing Disruptions to the Kids’ Routines During Divorce

Keeping kids’ routines as stable as possible can be tremendously helpful.

“Create a predictable environment by enforcing structure. After a divorce, children’s routines often fly out the window! Talk to your children about your family’s routines and be clear about what will stay the same and what will change,” says Neil Farber, M.D., Ph.D., CLC, CPT.

Keeping Negativity Away From the Kids During Divorce

It’s easy to let negativity suck you in during divorce – in fact, there are a lot of days where it might be tough to see the “positives.” But keeping it confined to therapy or private conversations away from your children is absolutely necessary.

Staying Involved in Your Children’s Lives During Divorce

Perhaps one of the most important things you can do for your children during (and after) divorce is to stay involved in their lives. Even if your kids don’t seem to want your attention, keep pursuing – they (and you) will be glad you did. Try to make the most of the time you have together and ensure that your kids have their own comfortable spaces in your home, where they always feel welcome and safe.

Do You Need Family Law Help?

We can help you and provide you with case-specific legal advice.

Call 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with Stockton divorce attorney Anna Y. Maples today.

Divorce

Divorce With Kids: How Children Are Affected When Their…

June 25, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

If you’re a parent who’s getting divorced, here’s what you need to know about divorce with kids – how it affects them and what you can do to make things easier.

Divorce With Kids: How Children Are Affected When Their Parents Split

Divorce is almost always stressful for children. Most don’t want their parents to separate, although some are relieved to get away from constant conflict and anger. However, the good news is that the vast majority of kids whose parents divorce don’t end up with serious emotional or behavioral problems. Generally, kids from divorced families are resilient (they learn it from parents who do a good job managing stress).

There are dozens of studies that show children whose parents divorce end up completely fine.

During the divorce, though, your children will have to deal with big life changes – no matter how old they are. They have to adjust to going back and forth between two households, the daily absence of one parent, and even seeing the loss of love between their parents. It’s what’s considered a “watershed moment” because life after the event is significantly different than it was before the event. Kids thrive on dependability, whether they’re small or older, which means this event is a big shake-up.

But there are things you can do to make things easier for your kids: The 3 Rs.

How to Make Divorce Easier on Your Kids

The three Rs that help restore a child’s trust in familiarity and dependability are:

Routines
Rituals
Reassurance

Routines

Stick to a routine as much as possible – and you’ll get bonus points if it’s close to the old routine. Kids thrive on trusting that what they’re doing will remain the same, and they’re constantly on the lookout for things that are similar to the “old life.” Establish household routines they can get used to, and make sure that they know when to expect to visit with each parent and that your home will remain the same, unchanged, while they’re gone. (Pro tip: Check out these 11 good divorce books for kids to incorporate into bedtime routines.)

Rituals

Having routines allows children to create rituals that allow them to feel as if they have more control over their lives. When kids can exert some control, they feel better (which is different from letting them run everything, by the way!) about the future, and psychologists suggest that this plays a huge role in the way kids learn to approach new things. It might also prevent older kids from taking control with defiant, rebellious, or even dangerous behaviors.

Reassurance

By constantly reassuring your children that your love for them will never change, you’ll do so much for their self-esteem. Remember, they’ve seen the loss of love between you and their other parent; that means that even subconsciously, they may question the love between you and them. The more you show and tell your children how much you love them, the stronger and more resilient they’ll be.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Attorney About Child Custody, Child Support or Other Issues?

If you need to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney about child custody, child support or other issues because you’re still contemplating divorce or because your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us at (209) 546-6870 to schedule a consultation with California divorce attorney Anna Maples today.

Divorce

Effects of Divorce on Kids

March 14, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

Experts agree that divorce affects kids, but how, and can they rebound? Here’s what you need to know.

Effects of Divorce on Kids

If you’re like most parents going through a divorce, your primary concern is your kids’ health and happiness. You’re probably worried about whether your split will traumatize your kids – and you’re wondering if there’s anything you can do to make the process (and the aftermath) easier on them.

The good news is that while experts agree divorce affects children, they also agree that there are many things parents can do to help their children bounce back and become more resilient and emotionally strong than ever.

How Does Divorce Affect Kids?

The uncertainty about what’s going to happen next, the conflict they see between their parents, and the disparities in parenting styles after the divorce are most difficult for kids to cope with.

“Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a boy or girl no matter what the age. Witnessing loss of love between parents, having parents break their marriage commitment, adjusting to going back and forth between two different households, and the daily absence of one parent while living with the other, all create a challenging new family circumstance in which to live,” says Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D.

Kids have to deal with:

Major lifestyle changes
Moving to a different home
Not seeing or spending time with both their parents at the same time

Adjusting to these changes can take a while. Many younger kids fantasize about their parents getting back together, and kids of all ages may blame themselves.

What kids really want is to “feel more connected in a family situation where a major disconnection has occurred,” says Dr. Pickhardt.

You can help, though, by establishing a sense of order and predictability. Know that most kids adjust well over time, and the vast majority have bounced back before two years have elapsed. Kids are resilient!

According to Scientific American, “Children fare better if parents can limit conflict associated with the divorce process or minimize the child’s exposure to it. Further, children who live in the custody of at least one well-functioning parent do better than those whose primary parent is doing poorly.”

To help mitigate the effects of divorce on kids, you can:

Support your children and provide loving, caring environments where kids can share their feelings
Answer questions in age-appropriate, honest ways
Provide emotional support in other areas of the kids’ lives
Stick to the same parenting styles during and after divorce
Provide middle-of-the-road rules; not too strict and not too lax
Make sure your children have social support from their peers
Take children to talk to a counselor or therapist who understands divorce

Your attorney will tell you not to involve your children in the ugly parts of your divorce – you can’t use them as messengers between you and your ex, and you can’t use them as miniature therapists. However, it is important that both parents communicate clearly with kids by answering questions honestly (in age-appropriate ways) and by reassuring children that even though they don’t love each other, they will always love the kids.

Are You a Parent Who Needs Information on Divorce?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about divorce and issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-910-9865 to schedule your divorce case review. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.